The Patina is back at the races and strives to keep their heads above water.
The Patina is back at the races and strives to keep their heads above water.
Cast:
- Marathon Messenger is played by Penn Van Batavia. She can be found on Twitter at @acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram at @john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE *IT* OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
- Cassidy Shard is played by Sydney Whittington. She is our wonderful editor. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast. Find her on Twitter at @sydney_whitt.
- Emma Blackwood is played by Cameron Robertson. Find her on Twitter at @midnightmusic13 and on Instagram at @reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
- Birdie Foundling is played by Kit Adames. Find her on Twitter at @venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor and writer on Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
- Our GM and narrator is Nick Robertson. Find him on Twitter at @alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron and can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
Music & Sound Credits:
- This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
- old radio Channel search sound effect by Garuda1982. Link & License.
- Honda CRM 250 2 stroke dirt bike motorcycle » motorbike crm 250cc kick start rev engine.wav by martian. Link & License.
- WALLA Ballpark Applause Short 05 by AshFox. Link & License.
- WALLA Ballpark Applause Short 04 by AshFox. Link & License.
- WALLA Ballpark Applause Short 01 by AshFox. Link & License.
- Fireball Impact by EminYILDIRIM. Link & License.
- Love is True by Squire Tuck. Link & License.
- Won-t-Be-Stoppin by Ketsa. Link & License.
Art Credits:
- The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @rashedjrs.
Find Us Online:
- Our Website
- Twitter
- Join our Patreon
- Join our Discord
A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript
Season 3 Episode 33: The Love of the Sport
Transcript by Cameron Robertson
Intro:
[hurdy gurdy music begins]
Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –
Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.
Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.
Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.
Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.
Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.
Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:
I know tuning in can be hard, what with it not just being in the air with all the rest of the radio waves and all. You can’t even listen in on accident with a guitar amp or a fan. So, to reward the amount of intention and dedication it must take you to purposefully hit play on a podcatcher or streaming service, we’re here to say… [breathy teen girl] wow you’re so rad.
And if you liked that and want even more silly voices from me and the cast, consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 33: The Love of the Sport. And so…
“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches
To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”
[hurdy gurdy music ends]
[electronic beeping]
[robotic powerup noise begins]
Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.
[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]
[over radio]
Cameron (as Emma): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, Rye and I met up for some very fancy tea for our semi-regularly scheduled weekly hangout and I caught him up on our Guts misadventures and hopefully convinced him not to wander off alone down there to try any heroics. His time would be much better spent using his influence to try to fix things diplomatically through council deals or other policy changes - I still don’t exactly understand Sasnak’s government structure and I think I’m happy to remain blissfully ignorant of it. Anyways after that we saw Wander’s & Opal’s security forces start a riot in the streets below us which Gwendolyn quickly cleared up, but that was concerning. Later we finally got around to upgrading the bikes - I foolishly told Surge I didn’t have a preference between working on Cassidy’s or Birdie’s and then I got to walk Cassidy through every single possible change we could make to her bike. Marathon brought me caffeine though, so I think I’ll live.
[radio static]
Episode Start:
Nick: The next week passes quickly for the Patina as they finish preparations with their bikes and prepare for an upcoming X Bike race. They were informed by Opal that they had been given entry and that this race was extremely important if they were hoping to get promoted to the professional league and potentially make the finals. The Patina got together and penned a respectful letter declining Wander's proposal to throw the race and had it sent by courier to prevent any more conflict of interest. And not only is it the day of the race, but Shard and Hellcat are already at the starting line just before the race begins.
Penn: The air of the Coliseum is thick with the smell of diesel, stress sweat, and the excitement of roaring fans. We look down the starting line of this next X Bike race, revving engines filling the cacophony throughout the Coliseum. We pass by two separate teams of two - one covered in logos for something called the Cannon Academy, and another of two rusty looking bikes covered in twisted shards of metal with burgundy colored riders atop them. And as we pass by these two teams, we set onto one final team: the Patina. How do Birdie and Cassidy look on their newly upgraded and rebuilt bikes?
Kit: Birdie is wearing the same get up she had on the race previous with sturdy leather chaps and a leather vest with silver grommets and detailing. And again, will have her face mask drawn down so that the competition and the crowd has a harder time seeing her expressions - but Cassidy is probably the only one that is close enough to read her lips or see any distinguishable expression. And the only new updates to this outfit are a couple of additions of jewelry, because Surge heard "just make a necklace from Zan's old bike", and was kind enough to give Birdie a washer on a chain - very simple, very easy to wear every day, as well as a bracelet of a repurposed chain on the bike, and earrings with the chain links of that same chain and so fully decked out in the parts of her predecessors bike. She's obviously trying to get comfortable on this new one, which is a bit more bulky than the one that she's used to as Zan's bike was definitely built for speed and was a bit more on the slight side to help adjust for that, but made it unstable and unwieldy. So this one has been bulked out a little bit. The frame is wider, and if anything more comfortable. The front is where more of the weight sits in this one, and she's tilting the bike from side to side testing her range of vision, as well as how much the actual weight has shifted with this heavier bike. Overall, she looks not necessarily nervous, but she's not used to this bike, and is hoping that everything will be under control for this race to just get to the next part of their mission.
Penn: And we pan from Birdie's anxious face to see Cassidy on her new bike.
Sydney: Cassidy is also back in her outfit from previous which is what looks like a brown plaid flannel shirt, but is armored with abrasion resistant fabric and thick pants, gloves, her black helmet that has an opaque black visor, though until the race gets closer to starting it's flipped up so she can convey things to Birdie. Her bike this time looks suspiciously the same from outside, though the exhaust note is a little bit - it actually, as Cassidy guns the engine, it sounds like it's revving much more responsively and also is going higher than the previous setup was, indicating a potential power increase from similar hardware, and some of the panels which had previously been silver are now the patterned black of carbon fiber, also another result of the upgrades that have potentially increased the maneuverability of the bike. In minimizing the changes to the shape and the profile of the bike, her muscle memory has persisted, and she has heavily hit the track in the few days between the upgrades being finished and the race. She looks in anticipation of the race starting, but with the air of someone who has practiced for this and feels fairly confident in her abilities.
Penn: With the Patina's success in the race prior, they've launched their career into a new territory. Instead of the measly crowd that once cheered them on in the qualifier round, the arena is now more full than empty. Many people are excited and ready to see a professional level X Bike match. A giant scoreboard in the middle of the arena begins to flash on listing each of the teams along with their individual riders, showing the Patina, the Cannon Academy. and the ScavengHERS, who must be the twisted metal team that you've spotted before. A large light that looks almost like a pair of headphones begins to flash on the scoreboard, indicating to the crowd that the broadcast is about to begin. As different audience members begin to slide headphones into their ears, and their own tension and anticipation begins to grow, how do they hear the announcers introduce themselves?
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Hello X Bike fans and welcome to the Seventh Sea Showdown, sponsored by the Eighth Sea Aquarium. Stop by and visit the sea life after today's race to get one free ticket for every family pass purchased for today's race. Remember, kids eat free at the fish lunch buffet every other Thursday. I'm Talia Bright, aka Glimmer. The sun is shining, the X Bikes are roaring, and the crowd is looking for a bit of explosive excitement - it doesn't get any better than this, or I guess it might at the not too distant X Bike championships. Speaking of champions, please help me welcome my guest today, Carbon Steel!
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] [surfer] Chyaa.
Penn: The crowd erupts after hearing Carbon's name through their headphones.
Nick: From the press box Carbon stands and waves. No one can see him from up there, but he can't help it before sitting back down to the microphone.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Yeah, it's really good to be here. Thanks for uh, thanks for having me, and uh, it should be a good race. Really looking forward to it.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Tell me, Carbon, have you had a chance to see any of our racers today in action before?
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Uh~
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] I know they're not quite at your level.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] I don't really worry about the competition, so I haven't spent a lot of time scouting, but my team assures me that it should be interesting, if not particularly impressive, but we'll see. I try not to pass judgment.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] That is probably excellent for your mental health. Do you have any words you want to share with the crowd before we kick off our race?
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Chyaa. I think the most important thing for a race like this is to remember to rip it, pull it and tear it, you know? Like you really got to make sure that the gear box is shifted to the 5 - O before [mumbles]
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] [interrupting] I'm sure this is excellent advice Carbon, but we do have our flag approaching the starting line, so we're gonna need to get quiet while the race begins.
Penn: Cassidy and Birdie, you see someone standing waving a green flag with a checkered flag right behind their back, and you see the other racers start to lean in to their bikes and start to test their throttles a little bit heavier before she drops the green flag, takes out the checkered flag, and you all start to race away.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Off they go!
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Chyaa! I love that sound.
Penn: As you race down the track, Birdie, your refurbished Hellcat bike is speeding past everyone at this first stage of the race, so that means, as the first driver you get to pick the first stat that we will be using to create our scoring skill. So would you like to pick the Driver stat Cool or the Driver stat Drive?
Kit: Let's do Drive for the first one.
Penn: So then everyone will be rolling using their Driving skill and Cassidy you are not far behind the Hellcat as the Shard right now, and so you get to pick the Bike statistic, so you can pick Speed or Maneuver.
Sydney: My bike's highest stat is Maneuver, so I'm gonna pick Maneuver.
Penn: So Drive and Maneuver means that this will be a Technical Challenge, that will be the scoring skill used for this challenge. And in third, the ScavengHERS are roaring right behind just about neck and neck to each other, and they are going to pick Burnout for this challenge as the Integrity skill between Burnout and Instability. So you will use your Drive stat using your Driving statistic from your Genesis character sheet to decide how many green die you will be rolling, and then your Maneuver stat, your bike stat, will decide how many times you're going to upgrade that check, so how many greens you're going to upgrade to a yellow. And then that Integrity stat, that Burnout stat, is going to tell you how many purples and reds you'll be rolling. So if you have a Burnout of one, you're rolling one purple. If you have a burnout of three, you're rolling a red and a purple. But since you've decided the scoring skill as Technical, we're going to turn to the announcers as they introduce the next challenge on the track.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Well, I'm not sure I understand exactly where the track designers are going with this.for the very first obstacle it's pretty intense. Looks like they've got the maze type obstacle where they're going to have to maneuver through a series of very narrow hallways on their X Bikes. If you remember last year, we lost several good riders due to hair pin turns. Hopefully this crew is going to be a little bit more conservative in their decision making and able to get through here without too much trouble.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] It was a real shame when we lost those racers, but I don't quite understand how they were never recovered, but mazes are mysterious things, and this one, especially as - you're not seeing things, folks, it is made entirely out of fish tanks. Please do not worry for any sea life - there is no live animals within these tanks. However, if one of our racers does uh, miss their turn a little bit and crash into any of these, that water is going to be real nasty for their bike. Luckily, with them being clear, we shouldn't lose them.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] I guess that's why they call it Nasty Water Bike Maze.
Kit: So that means that Birdie will be rolling two yellow, one green and one red. Birdie succeeds with two successes and two advantages.
Penn: Awesome. So then you get to mark down two points under Technical on your bike sheet, and you will answer a flashback scene prompt. So on a success, you can share a moment of weakness that now manifests as strength, a moment of levity with one of the other racers, or a moment of inspiration that keeps you driving.
Kit: As Birdie maneuvers through the nasty water bike maze, she's cursing under her breath, but is very glad that this bike is also very new, which means that a lot of the issues with Zan's old bike of old parts and somewhat rickety turning and handling mechanisms have been updated and replaced, so she's having a much easier time than she likely would have just a few weeks ago. And she'll take a moment to breathe as she exits the obstacle and glances up. Do they have Carbon on like a screen?
Penn: Yes, totally. On the tri sided scoreboard, one of the screens flickers and alternates to the press box with Carbon and Glimmer.
Kit: She looks up at the screen where Carbon, one of Zan's friends during their racing days is, and will nod to herself in recognition that she's doing a good job holding up the Hellcat racing name.
Penn: And so the Hellcat takes a solid lead while carefully maneuvering through the Nasty Water Bike Maze. What is the Shard rolling, Cassidy?
Sydney: So Cassidy's Driving is a three and her bikes Maneuver stat is a four, so she's rolling three yellows and a green, and then she has three in her Burnout stat, so she will be rolling her three yellows and a green against a red and a purple.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: Two successes and an advantage.
Penn: Awesome. And so Cassidy, you can mark down two points as well in Technical. What does it look like for the Shard to pass through the Nasty Water Bike Maze, and what does it cause Cassidy to think back on?
Sydney: Compared to some of the obstacles that she had seen in her previous studies and set up for herself in practice, though at much lower stakes, being able to see through the aquarium walls is a significant advantage, because she can predict what's going to be the next turns that she's going to need to be making, especially without the visual noise of fish in the tanks. So she takes the Nasty Water Bike Maze quickly and deftly, really showing off the improvements to both speed and handling that had been made through the combined powers of Emma and their hired mechanics Surge and Audrey. Let's do a moment of levity. Give me one of the people on the ScavengHERS.
Penn: Contagion is the name of one of the ScavengHERS racers who you saw before.
Sydney: So in the pre race warm up, Cassidy had gotten a chance to briefly talk with Contagion, who made the wry observation that Cassidy's jacket perfectly matched to the rusty colors of their purposely weathered bikes, and less so her fancy, shiny new one, Cassidy took it in good humor, because she knew that she would win on the track, or really hoped she would. As she zooms out of the maze, flicks a quick look into one of her mirrors to see where Contagion on the ScavengHERS is finishing this obstacle.
Penn: And fortunately for Contagion, the ScavengHERS have decided on a tactic that has gotten them this far, and they're attempting to follow whatever Patina member they can still see to get to the end of this mace. So the ScavengHERS will be rolling together, and they're rolling two yellows and a green against one red and one purple.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Sheesh! It's two Triumphs which ends up being two successes and a Despair. I'm gonna roll for the Cannon Academy as well and they are just rolling two yellows against that same one red and a purple.
[dice rolling]
Penn: And the Cannon Academy has two successes, keeping them near the front of the pack with everyone else.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] All right, first time doing this with water. Racers are entering the Nasty Water Bike Maze. We've got the Patina racers in front with Hellcat and the Shard and - oh, my goodness gracious!
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Ohh! A member of the ScavengHERS - looks like Deletion is lost control almost immediately, that's through 1-2-3 different aquarium walls! Wow! Never seen somebody go that far through the -ope and yup bike is somehow both flooded and on fire. That's uh, that one's - oh I hope Deletion is able to get out of there in one piece. [surfer huff] The NWBM really just claims a lot, another victim today.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Lucky thing there, plenty of water to put that fire out. It looked like entering the maze that the ScavengHERS were going to just follow along with the Patina, however! Taking full advantage of her teammate going down in watery flames, Contagion is just driving straight through the maze. [laugh] That is gonna put her ahead of the pack.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Contagion really knows how to take advantage of a bad thing turn it into a good thing, something I've always really respected with her technique. You know, there's something about the way that she pops the clutch there at the end that gives it an extra bit of acceleration, really shows a masterful driving technique there as well. You'll notice that the gear ratio here has dropped down a couple of cycles to try to boost the RPM in a way that will really just transfer directly into torque.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Yep and they're not exciting, but we still do need to mention them, Cannon Academy has made it through the maze. Weirdly still following the path even after the walls have come down, but still right up there with the Patina.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Cannon Academy is just a really disappointing team. I don't know why they're up in this league. I think they should really stick to the lower levels as much as possible, just with lack of flair, you know? Lack of flair.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] You know, the team obviously being sponsored by X Bike legend Riff Cannon.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] [surfer harumph]
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] We love to see our X Bike elders, of which I don't quite consider myself yet, helping keep the love of the sport alive. They are not being very Riff Cannon today, I will admit.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Riff Cannon is a thing of the past. The future is now, old man.
Penn: You hear mixed jeers and boos.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Our crowd here is being none too pleased with your assessment of one of our heroes. Oh but starting the race off with very, very high on the excitement level, with both an amazing lead and also horrifying loss of a teammate. I'm sure - I'm sure whatever their name is is fine. Uh
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Deletion.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] All right, I think you could have picked your X Bike name better there, unless it was meant to be deleting others - maybe reassess that once uh, you've dried off a little bit. Anyway, that was an exciting start to the race. We've got our remaining ScavengHER out front, -
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Chyaa.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] - and then everybody else, who's still up anyway, following pretty closely behind.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Looks like we've got Shard and Hellcat tied up with Pop rock and Dale Mazing of the Cannon Academy, they're going to be hard pressed to catch up to Contagion, though.
Penn: As the racers exit the Nasty Water Bike Maze, the track opens back up, dirt kicking up and dust as Contagion begins to leave the rest of you in a fog and we move on to the second of our three obstacles. So since Contagion is in first place, she is going to pick Cool as the Driver skill. And then, because the Patina is tied currently with the Cannon Academy, I would love a consensus between Shard and Hellcat, on which bike stat you'd like to use with this.
Kit: Unfortunately, both of our bikes specialize in something different. We have chosen Speed.
Sydney: Yeah, the consensus is that we will be using Speed this time to capitalize on a strength in the Hellcat bike and a lesser but still powerful speed in Shard's bike.
Penn: Awesome. And to change it up this time, the Cannon Academy is going to pick Instability as the Integrity stat that we are rolling against. And so that means, with Cool and Speed, this is going to be a Swagger scoring skill obstacle, and with that, I turn the obstacle creation back to our announcers. What kind of obstacle is this that is a spotlight to look cool or to flaunt or to taunt?
Nick: So the next obstacle to highlight the Swagger of the racers is a long, very thin pool of water that, depending on how you drive, you can kick up really cool wakes and waves and rooster tails behind your bike that make you look like you're going even faster than you actually are. And you could also do cool hydroplaning or drifting.
Penn: And how is this obstacle extreme, Cameron?
Cameron: Well, so this obstacle is extreme because, as it is a super thin layer of water, it makes it almost like a mirror in how much it is reflecting back up at you. And there are pitfalls within this. It is not entirely the same depth of water. So if you hit the wrong spot, you could go swimming. And while you might be doing rooster tails with water, the obstacle is called the Whale Tail.
Penn: Beautiful. As the riders head down the rest of this track, they see this long shining pool of water with mysterious depths throughout.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] All right, we're coming around to the next obstacle, the Whale Tail. Have you ever done any obstacles like this, Carbon?
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Yeah, I've done a Whale Tail time or two. It's actually one of the more terrifying obstacles I've ever been involved in, even over the flaming buzz saws. I just hate the lack of visibility. I'm glad I'm not out on that course. [laugh] You'd have to be some sort of daredevil hot shot to do something like this, which I am, but I prefer not to.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] You'd have to be some sort of X Bike racer.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Some sort of X bike racer indeed.
Cameron (as Glimmer): Yep, I will say, for our fans in the audience, this may look like an unassuming, flat piece of road that just has some water on it. No big deal. Makes your tricks a little bit more showy. However, what none of us can see beneath the surface is there are - that is not a solid piece of road there, there are valleys and chasms within it.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Chyaa.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] If you kick off a trick at the wrong spot, that you're gonna go swimming with the fishes real quick.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] And sharks! There's also a lot of sharks in there, probably.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] I don't believe that is the case. I did specifically hear from the aquarium that they're all no sea animals at risk, just X Bike riders.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Sharks are the natural enemy of X bike racers.
Penn: You hear a lot of voices in the crowd starting to chant, sharks, sharks, sharks, sharks, sharks.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] If you really want to see sharks, remember that you can get one free ticket to the aquarium with every family pass of four purchase for today's race, and that coupon is good for exactly one week.
Penn: The children scream even louder. Since Contagion is in the lead, I'm going to have her roll first and because Contagion is a lot better at this part of the race, at being athletic and making cool tricks, she's going to be rolling two yellow, two green, a purple and a red.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Two successes for Contagion. As Contagion continues to race through she deftly avoids many of the pitfalls, almost like she has some sort of insight into where they might be. And right behind her, as we hit this water is Hellcat.
Kit: Birdie will be rolling two yellow, two green, one blue, one red and one purple. One Triumph, four successes, and three advantages. Birdie knows this obstacle probably better than some of the other ones that she's faced, because it's one of the few obstacles that can be somewhat replicated outside of the Coliseum and outside of normal racing venues. As she enters the first couple of feet of this obstacle, she smiles to herself and will knock down a pair of sunglasses from her brow to minimize the glare and use some advice that she remembers Zan giving her about using the reflections and the different shades of water to best guess where she can time out her jumps and finds herself succeeding at it better than she ever has.
Penn: With such a roaring success Hellcat, since you got a triumph, you now get one more point in Place, signifying that you've taken the lead. You're able to take this first place away from Contagion for now. It's not a terrifying lead, but you've just edged her out. Now that you've succeeded, what keeps you moving through this?
Kit: Birdie, after making it past the second obstacle with such a massive success, her ego is pretty boosted right now, and as she glides past Contagion, just even by a couple of feet, she'll look over, take one hand off of her handle and gesture with her pinky facing towards her mouth and her thumb facing towards her ear.
Kit (as Birdie): Call me!
Kit: And will just keep going, because she wants to now win even more.
Penn: Contagion's eyes narrow as she grinds her nose down even further into her throttle. As we see Birdie edge out this lead, Cassidy, how are you handling this challenge?
Sydney: Her bike has a three Speed, but she now has a four in Athletics, so I am again rolling three yellows and a green against a red and a purple.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: Three successes and a threat.
Penn: Because only two advantages or two threats affect your roll, you can disregard that one threat and you've earned three points in Swagger for this challenge. What does it look like as you tackle this challenge and what drives you to complete it?
Sydney: So Cassidy, through the dark visor of her helmet, isn't quite as lost as someone more unprepared would be hitting the mirror sheen surface of the Whale Tail, but instead of going for a pure, clean approach going across, she specifically looks for a small ravine that goes perpendicular to the direction further into the course, and hits it at an angle where the back of her bike dips down just enough that she hits it on the incline and then pops out and gains air off of it. And as she's in the air, she spins her handlebars once around, lands it and throws up the metal horns to the crowd as she continues on her way through to show that it was a purposeful brush of an obstacle to show her abilities, rather than a mistake, though, the threat that doesn't matter is that it is a little bit rougher on the bike than it needed to be, if still within the tolerances of how rough these courses can be on the X bikes. And she zooms up in pursuit of the leaders.
Penn: The last team to compete in this challenge is the Cannon Academy. They're going to be rolling a yellow and a green against two purple.
[dice rolling]
Penn: They get a wash, except for two advantages, meaning they will get a blue die on their next roll, but for this part of the race, they earned no points and must spend an Integrity to keep going. And the way that manifests is because this is Instability, we can see that their bikes are starting to take the water damage from the last two races. They're not built as tough and as tight as the other two team spikes, and so we turn it back to our announcers to describe the action before our brave racers round to the next obstacle.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] All right, we're flying across the Whale Tail here. Everyone deftly avoiding holes or utilizing them to their advantage. Wow. Hellcat taking on a lot of speed here. Don't know if that's wise given the water, but it is working out for them quite well. Carbon didn't you use to race with Hellcat?
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Yeah, that's uh, this is not the same racer from back then. Unfortunately, Hellcat was uh, I don't really like to talk about it much. It's very sad time for me and my thoughts go out to their families.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] [scrambling to keep the hype] All right, let's not bring down the broadcast. Um
Penn: The crowd has gone a little quiet.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Anyway, Hellcat taking the lead. Looks like the Shard using those divots in the road fully to their advantage looking very sweet, Contagion's continuing to be cool, and Cannon Academy is technically still in this race.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Chyaa. They might as well pack it in now - probably be safer for them. You don't you don't want to see less talented racers in the way of the ones who are really being successful.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] That being said, completing the race still vital for scoring those points if they want to continue to move up, just maybe at this point, they shouldn't put themselves out on a limb -
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Yeah.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] - at any point, protect themselves and their bikes.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] I forgot how it works when you're not in first place, because I'm only ever in first place.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Charming. Anyway.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Oh, what are you, what are you doing later?
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] I'm not dignifying that with a response.
Penn: The crowd starts to chant, take him out. Take him out. Take him out.
Cameron: What the crowd knows that Carbon might have forgot is that Glimmer was incredibly well known for being a very violent racer.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Well we're still in this race, you gotta take this one obstacle at a time. A best defense is a good offense.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Well, I'm really looking forward to this final obstacle. It's definitely one of my favorites, and I know a lot about it.
Penn: And it's time to describe this new obstacle. So starting with the person in first place, Birdie, what driver stat would you like to choose?
Kit: I'm gonna go with Drive once more. Why not?
Penn: In second place, because Cassidy you scored higher than anyone but Birdie in this last round, you are now in second place. So would you like to pick Speed or Maneuver for this next challenge?
Sydney: I'm gonna pick Maneuver again because it is my highest stat.
Penn: Perfect. So this will be another Technical challenge - very technical race the Seven Seas Showdown. And in third place, Contagion is going to pick Instability once again. It is a Technical challenge against Instability, and we turn it back to Nick and Cameron, who will now create an amazing, extreme technical obstacle, a threat to bike control.
Cameron: So far in this race, we've been just remaining on the ground, and that's boring. So for the final obstacle, there's a big expanse that is just full of sand dunes of varying heights and of varying steepness-ness. There are sand castles tossed in among it just for aesthetics, but it's primarily now we're at a jumping challenge.
Nick: And what makes it extreme is that when you hit a sand dune with a motorcycle the top bursts and you go down the other side. But some of the sand dunes are hard on top, so they won't burst when the tires hit them, which would then launch you very high in the air.
Cameron: And this obstacle is called Son of a Beach.
Penn: This feels like an awesome obstacle to turn to our announcers, so our racers are fastly approaching this final obstacle as the loose dirt gravel of the track begins to give way to sand. What does the crowd here over their headphones?
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Oh chyah. I know so much about this obstacle. It gets used all the time. It's one of my favorites. Those sand dunes look like they'd be a fun, easy ride up and down the other side, but you got to look out, because some of them, the sand is slightly harder packed and it'll just launch you into the air. It's wild.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] It is wild. And I think we are continuing our aquatic theme of we've been very much in the water, and we are now approaching the shore as we approach the finish line. Thus we are now on the beach with this obstacle, Son of a Beach.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Son of a Beach I'm in.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Anyway, this will be a fun obstacle where plenty things can go wrong for our races, but there's also plenty of opportunities to look super sick.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] You ever seen an X Biker fly?
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Yes, both -
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Cause you're about to.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Both on purpose and on accident.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] We might see both of those in the next couple of minutes.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] This is very exciting.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] I like the part where they go in the air.
Penn: You hear the crowd start to sing a little chant that is common to this arena when they know the X Bikes are about to fly. And so since it is a Technical challenge, you'll be rolling your Technical skills against your Instability this time. And since you're in the lead Hellcat, you will be rolling first.
Kit: Birdie is going to be rolling two yellow, one green, one blue, one red and one purple. One success and three advantages.
Penn: With one success, that's a point towards Technical and with two advantages, because this is the final obstacle, you can add a point in the category of your choosing.
Kit: I'm gonna add that point into Place. Birdie is honestly having fun with this last obstacle, and she's letting out a
Kit (as Birdie): Woohoo!
Kit: As she goes on some of the peaks. And is a little bit less stringent about her placing first, necessarily, as much as just getting through this, because she knows this obstacle can be absolutely very dangerous if you don't take the proper care. But she's definitely in control on this last one, and as she pulls out of the way of the obstacle, she will reach down to pet a not burning hot part of the bike and mumble a quick congratulations to Zan for getting her through another race, and then put her face further into the throttle to finish out the last bit.
Penn: As Birdie revs through these dunes, how is Cassidy doing in this challenge?
Sydney: With Driving and Maneuver I am again rolling three yellows and a green against a red and a purple.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: A Triumph with no successes.
Penn: So Cassidy, you do get a point in Place, but technically, you've failed this roll, and so you're going to have to spend Integrity to be able to maintain your grip on this bike. And so what did you forget in your tuning crunch, and how does it manifest now?
Sydney: In building the bike for what the expected challenges were, the shocks are stiff like she's gonna do track driving and on the dunes it ends up that she loses a little bit of control. They didn't know specifically what from the pool of obstacles they were gonna see, and the wrong choice was made. So as she hits the top of one of the dunes she was hoping for a little bit firmer so that she could get some air and do a trick and then it bursts in a way that the bike shudders under her a little bit, and she has to quickly react to keep it going in the forward direction, as opposed to the sideways direction, which would be bad for her and the bike and the race. And so she ends up going through the obstacle a little bit faster than she maybe had been hoping for, but does not get a chance to demonstrate any of her technical skill beyond go up dune, go down dune, bike stay up.
Penn: And what's a frustration Cassidy must feel with this?
Sydney: In approaching this obstacle, she jockeys for position for a little bit with Contagion, not in a way that it necessarily affected her driving, but just enough to potentially throw off her concentration for the approach to not find the crest of the dune that she was looking for. So under pressure, with Contagion being so close by.
Penn: And with that Triumph giving you a point in Place, you are able to pull ahead of Birdie, but let's see if you maintain that lead to the end of the race. So I'll be rolling again for Contagion. That'll be two yellows and a green against a red and a purple.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Contagion rolled one success, putting her just in line next to Birdie as she passes through these dunes, trying her best to stay in the air, as that's her more natural territory. And the Cannon Academy are rolling two yellows against a red and a purple.
[dice rolling]
Penn: And that is also one success. And so the pack is going to be very tight into this finish, but with a minor lead by the Shard, and I'm going to turn it to our announcers as the race begins to end.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] All right. Well, this is the decidedly unexciting Son of a Beach. Got a whole lot of, whole lot of riders playing it save, it's not, not, not quite as explosive as it normally is.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Chyaa. You'd think everybody was comfortable with their position at the pack, but obviously, there's, there's a lot going on here. I wouldn't do that personally. I'd be trying to get some air and really impress the judges. But you know, sometimes people are a little worried about their mechanical standing. Sometimes they're a little worried about if their bikes are going to hold up, so I can understand playing it safe. That's not something I would ever do. But you know, that's what separates the pros from the semi pros, I guess.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] It does make sense this close to the finish line, as they are quickly approaching it, to prioritize not exploding your bike, and thus also not exploding yourself. These racers are gonna have to race again and you know what they say 'there's no I in team, but there is one in X Bike', so got to prioritize number one. And it does look like the Shard is gonna pull out ahead of the pack. And yes, the Shard is going to complete the race first.
Penn: And the crowd erupts, cheering for the finish of a race.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] The rest of the pack is really close together. Impressive, driving by everybody, except for Deletion, who crashed several minutes ago.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Yes, but did go out in a very watery blaze of glory.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Oh yeah, it was, it was good to see the crowd loved it.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] If you got a wreck a bike, make it entertaining at least.
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] If you got a wreck a bike, make sure it's through several glass walls filled with water in front of a screaming crowd.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] Yeah, the common X Bike saying, make sure that you go through-
Nick (as Carbon): [over radio] Yeah.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over radio] - several fish tanks. Uh huh. So reminder to everyone that this has been the Seventh Sea Showdown sponsored by the Eighth Sea Aquarium. Your family passes today will get you one free ticket, and remember the kids eat free fish for lunch on Thursdays. We're going to tally up the scores and we will be down on the track to present our winners here shortly. Please take this time and get yourself a snack.
Penn: We flash to about 20 minutes later to the scoring on the floor of the arena. Carbon and Glimmer have joined down at the bottom and now hold microphones as speakers crackle to life throughout the arena. The racers are all lined up next to their bikes in a neat line, except for Deletion who did not receive the honor of being in the finishing lineup. Let's tally up scores quick! Nick and Cameron, do you each want to roll a d4 to see which of the scoring skills will be a little more weighted by the crowd and judges.
Nick: I rolled a two.
Cameron: And I rolled a three.
Penn: So that means Technical and Swagger will both get double points, which is convenient because that was our two skills. The speakers throughout the arena start to crackle to life as the last remaining people who still had their headphones in start to take them out. Everyone's on the edge of their seats, and the crowd has started to become quiet since they've heard the static.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over speakers] And we're back and we have scores for you!
Cameron: Glimmer makes a dramatic hand gesture as she welcomes the crowd back. She is a medium height woman. Looks to be mid 40s, probably. She has silvery white hair that falls to about her shoulder just on one side. The other side is shaved down to a buzz cut, and she is wearing a red jean jacket style, but it's all red glitter instead of jean material, and across the shoulders of it, it has glimmer written in the letter jacket text. So it has the long tail from the R that crosses underneath it, and then it has some of her wins denoted within the tail.
Nick: Carbon has a very punchable face, and he's wearing a flat brimmed baseball cap that is turned up on his head and he is wearing a jacket with a bunch of sponsor logos all over it.
Nick (as Carbon): [over speakers] Yeah, it was a really close race, but the scores tell a different tale.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over speakers] Reminder everyone just because a racer crosses the finish line first does not mean that they have won the race, although they did technically finish the race first. The obstacles and the technicality of a racer's performance are weighted and scored by the judges, and while obviously your race finishing place does impact your score, how shiny you are, how flashy you are, leading up to the big finish is really what counts. Carbon, would you like to announce off third place winner?
Nick (as Carbon): [over speakers] Chyaa. Kind of ironic here, because they were the ones to place first physically, but in third place is the Shard!
Sydney: Hearing the lead in, she had a chance to wrap her head around it, but she knows that she didn't do this race as well as she would have wanted to, so she gives a bit of a nod down before looking around and sliding her aviators out of her pocket onto her face, continuing the style that she had shown before, because now it is a mask of showmanship to hide her own feelings behind.
Nick (as Carbon): [over speakers] The Shard did a really strong race. Really was careful and made sure to show off at the right points, and it just didn't all quite come together for them this time. But there's always the next race.
Penn: And the crowd cheers.
Cameron (as Glimmer): [over speakers] All right, our second place winner with some excellent technical skills showing off, and a fair amount of swagger and an excellent overall coolness factor, we have Contagion!
Penn: And the crowd shouts partially enraged and partially in support, as Contagion, in this all burgundy racing suit, takes off her helmet, revealing a strong jaw, a long pink Mohawk and too many facial piercings to count. And she looks down for a second, disappointed, before putting on a smile and making big waves to the crowd with her helmet tucked under one arm.
Nick (as Carbon): [over speakers] And uh, that leads us to announce the winner. I don't think anyone's going to be surprised, especially after their performance on the Whale Tail, but we are very happy to announce that the winner of this year's Seven Sea Showdown is Hellcat. [Krush the turtle laugh/yeah]
Penn: The crowd erupts in a way that you didn't think was possible from this big of a crowd so far. They are in love with this comeback story, and they want you to hear it. What does Birdie look like as she accepts this win and is handed the Seven Seas Showdown mini cup?
Kit: Birdie is holding her washer necklace in one hand and has left her helmet to be abandoned and has the mini cup in her other hand and is just beaming and looks at Cassidy and is just grinning and going,
Kit (as Birdie): We did it!!
Sydney: In an echo of the previous race, Cassidy runs over and lifts Birdie's hand up in the air to celebrate their winning racer.
Penn: Birdie before long, you're swamped with not only fans, but different local media outlets, different people reaching out to you, asking about branding opportunities. You're almost separated from Cassidy before you get to say~
Kit: Birdie takes a page out of Cassidy's book after her win during their last race and will keep it low key for any offers and she'll just say,
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, thanks as always to Cassidy Shard, my amazing teammate, and thank everyone for a good race. See you next time!
Penn: As people are enamored with the charm of this new Hellcat, we turn back to the second and third place racers who are not receiving nearly as much attention. It was maybe about 10 minutes of interviews and negotiations before both Cassidy and Contagion are left alone near each other and their bikes. Contagion, with her Mohawk flattened by her helmet, but reaching long down her back, comes up to you, Cassidy, and holds out a hand.
Sydney: Cassidy meets the held out hand with a handshake, unsure where this is gonna go. A little on guard.
Penn (as Contagion): I just wanted to congratulate you on the race out there. That was actually very impressive technique. We're a little upstart ourself, but you came out of nowhere, but I really appreciate that you guys are racing - I don't know. It's nice to have some natural competition out here. Everybody's accepting all these slingshots with brands and all this kind of stuff, but I loved your jacket and now I love your racing, so you're a double threat, as they say, so thank you.
Sydney: Cassidy gives a surprised smile at the genuineness and goes
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, it's fun to be on the track and not have to focus so much on the bike to bike conflict portion of the race, so maybe we'll see you're out there again, if your partner can uh, [laugh] get back on a bike soon.
Penn (as Contagion): Oh, not my partner. No worries. But no. I mean, if I know we introduced ourselves again, but Contagion, I don't know if you remember it. We actually practice down by Tornado Corridor, if you're ever around there and want a little bit more intense practice. If you ever wanted to work with the ScavengHERs too, we'd always be willing to poach you. But I know you're probably pretty tight since -
Penn: And she looks over to Birdie, still being swamped with a small crowd.
Penn (as Contagion): - looks like you've already hooked on to the right trailer.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, I'll give it a thought, I'm sure. It's, yeah nice to have new training partners that probably won't immediately stab me in the back. This sport.
Penn (as Contagion): No stabbing in the back - got it. Okay well, have a nice day, Cassidy Shard, I'll see you back on the track.
Sydney (as Cassidy): You too, Contagion.
Penn (as Contagion): And I'm looking forward to it.
Sydney: Cassidy's eyes are not especially readable through her dark aviators as Contagion retreats, but she does have a smile on her face. She did just place in this race after all.
[hurdy gurdy music swells]
Outro:
Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.
This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:
Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.
Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.
You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
Until you tune back…
…stay bold and stay kind