The Patina continues adjusting to life on the road again.
The Patina continues adjusting to life on the road again.
Announcements:
Thanks to Ben R. for the wonderful tabletop game “Pull Over, I Need to Pee”, about the interstitial moments between chapters, the moments that are usually skipped, overlooked, or deemed not important enough. Behind the scenes, we used this to help spark some of our narrative direction this episode, though the gameplay itself didn’t make it in. You can find the game here: Pull Over, I Need to Pee.
Cast:
- Marathon Messenger is played by Pen Prairie-Larson. She can be found on Twitter and Bluesky at @acquiredchaste. Pen is a teacher and indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes the X-Bike Ruleset, a high-risk fantasy sports game from the world of AKoSaP. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
- Cassidy Shard is played by Sydney Whittington. She is our wonderful editor. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Bluesky at @sydneywhitt.
- Emma Blackwood is played by Cameron Robertson. Find her on Twitter at @midnightmusic13 and on Instagram and TikTok at @reading_and_dreaming. Cameron was also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a fully completed Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
- Birdie Foundling is played by Kit Adames. Find her on Instagram at @venusvultures. Kit can also be found in the Discord, along with her collection of AKoSaP art that grows whenever she’s not facing art block.
- Our GM and narrator is Nick Robertson. Find him on Twitter at @alias58. Nick was also the GM for Tabletop Squadron and can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
Music & Sound Credits:
- This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
- old radio Channel search sound effect by Garuda1982. Link & License.
- Wherever I Lay My Hat, That's My Wife by Doctor Turtle. Link & License.
- NEONBULA.mp3 by P C III. Link & License.
Art Credits:
- The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @rashedjrs.
Find Us Online:
- Our Website
- Twitter
- Join our Patreon
- Join our Discord
A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript
Season 4 Episode 2: The Extremely Comfortable Big Road
Transcript by Cameron Robertson
Intro:
[hurdy gurdy music begins]
Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –
Pen: Pen Prairie-Larson as Marathon Messenger.
Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling.
Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood.
Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard.
Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.
Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:
It’s time for the Patina to get on the road again, and you know what that means. It’s time for us to give another round of thanks to Ben R. for the wonderful tabletop game “Pull Over, I Need to Pee”, about the interstitial moments between chapters, the moments that are usually skipped, overlooked, or deemed not important enough. As before, we used it behind the curtain to help shape our road trip scenes this episode. The link to the game can be found in the show notes.
And, if you want to hear us play some other indie RPGs like our very own Pen’s Spelljam,
consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 4, Episode 2: The Extremely Comfortable Big Road. And so…
“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches
To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”
[hurdy gurdy music ends]
[electronic beeping]
[robotic powerup noise begins]
Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.
[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]
[over radio]
Pen (as Marathon): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, we got back on the road after leaving Birdie’s hometown of Sasnak Traveling, and with that we got back into the routines of our travel and Emma read us a romance novel that everybody hated expert for me I guess. Cassidy made probably the best fucking clan chowder I've ever had. [laugh] God I love that woman. And yeah, we set up camp. I'd never thought I'd say this but it's really nice to be back on the road. Traveling, sleeping in tents. I think I'm getting pretty accustomed to this life, but I guess you never know what sort of action is coming towards the Patina next.
[radio static]
Episode Start:
Nick: The sky is overcast and gray as the Patina packs up their camp and sets out on the road. What passes is a week of travel slowed down by periodic snow and just getting back into the habit of travel. As you all relearn each other's habits and routines and get back into the mentality of crossing great distances. Because you have an objective, but no real timeline for getting there, you find yourself stopping regularly and making sure to get plenty of rest and recuperation. Your first stop along the way is a settlement nestled into a copse of rocks. There are lean-tos and cabins built around this area. It looks more permanent than you would expect something out here on the plains to be. And you realize that this is a port of sorts that leads to Sasnak Traveling. There is a large radio antenna sticking up above the settlement and a wide range of people both coming and going.
As you park and enter into the settlement, you see some people whose clothes were once much nicer than they are now, having been tattered by travel. Some of the upper crust of Sasnak who were expelled after Opal's fall from grace and failed invasion. And they are hovering around the outskirts of this settlement, clearly at a loss for what to do next as they try to figure out how to regain what grace they had and maybe make it back to the city. There are places in the settlement as you begin to look around where you can drop off and pick up mail to and from Sasnak. There is a radio station that is currently playing classical music, but is also used to communicate with the city and get coordinates for where it currently has traveled. And there are places to exchange money types from triangles to other currencies for people who are leaving or headed towards the city.
Pen: Marathon, who's had her head out the window of the rig, her eyes bug a little bit when she sees the post office. And she pats her little sling bag until she pulls out postcards. She's like,
Pen (as Marathon): I made doubles just in case Sasnak mail system didn't get those to my Nana, so I'm gonna run over there, send these real quick. Y'all alright if I leave you here for a bit? Sorry.
Cameron (as Emma): Yes?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah go for it.
Pen (as Marathon): Okay, perfect.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, go ahead.
Pen (as Marathon): Be right back.
Cameron (as Emma): Don't get lost, make good choices.
Pen (as Marathon): Of course!
Pen: Marathon trots over, postcards in hand, to the post office.
Kit (as Birdie): She's so getting lost. [laugh]
Cameron (as Emma): I, I agree. [giggle]
Kit (as Birdie): Uh~
Sydney (as Cassidy): Fortunately, I traded most of our excess triangles before we left, because I figured the rates would be better.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney (as Cassidy): But if this is probably like a good place to try and spend any of the few I have left if we want. I'll go check supplies. It's a good place to get a couple more consumables.
Cameron (as Emma): Mkay.
Sydney (as Cassidy): You guys need anything specific?
Cameron (as Emma): Um~
Kit (as Birdie): Uh, I don’t think we do outside of like supply runs and stuff.
Cameron (as Emma): A fresh loaf of bread.
Sydney (as Cassidy): [fond chuckle] Of course. I will give it a look around.
Cameron (as Emma): Thank you.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I wonder if all of these Sasnak ex-, what, uh, Nobles have good opinions or bad opinions on bread?
Kit (as Birdie): Hmm, well.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Maybe someone's manservant is out here cooking.
Cameron (as Emma): [laugh]
Kit (as Birdie): I think it would be great to give them some really lovely directions towards the nearest big city.
Sydney (as Cassidy): You mean Sasnak?
Kit (as Birdie): No, like, I just wanna fuck with them. [laugh] That's it. I just wanna go fuck with them and put them and point them in the wrong direction.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay, well, I'm gonna go look for food. Um, I didn't hear anything and I didn't see anything.
Sydney: And Cassidy looks over to Emma to absolve her of the responsibility.
Cameron (as Emma): I unfortunately saw and heard everything.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, good luck. Emma, you're in charge. You know where I'll be.
Cameron (as Emma): Thanks. [laugh]
Sydney: And Cassidy turns to go look through the stalls for bread and meat and dairy and produce.
Nick: The shopping is not amazing here, Cassidy. Being kind of out on these plains without a ton of resources around, most of it is travel supplies rather than fresh food. But you are able to supplement what you have so far with your remaining triangles and extend the quality of food for your travel a decent amount. The bread is phenomenal. They've made an oven out of a carved-out vehicle of some kind that they welded together and sealed up and there is somebody who just bakes bread all day. And it is sourdough and large crispy loaves and delicious and you smell it from quite a ways away. It leads you straight to it.
Sydney: Cassidy takes her time looking through the wares, smelling, and eventually we see her heading back to the rig with a large paper bag full of multiple loaves of different types.
Nick: So Cassidy is able to find some good supplies. Marathon is mailing off doubles of her postcards to Nana to make sure that they get through. And Emma and Birdie, you are approaching a group of people who appear to be down on their luck, but once quite wealthy, who are standing around arguing periodically with each other, but mostly looking at a loss for what to do next.
Cameron (as Emma): Alright, Birdie, these are your people. I will, I will let you fuck with them. I am here as muscle support and backup as needed.
Kit (as Birdie): Absolutely.
Kit: Um, how well would these people recognize Birdie as like one of the people that got them in trouble in the first place?
Nick: I don't think they would. They're pretty self-absorbed. And Birdie was a piece of a much more complex tapestry of political engagement. It is extremely unlikely that someone would be like, ‘You're Birdie. This is your fucking fault.’ Someone might notice them as one of the X-Bike riders, but they're not gonna connect those dots.
Kit: Birdie approaches and has her hands behind her back very demurely. She's approaching and trying to make herself smaller because these people have egos. And she will go up to whoever seems to be the oldest woman and will try to graciously interrupt their conversation as socially acceptable as possible. She'll go,
Kit (as Birdie): Hi, I'm so sorry. I couldn't help it overhear - um, do you guys need help with anything?
Nick: This woman is fairly squat with a beehive hairdo that has seen better days and is wearing a brocade dress that is muddy and torn down by the hem.
Nick (as Noblewoman): Who are you?
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, I'm just passing by, but I know this area really well if you guys are looking for anything in particular.
Nick: Her disinterest fades a little as she looks at you full-on.
Nick (as Noblewoman): Why would you think that we need help?
Kit (as Birdie): Well.
Kit: There's a freeze frame slash zoom out and everyone is watching this group of people because they are very clearly out of their depth.
Nick: Mm-hmm.
Kit: And she goes,
Kit (as Birdie): Um, I just overheard some of your conversation and I just wanted to see if I could potentially point you guys in the direction of one of the nicer towns around this area. You guys seem like you're uh, kinda upper crust. [girlish giggle]
Nick: She pauses, looks at you, seems to debate internally. The look on her face is somebody who does not want to accept help from someone beneath her, but also someone who has no idea what she's gonna do next. And finally says,
Nick (as Noblewoman): I suppose we could accept some directions if you are offering. We wouldn't be paying you though, for just such simple conversation.
Kit (as Birdie): Of course not. Just uh, free information.
Nick (as Noblewoman): Then, out with it, girl. What information do you have?
Kit: Birdie's gonna pull out a little pocket map of hers that she totally didn't steal from the Sasnak little tourist area that exists down near the Ramp where there's a bunch of brochures and maps of the area surrounding Sasnak. And she will circle what seems to be the world's tiniest tiniest little dot on a map of the area and will go.
Kit (as Birdie): So, it's kind of a, a little bit of a secret for the people of this area, but there's this hidden gem of a city. Um, it's called Dean City. And if you go there, it's like an oasis. It's completely clean, well-run, big enough to get some nice real estate, and they can definitely get you some transportation to the next biggest city that you're looking for.
Nick: Make me a hard Deception check.
Kit: I'm going to be rolling two yellows, one green, and three purple. One success and two threats.
Nick: Oh goodness. With the success, she nods as you are pointing out Dean City and how to get there and says,
Nick (as Noblewoman): North, you say? Well, that aligns with our plans that we already had. I suppose we might as well stop by on our journey. Thank you for your advice. Uh, you can go now.
Kit (as Birdie): Course. Happy to help. [cute giggle]
Nick: And they immediately start packing up and heading to go. And you see the group has made a special note of you. And the leader that you were talking to is talking to some of the settlement locals and pointing you out. So people know that you did this. That's what the threats are.
Kit: Birdie gives a winning smile to anyone who looks confused and waves back.
Nick: And it doesn't look like anyone is blowing your cover either. The people of this town - you've heard some of the scuttlebutt about Opal's betrayal has already made it here and is what everyone is talking about as you all explore this little settlement. And this group of well-to-do Sasnak citizens were aligned with Opal and everyone is happy to see them go. So they know that you sent them off to pretty much the middle of nowhere, but no one stops them as they pack up their things and leave in a considerable hurry.
Kit (as Birdie): That felt good.
Cameron (as Emma): There's defin- there's definitely nothing up there, right?
Kit (as Birdie): Cows, wheat, maybe a little corn. I think a general store, if that's still open.
Pen: Marathon pops up, breathing just a little hard.
Pen (as Marathon): Okay, I caught up to y'all. Sent my postcards in. Were you up to, up to some good?
Kit (as Birdie): Nope.
Pen (as Marathon): Sounds like, sounds like us.
Cameron (as Emma): Not, wha- what?
Kit (as Birdie): I was up to the greater good.
Pen (as Marathon): Great. Good.
Cameron (as Emma): Not, not being up for good sounds like us?
Pen (as Marathon): Occasionally,
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Pen (as Marathon): - if I'm being honest. Nah, okay, uh, y'all lead the way. I'm, I'm all ready to keep movin.
Pen: And Marathon does a few air punches.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, let's get out of here.
Cameron (as Emma): Dang, y'all are that eager to get back in the truck? I wanna s- stretch. This is, ugh.
Kit (as Birdie): We should do our stretches.
Pen (as Marathon): I stretch every morning for an hour.
Kit (as Birdie): No, you don't. You punch the air for an hour. [laugh]
Pen (as Marathon): Sometimes that's stretching too.
Cameron (as Emma): That, that's no- mm. [short laugh] Mm, is it?
Pen: Marathon huffs and walks ahead.
Sydney: As you inevitably get close to the rig after stalling for as much time as possible, the smell of fresh bread coming from in the cab does its purpose in making you feel a little bit better to get back in.
Cameron: Emma immediately starts sprinting for the truck. Emma sprints for no man, but she will sprint for bread.
Nick: Having reset your supplies, mailed some letters, and thoroughly ruined some overprivileged people, the Patina carries on and the trip is uneventful. You make camp for the night and the next day, you find yet another interesting place to stop. You all stop and parked next to a slight drift of snow. In the middle of nowhere, there is a single barn wall with a painting of some kind on it that you all decide to get out and investigate.
Sydney: Cassidy points to a small brown discolored patch in one corner and then to a larger grayish blob on the right.
Sydney (as Cassidy): It's definitely Sasnak following the cows.
Cameron (as Emma): Very good, very good, yes.
Kit: Birdie is looking at some graffiti that is directly next to it. And there's just a little cartoon-ish doodle of a baby cow and she's like,
Kit (as Birdie): I don't know what y'all are looking at. This is the good part over here.
Cameron (as Emma): Does, does it, does it actually follow the cows? It can't - that makes zero sense.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I don't know, that was just the...
Cameron (as Emma): There aren't just giant herds of roaming cows, right?
Kit (as Birdie): Cows aren't -
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): It could be buffalo.
Cameron (as Emma): That's, that's a cow. It has spots. That is not a buffalo.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, but cows are, cows are like put on farms. Buffalos have like a ton more uh, roaming area.
Cameron (as Emma): I know, but I'm looking at the art - that's a cow.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, maybe they just couldn't draw buffalos.
Sydney: Cassidy gets up really close and is squinting at the brownish blobs to see if there is any more detail to be gained.
Kit (as Birdie): It's like how everybody draws birds as like Ms in the sky.
Nick: Cassidy, roll me a hard Perception check.
Cameron: Emma comes over to investigate the cows.
Sydney: Um, so I will be rolling two yellows and a green, plus two blues from being in engaged range with Emma against three purples.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: Two failures and three advantages.
Nick: The failure is you are unable to make out what this painting is. Just up close, it makes no sense. It just looks like blobs of color. But those advantages...
Pen (as Marathon): Wait, Cassidy!
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yes?
Pen (as Marathon): Don't move.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay.
Pen: And Marathon, who has now been standing on the top of the rig, is holding one eye closed and framing this barn wall with her fingers, trying to focus and receive the image.
Pen (as Marathon): Oh my god.
Pen: And with Cassidy standing there, it pulls the whole mural together, even with its faded colors. And altogether, it shows, it's almost like a sort of map. The vague Sasnak-looking shape looks like it has trails around it that have since faded in spots, so it's hard to see where they all connect and meet and exactly where they place. But it looks like a pretty detailed map of Sasnak's movements, including many spots where it seems to visit different livestock troves.
Pen (as Marathon): Uh, it's, it's like, no, stay right there. It's like, you're right there. It's like covering up the missing part. It does look like, I think, Birdie, you're right. There's, -
Kit (as Birdie): I am?
Pen (as Marathon): - it looks like Sasnak is like following, I mean, not following, but it's a bunch of trails of Sasnak, and it's stopping or coming near all these spots where cows are marked, or buffalo are marked, or, it looks like even horses are marked on there.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Emma, can I - can you trade with me? I need to go climb on the rig, I guess.
Cameron (as Emma): Uh, sure.
Cameron: Emma swaps places.
Sydney: Cassidy carefully positions Emma in the same spot and then clambers up on the rig.
Pen (as Marathon): You see, it's almost like, you see Emma there, it's almost like her silhouette is like, the shadows casting kind of fills in where we're missing on this map. This is kind of revolutionary. I bet Winifred would love this.
Kit (as Birdie): When if Fred would freak if it didn't have anything to do with computers?
Sydney (as Cassidy): I... Feel like, yeah, I, I think I can actually make more sense of it from here, which is weird. How the, how did you notice this, Marathon?
Pen (as Marathon): Well, I was coming up on top of the rig to hang out, and then I started noticing stuff was, you see those little wispy trails?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Mm-hmm.
Pen (as Marathon): It's like, it's, I don't know if the angle, you can't see them on the ground, but they're a little iridescent. It looks like, like in this elevated position is maybe where you're supposed to be seeing it.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Huh.
Kit (as Birdie): Maybe there was like a house over there or something.
Sydney: Cassidy climbs down off the rig and starts looking for signs of anything, which is probably quite hard in the snow.
Nick: Yeah, it's snowy. The ground is hard. There's tall grass and overgrowth everywhere. If you spent a day searching, you could probably get a feel for what used to be here, but it is going to take a lot more effort than you probably want to put into it. This may just be one of those mysteries.
Sydney: Cassidy looks back at the barn wall and considers for a second. Is it worth trying to camp here and waste an entire day doing this? And then she looks at the sun and the sky, where it's still only barely late morning, and shakes her head.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Emma, do you want to climb up and go see up? I can get back in the focus spot, I guess.
Pen (as Marathon): Nah, nah, nah, y'all, y'all are much more...
Pen: And Marathon starts hopping down, gets down to her knees on top of the rig, and places her palms down and hops down.
Pen (as Marathon): Y'all are much better at extrapolating these kind of images in a smart way. I'm just gonna stand there and take that as my job right now, casting shadows.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay.
Pen: And Marathon jogs over to the spot where she's supposed to stand.
Cameron (as Emma): It's all yours, man.
Cameron: And Emma heads towards the cab to climb up top.
Pen: With a high five.
Sydney: Cassidy goes to the other side of the wall and it mostly looks like an old weathered barn wall.
Cameron (as Emma): Oh, weird. Why, why is it a picture from back here?
Sydney (as Cassidy): That's what I'm saying.
Cameron (as Emma): The cows are smaller, why do they look more like cows now?
Cameron: Emma uses her brain to take a picture.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Birdie, what is your opinion of, uh, inscrutable wall art on a wall in the middle of a field?
Kit: Birdie finishes up the drawing that she's adding to the graffiti section. Uh, really what looks to just be an S with too many corners. And she goes,
Kit (as Birdie): One second, one second.
Kit: And she'll jog back to the rig to get up on it and go,
Kit (as Birdie): Huh. Yeah, like I said, no one's allowed to tell Winifred about this. She'll literally freak.
Pen (as Marathon): This is just like my art teacher, Miss Karen. It's like, you get a different frame of view, point of view, object, something.
Kit (as Birdie): [interrupting] Like, are we, are we trying to decipher what's going on with it?
Cameron (as Emma): I, I mean, I think it's Sasnak moving along all of those lines, visiting petting zoos.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, maybe Sasnak just likes animals.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, it's surprisingly like sensible,
Sydney: As Cassidy walks back over.
Sydney (as Cassidy): It's surprisingly sensible when you're on the rig for some reason.
Pen (as Marathon): I think it's the iridescence, cuz it's beautiful.
Cameron (as Emma): I, I think the real question here is, why did somebody draw this on a barn?
Kit (as Birdie): Genius exists everywhere you look, Emma.
Cameron (as Emma): Oh, okay.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Because the cows needed to know when Sasnak was gonna get here next.
Cameron (as Emma): How does this tell them anything like that, Cassidy?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, you have to know where Sasnak's been to know where it's going.
Kit (as Birdie): Not really.
Cameron (as Emma): I, I can't, I can't, oh my gosh.
Sydney: Cassidy's grin is getting wider.
Pen (as Marathon): Do you think it still follows these same paths?
Cameron (as Emma): May- maybe?
Pen (as Marathon): Or is this just one-time paths?
Cameron (as Emma): I, if it was one-time paths, I don't know why anyone would draw it. Does it, does it still do it today? I, I don't know, I, I, I saw, like, charts of where Sasnak had been traveling and stuff when I visited Winifred's office, but I didn't pay that close attention to be able to compare it with this at all. Especially since I don't know where we are, so I don't know where.
Pen (as Marathon): So it's just a fucking mystery?
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, it's just a fucking mystery.
Cameron (as Emma): Just, just appreciate it as art, Marathon.
Pen (as Marathon): Ain't that a wonder of life?
Sydney: Cassidy goes and digs in the side of the rig and gets her orienteering equipment out to very precisely be able to put a point on the map in case it ever comes up later that this barn is here for Winifred, who has, to her knowledge, never left Sasnak.
Kit (as Birdie): Maybe Sasnak just really wants to pet the animals.
Cameron (as Emma): I mean, that's what I was thinking. Petting zoos are great.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, you never know.
Pen (as Marathon): Okay, my legs hurt. Let's go.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, I got the, the, the spot down.
Pen (as Marathon): Did everybody pee?
Kit (as Birdie): Did you pee?
Pen (as Marathon): Aw, shoot. Dirt.
Cameron (as Emma): Guys.
Pen (as Marathon): Be right back.
Cameron (as Emma): You.
Sydney: Cassidy shakes her head as she gets ready to get the rig moving again.
Nick: And after everybody peas, the rig rolls onward. And for a couple of days, you pass nondescript plains with nothing worth mentioning until suddenly the road forward becomes unbelievably smooth. When you look down out of the sides of the rig, you can see that you have found what looks to be a stretch of land that has been freshly paved. And there is a small work shack to the side of this road. You can see it does not go very far, but this is the nicest quality road that you've ever driven on.
Pen (as Marathon): Oh, finally, some smooth fucking driving.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, that's, this is actually like kinda dangerous in the winter, cuz you know, it freezes over really quickly if it's smooth.
Pen (as Marathon): Ah, freeze schmeeze.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] Freeze schmeeze!?
Pen (as Marathon): [overlapping] Not feeling like I can, don't feel like I need to hurl.
Cameron (as Emma): Uh, ice is kind of, ice is kind of bad for this big of, sliding's not good, okay?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, what's the worst that could happen? I mean, we just like go forward, we start sliding, we slide off the road, we flip over,
Sydney (as Cassidy): [overlapping] the, uh, Knight goes, you know, straight through the side of the thing, our gas tank explodes and we all die, like...
Pen (as Marathon): [overlapping] Yeah, what's the worst that could...
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah. You're, you're doing a great job describing it, Cassidy, yes.
Sydney (as Cassidy): [overlapping] We could kill some civilians, too.
Pen (as Marathon): [overlapping] Cass, you cracked me up. Okay, fine. Ice mad, scary.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.
Pen (as Marathon): [overlapping] Ice could kill me, like eight billion other things.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] Crash bad, no want do.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Honestly, though, this road seems pretty nice.
Nick: As you continue to roll onward, you see two gentlemen step out of the shack that is next to the road and wave you down, trying to get you to stop. They don't appear to be armed or anything.
Pen (as Marathon): Stop! I, I recognize those hats.
Kit (as Birdie): I don't, -
Sydney (as Cassidy): What?
Kit (as Birdie): - should we stop, guys?
Pen (as Marathon): Stop, stop.
Kit (as Birdie): I don't, I don't know if we should.
Sydney (as Cassidy): [interrupting] Yeah, go ahead and pull over, Birdie. Let's, let's, Marathon has...
Pen (as Marathon): Please. Entertain me, please. It's been nothing but planes. Plane, pl- planes, -
Kit (as Birdie): What?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Like, big flat ground.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh.
Pen (as Marathon): - you know?
Pen (as Marathon): [overlapping] Yeah, grass, grass, not even a cow.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] Yeah, I guess I just, I've just been focused on the room. Anyways, go find, yeah, I'm for stopping.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay, Marathon, who are these guys?
Pen (as Marathon): Okay, okay, okay. I recognize those hats.
Sydney (as Cassidy): We're not about to get robbed, right?
Pen (as Marathon): No, you should let them introduce themselves to you, okay? Uh, is, The Big Road guy, I, I already s-
Kit (as Birdie): What? Did they do a musical number?
Pen (as Marathon): Um...
Cameron (as Emma): Marathon, what?
Sydney: With a big eye roll and a look back at whoever is going to humor her from in the cab, Cassidy climbs out to be face to face with these two guys in signature hats.
Nick: They are both wearing extremely distinctive neon-orange helmets with wide brims that would presumably keep the sun off and wearing well-worn business suits. These two men bow as you all get out of the truck and say,
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Oh, welcome! How are you enjoying The Big Road?
Pen (as Marathon): I knew it! Oh.
Kit (as Birdie): Doesn't seem so big to me.
Pen (as Marathon): Wait, you guys! Oh, I have not met another Big Road folk since I moved out of Incantation. You know Incantation - where my Nana's at? Or, no, sorry, you wouldn't know my... Did you ever go to Incantation? I don't know, I know you all know those Big Road people. I don't know how connected you all are, but it's so nice to see y'all again. I love those hats.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Oh.
Pen: Marathon is just excited and jabbering in her green parka.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Well, you already know about the project, then. That's great to hear.
Pen (as Marathon): Are you, are you, -
Cameron (as Emma): Mar-?
Pen (as Marathon): - uh, looking for donations, tolls?
Cameron (as Emma): Marathon, what the fuck is going on?
Pen (as Marathon): Oh, it's The Big Road, you know? The, -
Cameron (as Emma): No.
Pen (as Marathon): - y'all heard The Big Road?
Kit (as Birdie): No.
Cameron (as Emma): No.
Sydney (as Cassidy): What is The Big Road?
Nick (as Mr. Smith): This is more of a proof of concept, really. No tolls, but we are accepting donations to anybody who travels by. The goal would be to connect ocean to ocean across this great land with roads of this highest of quality, helping to pioneer the human spirit and engage in togetherness. It's the ultimate act of peace: building a Big Road.
Pen (as Marathon): Yeah.
Pen: Marathon's eyes are sparkling.
Cameron: Emma falls back to stand right next to Cassidy and leans over and whispers,
Cameron (as Emma): But this road is going north-south.
Sydney (as Cassidy): There's probably oceans north and south.
Pen (as Marathon): Okay, no, these guys used to come door to door in Incantation and other places too, but...
Kit (as Birdie): Door to door.
Pen (as Marathon): Talking about, yeah, talking about The Big Road, getting the money together for it.
Kit (as Birdie): And you didn't shoot him?
Pen (as Marathon): No, why would you shoot The Big Road guys?
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Whoa, hold on there. This is an act of peace.
Kit (as Birdie): Because Nona told me to shoot anybody that came to my door that I didn't know. I'm joking, sorry.
Sydney (as Cassidy): That's a bold maneuver for someone who let Wander come to our door.
Cameron (as Emma): You. You, you can just put out a no soliciting sign, guys, it's not a big deal.
Kit (as Birdie): I was joking.
Kit: Birdie is standing directly outside the driver's side door of the rig and is holding the keys outward in her hand with the ignition key, ready to go.
Pen: Marathon, who's already pretty close to these guys, rushes up to shake their hands.
Pen (as Marathon): Thank you for your work. We, me and my Nana, we're big fans.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): It's great to meet somebody who's already aware of the pitch. I'm Mr. Smith, and this is my colleague, Mr. Smith. Uh, we are out here. This was the easiest place to build the first stretch of the road, you see, and, uh, we send our investors out here to experience it firsthand.
Pen (as Marathon): Wow, the first stretch.
Kit (as Birdie): Hmm.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): We're, of course, still requiring quite a bit of funds, but, uh, as you can see with our proprietary technology, even in the winter, this road keeps great grip and is easy on both the suspension and the behind, if I do say so myself.
Pen (as Marathon): I was just saying that in the rig. Wasn't I just saying that, y'all?
Sydney (as Cassidy): She was just saying that.
Pen: Marathon turns towards the rest of the Patina. How did they look?
Cameron: Slightly slack jawed, just staring at Marathon, s- slightly confused.
Sydney: Cassidy is giving the expression of someone who has just seen the most contrived sales pitch by someone in a market stall and is like, ‘yes, this does solve the specific problem you've laid out, but how much does this problem even exist in the real world?’ it's a very eloquent expression.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Well, uh, since you're aware of our great mission across this great land, you know, for just a triangle, a sphere, or a square, we could add feet, nay, yards to this great road.
Pen (as Marathon): Dang, do you have other proofs of concept, or like, other parts of the road built?
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Probably. We're, we're, of course, just a regional office. We have been, we already used up our allocated funds for this proof of concept here, but I'm sure that our compatriots across the land have been doing the same thing we have, and they'll be connected together in no time.
Pen (as Marathon): Yeah.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Isn't that right, Mr. Smith?
Nick: And the other gentleman nods.
Pen (as Marathon): No, I get it, like, yeah, you all have the different offices, and you're building the roads towards each other. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): So, -
Nick (as Mr. Smith): So, uh, what kind of donation can I put you down for?
Kit (as Birdie): - um.
Pen (as Marathon): [overlapping] Yeah, can we, uh...
Nick (as Mr. Smith): [overlapping] Of course, every, every donation comes with your name added to the roster of the investors.
Pen (as Marathon): What?
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Once it's connected, you'll get a discount on tolls as well.
Pen (as Marathon): Whoa, the one in Incantation never had that pitch.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, so they're gonna be tolls eventually?
Pen (as Marathon): Yeah, yeah, that was part of it.
Kit (as Birdie): Why is that okay, Marathon?
Cameron (as Emma): [interrupting] Marathon, Marathon, you don't drive. Why do you need a discount on tolls?
Pen (as Marathon): [overlapping] Why is that okay?
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] Yeah, why is, why are tolls okay? Uh huh.
Pen (as Marathon): Why are they okay? To keep The Big Road going, right?
Kit (as Birdie): No.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): To help with maintenance.
Kit (as Birdie): No. Wrong answers all around. I think, I think we should, I think, you know, uh, Marathon? I think that The Big Road is a really cool idea. I do have to ask, why did you build it like this? Cuz currently, we're like hundreds of miles further north than Incantation is. So if you were trying to connect the coasts, I do think that there was a little bit more of a straight path because there's no mountains in the central of this, like the central area of this. Like you can't, there's nothing to go around. So eventually, you're just gonna be collecting tolls for a big paved road that people are gonna go on just so that they can drive on a paved road. But you're gonna take them hundreds of miles out of their way. Sorry, I have a lot of opinions about this. I need to calm down.
Nick: Yeah, the two guys look pretty uncomfortable at you pointing out that they're very far north of Incantation.
Pen (as Marathon): You sound like a no-roady.
Kit (as Birdie): Marathon! I'm gonna get back in the truck.
Kit: And Birdie will get back in the truck and put on a pair of Cassidy's sunglasses that have smoked lenses.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Do you have a map that shows where you've built and where your plans are?
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Do we?
Cameron (as Emma): Of course you'd wanna map.
Nick: Mr. Smith runs back into the shed and comes back out with a tri-folded, large piece of paper and spreads it.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): If you don't mind, can I, uh, borrow the hood of your vehicle?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Sure.
Pen (as Marathon): Absolutely.
Nick: They spread this large paper map out. And you can see, Cassidy, the general shape of the coasts are vague at best. There aren't a lot of landmarks on this map and there's some straight-up inaccuracies as to where some of the larger towns are notated. But there are three stars scattered across the land east to west. This one appears to be in the central part of the plains, about where you would expect. But this map looks like something that someone drew from memory with no cartography skills.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): See, we've already got three main proofs of concept to get this show on the road, and soon our additional subsidiaries will be building from the coasts. In no time at all, this road will be usable. Of course, that would be thanks to donations of great citizens of the land. It's a project to help all of humanity.
Pen (as Marathon): And a peacekeeping mission.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Yeah, that too.
Pen: Marathon's eyes continue to sparkle. The luster once again there after Birdie's interruption to her internal narrative.
Pen (as Marathon): Can we, can we donate a couple triangles? Do we have any left, -
Cameron (as Emma): No. No.
Pen (as Marathon): - Cassidy?
Cameron (as Emma): No.
Pen: Marathon flutters her eyes.
Cameron (as Emma): No.
Cameron: Emma looks at Cassidy.
Cameron (as Emma): No.
Pen (as Marathon): It's just a few triangles.
Sydney: Cassidy takes in Marathon's pleading face. And then rolls her eyes and reaches in a pocket and pulls out two tiny Allium spheres.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I don't have any triangles, but… Marathon, you want to be the one to do the honors.
Pen (as Marathon): Oh, thank you. Yeah, of course. Oh my god, thank you, thank you. You know, this is gonna be awesome, and you know what? Why don't you...
Pen: And she turns, holding the spheres with both hands, towards Mr. Smith and Mr. Smith.
Pen (as Marathon): Why don't you put down the patina as, as our donation name?
Cameron: Emma shakes her head and turns around and climbs into the rig next to Birdie.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Oh, can do. Mr. Smith, if you will take down...
Pen (as Marathon): P-A-T-I-N-A.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Patina, good to know. Uh, it's always great to partner with another company.
Pen (as Marathon): Yep. Yeah.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I hope you are as successful as you think you will be.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): Extremely successful. Really, uh, we've just had to stop construction for the winter, but with some more funds and staff, we'll be making headway as soon as the spring breaks.
Pen (as Marathon): Oh.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I'm glad to hear it.
Pen (as Marathon): Thanks for the inspiration.
Nick (as Mr. Smith): We'll be connecting The Big Road any year now.
Sydney: Cassidy gives Marathon a couple of pats and a squeeze on the shoulder and then turns to go and get back in the rig.
Pen: Marathon pulls her for a little side hug.
Pen (as Marathon): Thank you, thank you, thank you. When The Big Road's complete, y'all will all be grinning.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I hope we live to see it.
Sydney: And Cassidy climbs in.
Pen: Marathon waves goodbye outside of the rig before pulling up her parka hood and jumping into the back.
Kit (as Birdie): Okay, well, another toll for me to dodge. That's okay.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Honestly, I am happy to get rid of the Allium spheres and they're not gonna be useful to us anytime soon.
Kit (as Birdie): Good point.
Sydney (as Cassidy): And they keep rolling away, but they are money, so...
Pen (as Marathon): Yeah, and I am very thankful that we were able to help out The Big Road.
Kit (as Birdie): Who's we?
Pen (as Marathon): Oh, oh, that brings back so many memories.
Sydney (as Cassidy): If it's actually what they're trying to do and it's not an elaborate way to mildly rob travelers, then it seems like a noble goal.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] Hmm.
Sydney (as Cassidy): [overlapping] And this section of road is nice.
Kit (as Birdie): Well.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Who's to say it wasn't Wildtech that was here before?
Cameron (as Emma): This section of road is going north-south.
Sydney (as Cassidy): So are we.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] That's not where the oceans are.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] I just don't like, I don't like.
Cameron (as Emma): Co- coast to coast, that's, mm, this is a stupid waste of road.
Pen (as Marathon): It's a proof of concept.
Cameron (as Emma): That's going the wrong direction, Marathon.
Kit (as Birdie): And they're gonna charge us!
Pen (as Marathon): Ah, no-roadies.
Cameron (as Emma): I like roads. I live in a city. I don't need a big one in the middle of nowhere.
Kit (as Birdie): Marathon's gonna have to pay the tolls on any roads that we go on now.
Pen (as Marathon): Well, but, we're not, there's not gonna be a toll until it's there, and then it's gonna be a huge cost-saving thing, cuz it's gonna be this big, smooth road from place to place. We won't have to use nearly as much of our fuel, you know? It's...
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, and we'll be dead by the time they finish it. Sorry, Marathon. I'm glad that you'll have.
Pen (as Marathon): Don't say that.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Birdie, you gotta dream big. You gotta imagine that we're benefiting the world in the long term and not just within our lifetimes. You know, the best time to plant a tree is 50 years ago, but the second best time is today.
Pen (as Marathon): God, wow, Cassidy.
Cameron (as Emma): Oh my gosh, Cassidy.
Pen: Marathon starts fanning herself a little bit.
Cameron (as Emma): Y'all stop flirting in the backseat, please.
Sydney (as Cassidy): What would you prefer us do instead, Emma?
Pen (as Marathon): Yeah, I can't, I can't stop.
Cameron (as Emma): Not talk about this fucking road.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Oh, it's the fucking road. That's what the problem is.
Pen (as Marathon): Yep, it was too romantic of a road.
Kit (as Birdie): You know what? I'd prefer that.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay, we'll better get driving. Let's see if it does its job.
Kit (as Birdie): The free fucking road!
Kit: She turns the rig on.
Nick: As you all pull away on The Extremely Comfortable Big Road for at least a little bit longer, you can see Mr. Smith and Mr. Smith waving goodbye excitedly behind you, big smiles on their faces.
Pen (as Marathon): I hope they last the winter.
Nick: The Patina continues its journey, crossing ever westward in pursuit of their next stop. And you come to a deep gorge with a river partially frozen rolling through the bottom. Cassidy, you know from previous travels that there is a bridge nearby that crosses this gorge and saves days of going around. So the Patina turns south and heads to that bridge. But surprisingly, there is a tall figure standing at the foot of the bridge, blocking any passage. And when I say tall, this figure is roughly nine feet tall, wearing a full robe that covers their figure with a hood pulled up covering their face. And they're holding a staff that goes up to their head height. And as you stop the rig and roll down the window, you hear a deep voice rumbling out from that cloak, saying,
Nick (as hooded figure): You shall not pass.
[hurdy gurdy music swells]
Outro:
Welcome back folks, you’re listening to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide with M. Messenger on road dial 1558. That’s all for today’s transmission - we’re set to repeat after the following bulletins. More in-depth info can be found in the show notes.
This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:
Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit can also be found in the Discord, along with her collection of AKoSaP art that grows whenever she’s not facing art block.
Pen Prairie-Larson as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter and Bluesky @ acquiredchaste. Pen is a teacher and indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes the X-Bike Ruleset, a high-risk fantasy sports game from the world of AKoSaP. Check out faer other work at penharper.itch.io.
Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Bluesky @ sydneywhitt.
Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram and TikTok as @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron was also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a fully completed Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick was also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.
This podcast features the sonic stylings of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.
You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
Until you catch us again…
…keep being the bravest you.