The Patina join in on a Foundling family tradition and do a debrief on the masquerade ball.
The Patina join in on a Foundling family tradition and do a debrief on the masquerade ball.
Cast:
- Marathon Messenger is played by Penn Van Batavia. She can be found on Twitter at @acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram at @john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE *IT* OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
- Cassidy Shard is played by Sydney Whittington. She is our wonderful editor. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast. Find her on Twitter at @sydney_whitt.
- Emma Blackwood is played by Cameron Robertson. Find her on Twitter at @midnightmusic13 and on Instagram at @reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
- Birdie Foundling is played by Kit Adames. Find her on Twitter at @venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor and writer on Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
- Our GM and narrator is Nick Robertson. Find him on Twitter at @alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron and can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
Music & Sound Credits:
- This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
- old radio Channel search sound effect by Garuda1982. Link & License.
- Breezy city amb.wav by patchen. Link & License.
- Parking Garage - Metal Door - Slam by soundadvices. Link & License.
- Dorcas Breaks The Surface by Doctor Turtle. Link & License.
- Endearing Curl by Blue Dot Sessions. Link & License.
- Big Water by Sergey Cheremisinov. Link & License.
- Jonah's Message for New York by Doctor Turtle. Link & License.
Art Credits:
- The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @rashedjrs.
Find Us Online:
- Our Website
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A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript
Season 3 Episode 18: First Turning Back
Transcript by Cameron Robertson
Intro:
[hurdy gurdy music begins]
Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –
Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.
Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.
Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.
Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.
Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.
Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:
It is my pleasure to inform you that by listening today, you have been awarded the “Excellent”, “Awesome” and “Amazing” titles to be used at your convenience. Stick them on your nametag, your email signature, your water bottle, or anywhere else you can show them off, and be proud of your achievements as your lessers cower before your podcast listening might.
And if you want to add a little gold star to that title, consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 18: First Turning Back. And so…
“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches
To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”
[hurdy gurdy music ends]
[electronic beeping]
[robotic powerup noise begins]
Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.
[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]
[over radio]
Kit (as Birdie): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, Marathon and I went on a little exploring adventure of the Eaves while Emma and Cassidy did a little bit of recon with some mechanics that Emma had made some friends with to get ready for the upcoming X Biking tournament. And you know, the Eaves are normally pretty safe, just not during Turnings or like a stiff wind. And unfortunately, while Marathon and I were up in the Crow's Nest, a Turning started happening. Marathon fell off of a building, but only a little bit, not a little bit. It was a lot. It was a lot, a bit. And so we went to one of the Stitches, and Marathon met a hot nurse. I'm still trying to figure out what the nature of Tawny Fowler and Marathon's relationship is, but I think it's mostly antagonistic on one side, and at this point, I'm just glad that she's alive, so I'll count my blessings.
[radio static]
Episode Start:
Nick: We see a very full, very happily bustling living room table. It is well aged oak with scratches and spots that have been worn away by time with a cloth runner along one end, and the centerpiece is a platter piled high with several flavors of cookie. The space around this table exudes comfort. It is filled with mismatched furniture, but nothing seems out of place. Everything looks like it would be a welcoming place to sit down and have a conversation, and above the door is a well polished, double barreled shotgun. And around this table we see Cassidy, Marathon, Emma, and Birdie, and joining them we also have Janus and her twin children and Vaus and Nona, who is holding court over this large family assembly and making sure everybody has as many cookies as possible.
Penn: Marathon has a plate stacked with cookies and pulls a cookie up to her face and takes a deep whiff and makes eye contact with Nona.
Penn (as Marathon): Thank you for this blessing, Miss Nona. For what occasion are we sharing these cookies?
Kit: Nona is bustling around again, pulling out another tray of cookies with a folded up dish towel and setting them on the stove. These ones are red velvet with white chocolate chips.
Penn (as Marathon): Mmmm.
Kit (as Nona): Oh, Marathon. I forgot that you didn't know. So every time after a Turning when the little Foundlings were younger, it was a harrowing affair so to make it a little better, I'd have them all up to my place and we'd try and just count our blessings and eat some cookies together - to be grateful that we were all okay and none of us were hurt or anything. So it's a Turnin' tradition.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Unfortunately, that wasn't the case this time.
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah none of us ever fell off any buildings.
Sydney: Cassidy is slowly gnawing on a cookie, pacing herself so that she can have a couple of them without getting overwhelmed with sugar.
Penn (as Marathon): [mumbled through mouthful] These painkillers make the cookies taste so fucking good. Oh, my god.
Kit (as Nona): Mind your manners at the table. Language.
Penn (as Marathon): [slightly choking on a cookie] Sorry. [clears throat] Thank you, Miss, uh, Miss Nona. Thank you -
Kit (as Nona): Well, I'm -
Penn (as Marathon): - ma'am.
Kit (as Nona): I'm sorry to hear that you were injured in the Turnin'. Is - is everything okay now?
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Mi- mi- doc- [focuses] Dr Fowler saw to it.
Kit (as Nona): Fowler?
Penn: Marathon gives a playful blink to Nona.
Kit: Nona's brows furrow in a little bit, and then she grins.
Kit (as Nona): Fowler... Tawny Fowler?
Penn (as Marathon): Yes, ma'am.
Penn: Marathon throws another cookie into her mouth.
Kit: Nona picks up a red velvet cookie, and despite them being hot out of the oven, she takes a bite and is gesturing with her free hand towards a tower that's across from the window she's pointing out of.
Kit (as Nona): Tawny is the grand niece of Merle next door. Would you like an introduction Marathon?
Penn (as Marathon): [gay (and high) panic]
Penn: Marathon quickly swallows a cookie.
Penn (as Marathon): Uh. S-s-sure Ma'am?
Kit (as Nona): Why I thought you were together with Miss Cassidy.
Penn (as Marathon): Uh no I - I am not sure - the label?
Kit: Birdie is giggling.
Sydney: Cassidy's looking at Marathon with an eyebrow raised and her mouth closed.
Penn (as Marathon): No, I was just saying my appreciation for Dr. Fowler as a doctor and a caregiver, but um, and Cassidy and I are still, you know, like, what are labels? Uh,
Cameron (as Emma): [laughing] It doesn't really seem fair to be talking to her like this when she's this high.
Penn (as Marathon): Thank you Miss Emma. Yeah.
Cameron (as Emma): Yep just eat your cookie Marathon. You're fine.
Penn (as Marathon): Cookie-es!
Sydney (as Cassidy): It's not even at high of an altitude, Emma.
Cameron (as Emma): I'm pretty sure -
Penn (as Marathon): [laugh] Classic Cassidy~. That's so funny.
Sydney: Cassidy blinks slowly at Emma and then goes back to eating her cookie. [laugh]
Cameron (as Emma): Marathon is way higher than she fell from.
Penn (as Marathon): Well, Birdie saw how high it was. I don't really remember, but it was fun. Well, not fun, but
Kit (as Birdie): Just remind me never to take you up there again. I almost had a heart attack.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, Cassidy, that's right, we were gonna go - I gotta show you this sick ass spot, that -
Kit (as Nona): Language.
Penn (as Marathon): - sorry Miss Nona, ma'am.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Maybe no climbing high for a little bit, Marathon.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. Let me sit back and enjoy this cookie. CookieS.
Penn: And Marathon slumps back in her chair with her plate full of cookies.
Kit: Nona will return to the table with the red velvet cookies all piled up on a plate and set it down to join the other plates of cookies.
Kit (as Nona): I'm sorry. I know I'm being mean to poor Marathon. She's had a rough week it seems.
Penn (as Marathon): Nah it's great.
Cameron (as Emma): [tired responsible friend sigh]
Kit (as Birdie): Anyways, if you ever wanted - I see Merle all the time, I'll tell her thank you.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, you can mention my name, but you don't have to, but you could.
Kit: Nona side eyes Marathon and then Cassidy and then nods. [laugh]
Sydney: Cassidy gives a shoulder shrug.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean, Marathon makes your own choices.
Penn (as Marathon): No, okay! Okay, this is suddenly getting don't say hi, don't - say Marathon doesn't say hi.
Cameron (as Emma): They're they're being mean, Marathon. Just eat your cookie. It's okay.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, yeah, no, I -
Kit: Birdie has been giggling behind a cookie for the last two minutes.
Penn (as Marathon): I'm just, [panicked breathing] I thought I was just being charming, but
Cameron (as Emma): You're you're very charming. Just take deep breaths and eat your cookie. Okay?
Penn (as Marathon): Thank you Miss Emma.
Cameron (as Emma): Everybody be nice to Marathon. [laugh]
Sydney (as Cassidy): I didn't say she couldn't do it, only that there - she is, in charge of her actions.
Cameron (as Emma): It was heavily implied, Cass. Come on.
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle]
Cameron (as Emma): She's not in a space at the moment where she could resist replying.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Uh huh.
Cameron (as Emma): Thus be nice. Do you want a red velvet cookie, Marathon?
Penn (as Marathon): Aww that would be awesome. Birdie is the rest of your fam- so this is like a family affair?
Cameron (as Janus): Mhm.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a it's a family tradition.
Penn (as Marathon): So like, do we get to see - do I finally get to see this, this - I've met Janus, I've met Winifred, but your - well what's your your other twin siblings name again?
Cameron (as Janus): [overlapping] Juno.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] Juno.
Penn (as Marathon): Juno. Do we get to meet Juno?
Kit (as Birdie): I mean, if Juno decides to ever crawl out of the Guts. sure.
Cameron (as Janus): I'd say you've got about 50/50, chance there.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Cameron (as Janus): It depends on what they're working on at the time and how interesting it is. Sometimes they make it up. Other times they don't.
Kit (as Birdie): Just - it'll happen, eventually.
Cameron (as Janus): Zan, can you not? You do not need to try to keep up with Marathon eating the cookies, okay? She's bigger than you.
Penn (as Marathon): Nah I'll race this little nugget.
Cameron (as Janus): No, do not encourage him. [mom voice] Zan -
Nick (as Zan Cannon): She's not that much bigger than me.
Cameron (as Janus): She's so much bigger than you, Zan.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): No!
Cameron (as Janus): Yes.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Quitter talk.
Penn (as Marathon): You want to get as big as me you gotta eat those cookies.
Cameron (as Janus): [annoyed mom whisper] Marathon.
Nick: Zan grabs two and making angry eye contact with Marathon, crams them both into his cheeks like a chipmunk at the same time and starts to chew furiously.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): [unintelligible child with mouth full] - cookies.
Penn (as Marathon): [chuckle] This little, this little guy, this little -
Cameron (as Janus): If you weren't so high right now, I would punish you by making -
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah yeah.
Cameron (as Janus): - you babysit.
Penn (as Marathon): You know what?
Cameron (as Janus): But that's not safe at the moment.
Penn (as Marathon): Let me, let me, just like, zip up. You know, I'm sorry. Cookie time. [dives into cookies to avoid responsibilities]
Cameron (as Janus): [sigh]
Sydney (as Cassidy): I feel like Marathon's gonna explode if she keeps going at that pace.
Penn (as Marathon): [mumbling through full mouth] This is my last one.
Kit: Lark looks up from her second bite of her sugar cookie at Marathon, and she'll say,
Kit (as Lark Perdita): The chances of you exploding are never zero.
Sydney (as Cassidy): See, even Lark knows.
Cameron (as Janus): What a comforting thought. [sounds like she hears stuff like that a lot]
Nick (as Zan Cannon): [coming up from cookie snarfing] Nope she's - she's right. We, we, we saw someone explode.
Penn (as Marathon): [whisper] What the fuck?
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Yeah, they were, they were, uh, high on whatever, whatever's happening here, that's what they were like, and then their head fell off.
Cameron (as Janus): No, it did not Zan.
Kit (as Lark Perdita): It's called spontaneous human combustion.
Penn (as Marathon): Kid, I know what you're doing, and it's only working a little bit.
Nick: Zan is grinning so big.
Cameron (as Janus): [tired mom exhale]
Kit: Lark looks like the perfect angel that she is, and she's wearing it looks like a doll dress for a child sized person. It's very frilly and lacy. She looks a little bit like a haunted porcelain doll.
Cameron (as Janus): You're not likely to explode, Marathon.
Penn (as Marathon): I -
Cameron (as Janus): You'll probably be fine.
Kit: Vaus will pipe up for the first time at the traditional get together and will grin, while saying
Kit (as Vaus): Probably.
Penn: Marathon - her face has gone a little pale. It was already a pale from her stay with Dr Fowler, but a cookie that she's taken a bite out of, she looks at it with a little bit of fear and then softly sets her plate and the cookie back onto the table and sits with her fingertips together.
Nick: Under the table, out of Marathon's vision, Zan Cannon holds out a fist for a fist bump from Lark.
Cameron: Janus winks at Vaus from across the table. [laughing]
Kit: Lark will look down at Zan's hand and then look back up and say,
Kit (as Lark Perdita): Are you trying to give me something?
Nick (as Zan Cannon): No, it [huff]. Mom, you said that we were gonna have, like, understanding because we're twins.
Cameron (as Janus): You know [laugh], I did think that.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): She doesn't, she doesn't get it.
Cameron (as Janus): No y'all - you're just, you know, you're very different people.
Kit (as Lark Perdita): I refuse to deign to give a fist bump.
Cameron (as Janus): See, she does - she does know what you want, Zan. She just doesn't want to do it for you. [laugh]
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Dad says my radio is broken.
Kit: It's at this moment that Nona gets up to put another batch of cookies into the oven.
Kit (as Nona): Okay, kiddos, which dough are we going with next?
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Rocky Road.
Kit (as Nona): Lark, is that okay with you?
Kit: Lark will take a very small bite of her sugar cookie that she's going to be working on for quite a long time, and will take the question very seriously and then nod.
Kit (as Nona): Speak now or forever hold your peace against Rocky Road. Okay, they're goin' in the oven.
Cameron: Janus holds her arm up for a fist bump with Zan over Lark's head, because they both know rocky road's the best flavor.
Nick: Zan very enthusiastically does a fist bump. He has to slightly get out of his chair to reach.
Kit (as Birdie): Janus did you hear if Winifred is coming?
Cameron (as Janus): Um~, you know, I know she had wanted to talk to everybody, but I don't know - I don't know if she was working or not. I assume they called her in for the Turning, but I don't know.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Cameron (as Janus): So maybe.
Kit (as Birdie): Maybe. Just wanted to see. It's my first Turning back, you know? It's special - [rushing to add] and very unfortunate, of course.
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah especially with Marathon falling off of a building.
Penn (as Marathon): I mean, I got these kick ass drugs so,
Cameron (as Janus): Mhm.
Penn (as Marathon): I'm good for now.
Cameron (as Janus): Totally, totally worth it.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Can I have some?
Cameron (as Janus): Zan no. You have cookies.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): It just sounds so fun and cool.
Cameron (as Janus): You have cookies though.
Penn (as Marathon): No, they, they're awful. I'm going through the demon zone right now kid. You don't want to touch this.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Demon zone sounds sweet!
Cameron (as Janus): Don't describe it in a cool way like that Marathon. [laugh]
Penn (as Marathon): Sorry, I tried.
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah, Zan, I bet you're enjoying your cookies a lot more than Marathon is right now, because sometimes those medicines can mess with your taste buds a little bit, and they make things taste funny.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Oh, that's terrible.
Kit: Lark pipes up again and says
Kit (as Lark Perdita): She's probably not going to remember this at all.
Cameron (as Janus): That is - [laughing] there is a high possibility of that, yes. We'll see though. I'm sure you know, it'll be fine, but just just focus on your cookies, Zan.
Sydney: Cassidy takes another bite of cookie and stands up to look out the window.
Sydney (as Cassidy): So how often do these Turnings happen? Like I was here for six months a few years ago, and there wasn't one.
Kit (as Birdie): Um, there was only uh - Janus help me out here - by the time that I moved in with the Foundlings to when I left, I'd say we had five and that was like seven years.
Cameron (as Janus): Uhm~.
Kit (as Birdie): Somewhere in there, maybe maybe six or seven.
Cameron (as Janus): That's probably about, right.
Kit (as Birdie): It's like, I remember we had one year without one and then we had one year with two.
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah, it varies. There have been three, including this one, since the twins were born.
Kit (as Birdie): Mm. Mhm.
Cameron (as Janus): So that - they've been fairly spread out recently. We haven't had one in a while.
Kit: Nona looks up from where she was crouched next to the oven.
Kit (as Nona): There was one year where we had four. I remember that year.
Cameron (as Janus): In the same year?
Kit (as Nona): Mhm.
Cameron (as Janus): Oh my goodness.
Kit (as Nona): It was far before your time, dear. Before your time.
Sydney (as Cassidy): What is it -?
Cameron (as Janus): Did Sasnak just like go in a circle?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah?
Kit (as Nona): I don't know. I don't - it was a long time ago.
Penn (as Marathon): Does Winifred not get like, advanced warning or something? I thought she that was, like, her job.
Kit (as Birdie): No one really gets advanced warnings.
Cameron (as Janus): Some, sometimes, sometimes they can predict them. But, like, it's not by a lot, like,
Kit (as Birdie): It's maybe-
Cameron (as Janus): - they'll send it out like a few hours, maybe,
Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.
Cameron (as Janus): - beforehand, when they start noticing things go a little bit funky in the computers. But it is not the it's not the normal traveling path for the city. It's - the Turnings are when it just like decides to quickly go a different direction, rather than majestically taking its time, and we don't really know why it does that.
Kit (as Nona): When that Forecasting Bureau that Winifred started working for was getting its roots down, they would send out the alerts a lot more than they needed to, and that was um, it was messy. But I think it's gotten better since people stopped believing them. They they didn't know whether or not one was actually coming when they got an alert. So now it's, it's a bit more finely tuned, but there's a false alarm every once in a while, but still good to be safe for those in, uh, the Eaves.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah. I mean, you just like, go down or because we, I know the Towers are sometimes, I guess the skyline changes.
Sydney: And Cassidy looks out the window at a spot where a few days earlier there had been a Tower.
Kit (as Birdie): Going down doesn't always necessarily help if you're on the outer edges. It's why the Domes that hold all like the the richest people and the Cabinet and all that, they're in the center because, you know, if a Turn happens that they have the smallest amount of surface area to actually turn when you're in the center. So it's like, would you rather hold on to a tower that's upright and might fall, or would you rather go down and get crushed by a tower that might fall.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Seems like good choices.
Cameron (as Janus): There are also, if it's one of the ones where we get enough warning, there are also storm shelters.
Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.
Cameron (as Janus): Stability, very, very solid locations towards the center of the city, around where the Domes are, like in Merchant's Alley, so that there is a a much more uh, assuredly safe place to be, where it's highly unlikely that something falls on you, or the thing that you're on falls. But I mean, obviously not everyone can fit in those so. The Guts are normally safe.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Cameron (as Janus): Unless it pisses off the octopuses.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Cameron (as Janus): Or it breaks a pipe. It sometimes breaks pipes, and that's pretty gross.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah. I mean, we were doing a job once, and a Turning happened in a Dome. So the Domes aren't necessarily safe either, because most of them are glass and stuff, so
Cameron (as Janus): They're designed to be aesthetically pleasing, not necessarily smart.
Kit (as Birdie): They're designed to keep plants alive and stuff, but, you know, it's, it's, uh, it's like a tornado or a blizzard or a hurricane, you know, it's just like stuff to deal with in the place that you live,
Penn (as Marathon): That sucks.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, I'm, I'm sure that everyone here would -
Sydney (as Cassidy): They can't just like, build more shelters or something?
Kit (as Birdie): Well, there are -
Cameron (as Janus): That requires money and doing things for others, and not real big on that here, Cassidy.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Of course, not.
Cameron (as Janus): Some of us are - the people with the money aren't so into that.
Sydney: Cassidy eats the rest of the cookie that had been freely offered to her by Nona.
Kit (as Birdie): And if they did build more shelters, the ones for citizens, always get built first, so
Cameron (as Emma): Does something always fall down during a Turning?
Kit (as Birdie): You know, Towers are actually pretty reliable in terms of not falling down. Because you know when things fall down, you usually learn from that and what made them fall down, so you learn how to build them better. But we did have that one Turning where there were some things in the Towers that didn't necessarily fall, but they shot out of the place. I don't know how to say this in normal words, but it's like, since the Foundling's house is pretty rectangular, and the hole that it was it was fitted into is also rectangular, it kind of was like physics happened, and when the Turning happened, the Tower moved without the house in some places. So a lot of times, Towers won't necessarily come down anymore, but the things in the Towers will slip out. Does that make sense? Am I making sense?
Nick (as Zan Cannon): No!
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah. I think it - I guess it's not, not so much that you have a full structural failure of an entire Tower, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't shift a bit.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Cameron (as Emma): Because it is, you are still putting it under a lot of stress.
Kit (as Birdie): Mhm. The Towers are the things that are the most liable to fall. Nothing else in Sasnak really falls necessarily.
Penn (as Marathon): Damn those Towers.
Cameron (as Janus): Except for people
Kit (as Birdie): Marathon, I'm gonna put you in a thing of bubble wrap.
Penn (as Marathon): I would choke or suffocate.
Sydney (as Cassidy): It would stop you from exploding.
Cameron (as Emma): She brings up a valid point.
Kit (as Birdie): I'll leave out your head.
Penn (as Marathon): Hmm, isn't that what I just injured? Checkmate Birdie Foundling.
Kit (as Birdie): Eat your cookie.
Penn (as Marathon): I don't want to explode.
Penn: And Marathon lifts her hands, which are still attached at the fingertips, looking almost like she is a very thoughtful villain.
Cameron (as Emma): You're, you're not going to explode Marathon.
Penn (as Marathon): Exactly, because I'm not going to eat the cookie. You can't trick me this time.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay if, if you, if you keep eating cookies, you're not going to explode in the spontaneous combustion way. You're going to explode because you ate too many cookies, and you're gonna make yourself sick.
Penn (as Marathon): Well, I won't make myself sick. Easy peasy.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Now, mom, she already said she doesn't want to eat the cookies, so that I'll eat the cookies because I am a civil- I am a good citizen!
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah let this lil' youngin eat all my cookies. Watch him explode.
Cameron (as Janus): Zan, do you not want to wait for the rocky road cookies to come out? You want to eat all of Marathon's right now?
Nick (as Zan Cannon): I'll eat both.
Cameron (as Janus): Mmm.
Penn (as Marathon): You could do it kid.
Cameron (as Janus): Will you be able to you?
Nick (as Zan Cannon): You underestimate my power.
Cameron (as Janus): You're gonna give yourself a tummy ache, and Lark is gonna laugh at you.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): That's a problem for a future Zan.
Cameron (as Janus): Mkay. [soft laugh]
Sydney: There's a heavy metal door sound shutting from the floor below, and then steps come up to the door, and Cassidy opens it, seeing Winifred on the other side.
Sydney (as Winifred): I forgot we were up here. Hello.
Kit (as Birdie): Winifred!
Cameron (as Janus): Hi, Winifred.
Cameron (as Emma): Hello.
Sydney (as Winifred): It's been a long time since I've been to one of these.
Kit: Nona is up out of her seat, marching over to Winifred and pulling her into an absolutely rib crushing hug with a couple of firm pats on the back, and saying,
Kit (as Nona): I have a bone to pick with you about the fact that you haven't come to one in what is it now? Two years?
Sydney (as Winifred): I'll take two years. Sure.
Cameron (as Janus): Mmm. Pretty sure it was like three.
Kit (as Nona): Thank you, Janus. I know I can always trust you.
Cameron: It was definitely longer than three years. [laughing] Janus is just trying to poke at Winifred slightly, but not entirely piss her off.
Sydney (as Winifred): Well, I couldn't resist coming to see you, Nana.
Kit (as Nona): Good. You owe me. Go sit down. We have more uh, we have rocky roads in the oven right now.
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh perfect.
Sydney: And Winifred sits down in the chair that had been Cassidy's and immediately grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it.
Sydney (as Winifred): These are great.
Kit (as Birdie): Looks like Cassidy's gonna have to sit with Marathon.
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh, no, I can sit with Marathon.
Penn (as Marathon): No! I've gotten in enough enough guff today.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, so -
Penn (as Marathon): Sorry, Miss Winifred, you are very, very beautiful and while that would be amazing, I would rather sit with Miss Cassidy when she returns.
Kit (as Birdie): Marathon's really concussed right now.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah Marathon fell off a building.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah Marathon's really high.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh,
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, so um
Penn (as Marathon): It's a manageable amount.
Cameron (as Emma): So we're being, we're being nice to Marathon right now.
Sydney (as Winifred): Okay, yeah, I'm seeing.
Cameron (as Emma): And trying not to cause her too much mental anguish. [laugh]
Sydney (as Winifred): Okay.
Penn (as Marathon): I'm sorry if, my, if, my, if that was a violent response to your graceful presence and flirting.
Cameron (as Emma): [laugh] She's having a rough day.
Sydney: Winifred gives Marathon a bright smile and a wink and then takes another bite of her cookie.
Kit: Lark will wave from her side of the table and will say,
Kit (as Lark Perdita): Hi Auntie Winifred.
Sydney (as Winifred): Hello, Lark.
Kit (as Lark Perdita): I like your hair.
Sydney (as Winifred): Thank you. I like your hair.
Kit: And Lark will start fidgeting with one of her braids in little smile.
Sydney (as Winifred): Cassidy has braids a lot like that.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah and they're fucking epic!
Sydney (as Winifred): Marathon.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Fucking epic!
Cameron (as Janus): [tired mom] Zan.
Penn (as Marathon): Sorry. Uh
Kit (as Nona): Language.
Penn (as Marathon): Flippin. They're flipping cool.
Kit (as Nona): Thank you.
Penn (as Marathon): They're flipping cool.
Sydney: Cassidy gives a head flip and makes her braids bounce.
Penn (as Marathon): I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but we were discussing, did uh, you or the Forecasting Bureau see this coming at all, Winifred? This Turning, I mean.
Sydney: Winifred sighs.
Sydney (as Winifred): We had like 10 minutes warning. Not enough to do a lot about it. There's a long way still to go.
Penn (as Marathon): Did y'all like learn something from this one? Do you get like data that you can use, or is it still kind of all a mystery?
Sydney (as Winifred): I mean, the more people listening, the more we see and hear, but you have to gather enough data to know where to gather more data to know what matters, and then when something happens in a way that's different, then you take more notes and add more things to your models.
Kit (as Birdie): Was there an announcement that went out for this one?
Sydney (as Winifred): Everything was still being double checked by the time that the Turning happened, so - somewhere between five false positives and having false negatives is probably what you want,
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney (as Winifred): But we gotta get there.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney: Winifred takes another cookie and you can see that she looks like she's had a long day.
Kit (as Birdie): Um, I was gonna say, um, Winifred, I don't want to pull you away from cookies, but maybe we could make some coffee downstairs and and talk about everything, if you wanted.
Sydney (as Winifred): Sure, that's part of why I'm here.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah,
Nick (as Zan Cannon): I want coffee.
Cameron (as Janus): No, you don't.
Kit: Nona, at this point, pulls out the sheet of rocky road cookies.
Kit (as Nona): Well, Zan, I'm gonna need some help finishing these up up here.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): I no longer want coffee.
Cameron (as Janus): What~?
Kit (as Nona): And Lark if you want to stay up here, we can get out some um - oh, you want to play rummy cube?
Penn (as Marathon): Rummy cube?
Kit: And Lark immediately lights up, and will go to the cabinet where the board games are and start setting up for her and Nona, and then Nona will give her a look, and Lark will start setting out a third person so that Zan can play too.
Sydney: Winifred grabs a napkin and gingerly wraps up one of the rocky road cookies to protect her hands, but also she will not miss this opportunity.
Kit (as Nona): Yeah, take as many as you need Winifred. I expect to see you soon.
Sydney (as Winifred): Of course, Nona.
Kit (as Nona): Okay.
Sydney (as Winifred): I never miss an opportunity to come talk to you.
Kit (as Nona): Mhm.
Cameron (as Janus): I thought we were just talking about how you had missed some opportunities to come and talk to her.
Sydney (as Winifred): No, those weren't opportunities. They didn't even - I wasn't in the area.
Cameron (as Janus): Mmm.
Kit (as Nona): What's done is done. The past is past. I expect you at every family dinner, unless you notify us that you cannot be there.
Sydney (as Winifred): Yes, Nona.
Kit (as Nona): Good. Zan, please take the third one out of your mouth.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): [cookie mumbling][removes cookie] I needed to prove to myself that I could do it.
Sydney: Cassidy opens the door to be the first one to lead people down. Her social battery is looking a little spent already.
Cameron: Emma grabs a few cookies on a napkin and follows Cassidy out the door.
Penn (as Marathon): Is that -
Sydney (as Cassidy): Thanks, Nona!
Cameron (as Emma): Thank you, Nona.
Penn (as Marathon): Should I be leaving?
Sydney (as Winifred): Do what your heart tells you, Marathon.
Cameron (as Janus): Do you want some help, Marathon?
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah.
Cameron (as Janus): Okay, come on. Let's, let's stand up.
Penn (as Marathon): [spaced out noise]
Cameron (as Janus): Let's stand up.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, no, I'm I'm solid. I can stand up by myself.
Penn: And Marathon stands up, and the chair scoots very suddenly and falls down behind her.
Penn (as Marathon): Dirt. Okay, well, I will get some fresh air. I will see you.
Penn: And Marathon gives a little silly salute.
Penn (as Marathon): Enjoy family time.
Sydney (as Winifred): Don't trip on those stairs.
Penn: Is giving finger guns as she backs away to the door. After it closes, you can hear a little bit of thumping.
Cameron (as Janus): Okay, so she forgot that we're coming too. That's fine.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, that's okay. Are you gonna come down?
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): You both?
Kit: And she'll look to Vaus. Vaus will shrug and then pick up another cookie, and will signal that they're going to round out the game of rummy cube so that it has four players and will pat Janus on the shoulder as they pass.
Cameron (as Janus): [quietly to elder Foundlings] Please, please, please, try to help make sure my children don't kill Nona.
Kit: They give a thumbs up.
Cameron (as Janus): Thank you.
Sydney (as Winifred): [quietly to elder Foundlings] Nona's a lot harder than that to kill.
Sydney: As Winifred makes her way towards the door.
Cameron (as Janus): [just to Winifred] I don't know. Zan's a X Factor. I can't predict it. [to room] Zan, Lark - listen to Nona and Vaus, okay? I'll be back in a little bit.
Kit (as Lark Perdita): Okay. Bye Auntie Winifred.
Cameron (as Janus): Zan, acknowledge.
Sydney (as Winifred): Bye Lark.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): [overlapping] Fine.
Sydney (as Winifred): [overlapping] Don't get up into too much trouble.
Cameron (as Janus): Thank you Zan.
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Okay, Aunt Winifred. Have a good time drinking coffee or whatever.
Sydney (as Winifred): Thank you, Zan.
Nick: As y'all leave and are swinging the door shut, you hear:
Nick (as Zan Cannon): Nona? Where do babies come from?
Kit: And for the first time, anyone in a 20 foot radius can hear Vaus laugh so hard. They have a snort laugh.
Sydney: As the crowd trails into the bottom shipping container, Cassidy has designated herself as coffee mistress so that she does not need to interact quite yet, and starts setting up the mocha pot on the stove to start the batch of caffeination.
Cameron (as Emma): All right, Marathon. We're gonna lower carefully into the seat.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh into the seat? Not - I can't sleep. Or
Cameron (as Emma): If you want to lay down on the couch, you can do that too.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, that sounds good.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay, all right, let's, let's help you down here.
Sydney (as Cassidy): We can catch her up later if we need to.
Cameron (as Emma): Hmm?
Sydney (as Cassidy): If she's not in shape enough to -
Penn (as Marathon): Nah, nah. Oh. Is this an important meeting?
Penn: Marathon, does the steeple with her fingers again.
Penn (as Marathon): Because I can engage intellect mode. So
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, she's totally with it.
Kit (as Birdie): [laugh] Out of demon mode, into intellect mode.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Wow.
Cameron (as Emma): Why don't we - we can go ahead and lay you down on the couch Marathon, and then if you just happen to pass out, we'll let you know what you missed.
Kit (as Birdie): I'm gonna draw a dick on your face if you pass out.
Cameron (as Emma): I'm not gonna let Birdie draw a dick on you -
Penn (as Marathon): Damn.
Cameron (as Emma): - if you pass out.
Sydney (as Winifred): [overlapping] [muffled] I just want to experience Marathon's demon mode.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] Unless you want her to?
Penn (as Marathon): [overlapping] That would be really funny.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay I'll let her if you want me to.
Penn (as Marathon): No, you shouldn't. But it would be kinda fun.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay.
Penn (as Marathon): No, um, I just, you know, I just want to apologize for the state I'm in post injury, so - but I will heal up and I'll be so much smarter. So no worries, you guys.
Kit (as Birdie): Aww.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, that's how concussions work.
Penn (as Marathon): Well, have you had a concussion Miss Cassidy?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Marathon how many times have I gotten shot? You think I haven't hitten my head more than once?
Penn (as Marathon): And you're so smart, so I think it'll work. Okay.
Cameron (as Emma): There you go. Obviously, those two things go hand in hand, Cassidy.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] Winifred -
Sydney (as Cassidy): [overlapping] I guess.
Kit (as Birdie): [voice just keeps getting higher through this whole thing] - what did you say Winifred a couple seconds ago? Did you just - did you just?
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh, I want to experience Marathon's demon mode.
Cameron (as Emma): Oh, gosh. No.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh God, I wish I didn't ask.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeesh.
Kit (as Birdie): That was horrible!
Kit: And Birdie will scamper back over to the coffee.
Kit (as Birdie): Just tell us about the work you did. I don't - [disturbed sister noises]
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh, what?
Cameron: Emma grabs Marathon's hands and lowers her down onto the couch. [laughing]
Penn (as Marathon): Thank you, Emma. You're so kind and such a great caregiver.
Cameron (as Emma): You're welcome, Marathon.
Kit (as Birdie): I'm a great caregiver too.
Penn (as Marathon): Did you know that sometimes I do think you're actually stronger than me, but don't tell anybody.
Kit (as Birdie): [laughing]
Cameron (as Emma): I will - I swear I will tell no one. [laughing]
Penn (as Marathon): Okay.
Penn: And Marathon lays down.
Sydney: Winifred pulls up a chair at the table.
Sydney (as Winifred): I have gathered you all here today,
Cameron (as Janus): Oh my gosh.
Sydney (as Winifred): - to discuss the results of our previous job.
Kit (as Birdie): Okay.
Sydney (as Winifred): We successfully planted a listening device. Good work Janus.
Cameron (as Janus): Thank you.
Sydney (as Winifred): All right, that's it. Good meeting everyone.
Cameron (as Janus): Oh my gosh.
Nick: At this point you hear rapid footsteps coming up the stairs outside and heavy panting. And for longer than you would think, there is a long pause outside the door, and then the door bursts open, and you see Juno standing there, having quickly rearranged his jumpsuit and lab coat, and then he walks into the room. He is sweating and clearly still out of breath, even having tried to collect himself, says,
Nick (as Juno): Sorry I I was busy down in the Guts, but I thought maybe I should be involved in the discussion post heist.
Kit (as Birdie): Well,
Penn (as Marathon): Almost sounds like post haste.
Nick (as Juno): Yeah, it was really good. I'm really smart and funny.
Cameron (as Janus): You didn't come for cookies.
Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah, Nona's gonna be mad.
Nick (as Juno): I -
Nick: And Juno stops, turns on a dime and runs out of the room, and you hear him pelting up the stairs, and from a distance, you hear
Nick (as Juno): Nona! I - yeah, it's great to see you. I know it's been a little while. Cookie please. Thank you. I promise I will come back and visit. Very important business, important meeting. Gotta go.
Nick: And then there are more footsteps pelting back downstairs, and you see cookies bristling out of one of the lab coat pockets as Juno walks back in and says,
Nick (as Juno): Like I said, we have a lot to discuss, I'm sure, and I would like to be involved.
Kit (as Birdie): For my my Patina friends, this is Juno. Juno, can you say hi to my friends please? Please?
Nick (as Juno): No.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, okay, cool. Never mind then. That was joke. Say hi.
Nick: Juno gets a big, dumb smile on his face.
Sydney: Cassidy looks at Birdie.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Thanks for the introduction.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney: And gives a thumbs up, and then looks back to the coffee that's about to start boiling.
Nick (as Juno): Sorry I just - [recenters] Sometimes I struggle with social situations. Hi, I'm Juno. I am that one's twin brother.
Nick: And Juno points at Janus.
Cameron: Janus does a wave.
Nick (as Juno): I am an inventor, a very important member of society, and a, I don't know, some people would call me a revolutionary, but I feel like that's a bit reductive.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] I feel like-
Cameron (as Janus): [overlapping] Ooh are we doing two truths and a lie?
Kit (as Birdie): Mm. Mmnm.
Nick (as Juno): That hurts my feelings.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, and I'm a citizen of Sasnak.
Cameron (as Janus): You know what hurts my feelings, Juno?
Nick (as Juno): No.
Cameron (as Janus): When my twin, the person who I'm supposed to be able to rely on the most in the entire world, gets me trapped in a fucking vent because -
Nick (as Juno): What?
Cameron (as Janus): - they make the lasers come back on.
Sydney (as Winifred): You put a timer in the box, Juno.
Nick (as Juno): Oh, yeah. You can't keep you can't just leave something running like that indefinitely. It'll sap the power supply and probably set off alarms.
Cameron (as Janus): I didn't need it indefinitely. I needed it long enough to get through the like 10 meters or so, do the thing for Winifred, and then climb back and then detach it.
Nick: When Janus said 10 meters or so, Juno put a finger up and opened his mouth to speak and then when Janus kept going, Juno put the finger down and goes,
Nick (as Juno): Oh. I factored in the first part.
Cameron (as Janus): It started beeping immediately when I plugged it in, Juno.
Nick (as Juno): No that can't be right.
Cameron (as Janus): The lasers, the lasers went down, and then it started beeping like a bomb.
Nick (as Juno): Huh.
Cameron (as Janus): Huh!
Nick (as Juno): Yeah, that the sound, a sound alarm for easy, intuitive understanding of how long you have. I thought it was a great design.
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah but so the thing is, is that I - we used the vents to get into this room so that I wasn't seen going into this room. Okay? So we accomplished that, along with that means I do not want to be seen exiting this room and you turned the lasers back on, and I only had one device, so there was no way to turn the lasers back off.
Nick (as Juno): Hmmmm.
Cameron (as Janus): Hmmmmmmm. Do you see the problem?
Nick (as Juno): I think we may need to go back to the ideation stage of that design.
Sydney (as Winifred): Maybe if you just didn't put a timer in it.
Nick (as Juno): Yeah, um, I was kind of trying to make it idiot proof, but I think I may have un idiot proofed myself. Uh, sorry. This is new for me, like, normally I would keep arguing, but sorry. But hey! No, because you could do that Glitch thing. So like
Cameron (as Janus): Which you told me not to do.
Nick (as Juno): Well, yeah, but you're here, so -
Cameron (as Janus): Mhm.
Nick (as Juno): - it worked.
Cameron (as Janus): And I and I did Glitch and Winifred, Winifred -
Nick (as Juno): No I told you not to do that.
Cameron (as Janus): Juno.
Sydney: Cassidy is looking up from the stove with a furrow in her eyebrows.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Glitch?
Nick (as Juno): I assumed,
Cameron: Janus holds up a finger as if she's going to explain, and then turns to Winifred and said,
Cameron (as Janus): Use your science words.
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh my science words?
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah. I'm going to call it, I can teleport, but I feel like you're going to disagree with that. So I was just going to let you talk.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Teleport?
Sydney: Cassidy blinks and then has to look back to the stove to be able to take the pot off at the right time. Winifred takes a deep breath and blows it out. The energy that Juno brings to the table is not something that she was necessarily expecting.
Sydney (as Winifred): So the -
Sydney: She waggles her head back and forth and takes a bite of cookie to give herself time to phrase it in layperson's terms,
Kit (as Birdie): She go in computer world.
Sydney (as Winifred): So in the capabilities of whoever built Sasnak many years ago, within the city they have something that they had used for matter transference, probably to move at least goods, maybe people, between different parts of the city. It turns out that that still mostly works if you know what you're doing. The mostly part is, what makes that not a great idea.
Sydney (as Cassidy): So you, like, what hit a couple of buttons and then appear somewhere else, like that seems convenient.
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah.
Sydney (as Winifred): Well...
Cameron (as Janus): Basically, but it's - there's a there's a lot more around, like, the specifics of making sure you end up where you want, and making sure you end up like, you re-pixelize on the ground, and not, like, 20 feet up in the air and like, there's just a lot of variables.
Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah, the more electronics that are around, the more accurate you can be, but the more things you have to consider. If you're down in the Guts, you have to do less math, but you have a lot more unconstrained variables.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay, so you have a way to get out of things sometimes, as needed?
Cameron (as Janus): Mhm. It worked in this instance because layout wise for the room that I ended up in, it wasn't super far away from the room that I started out with, with Winifred. I just had to take, like, a little long looping path through the vents to get there. It's it is much more reliable over short distances.
Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah, if you go more than, I don't know, 50-60 feet, there are many bad ways you could be reassembled.
Cameron (as Janus): There's also just some, like, weird ways, like, I've had clothing items like, change colors.
Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah.
Cameron (as Janus): Like, it's, it's weird.
Kit (as Birdie): It gave you that really nice haircut.
Cameron (as Janus): You know, it did, but not planned.
Nick: Juno is munching on some cookies and says,
Nick (as Juno): Look, they're talking about all the cool science and everything, and they mentioned that there's a risk. But my nine toed sister seems to be forgetting exactly how scary this process can be. So I would prefer we didn't add that to our list of assets.
Cameron (as Janus): Okay well then maybe don't trap me in a room in a place full of really rich people that we're trying to sneak around.
Nick: Juno does prayer hands and then leans forward towards Janus and says
Nick (as Juno): Your feedback is noted, and we will include that in version two.
Cameron (as Janus): Thank you.
Nick (as Juno): So anyway, now we know not to put a timer on laser things. What are we talking about? What's next?
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh, I already gave the briefing. We're done. We finished the other mission.
Nick (as Juno): That's interesting, because everybody's still standing here and their facial expressions say they were hoping for more information. And I seem to have heard through the grapevine Winifred, that you've been doing quite a bit of diving into Sasnak systems lately. I would love to know a little more about that.
Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah where'd you hear that?
Nick (as Juno): Oh, a little octopus told me.
Nick: And he smiles real big.
Kit (as Birdie): [shudder noise]
Sydney: Cassidy starts taking drink orders because this is approximately espresso, and starts passing out drinks according to people's desires.
Sydney (as Winifred): [challenging] I don't think I know your octopus, Juno.
Nick (as Juno): Look Winifred, I know me and you don't talk that much anymore. I've been off doing my own thing, and I know what it looks like with some of these contracts that I've taken. But we're, we're family. You can trust me. I would never do anything to put you all in danger, and I actually want to help.
Cameron (as Janus): [said through clenched teeth] Except trap me in a vent.
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle]
Nick (as Juno): Okay, that that's like, that's like, classic shenanigans like that reminds me of back in the day. So I'm sorry that happened. It's a lot scarier now that we're adults. But that wasn't on purpose.
Kit (as Birdie): The stakes were a bit higher then.
Nick (as Juno): Yeah, yeah, uh, I'll be more detailed in the future. But tell you what - if you don't want my help, if you don't want me to help with whatever you're doing, offer my knowledge and resources - I'll leave. I'll leave right now. I'll go hang out with the kids and Nona, but I feel like you're gonna end up needing me at some point. But that's your call. I can't make you let me help you.
Cameron: Janus looks to Birdie to make the call.
Sydney: Winifred takes a sip of her espresso and looks to Birdie, because her relationship has not been repaired overnight, and she knows what Juno brings, both good and bad.
Kit: Birdie looks up from her coffee and seems to only just now notice that everyone's looking at her.
Kit (as Birdie): Uh - oh, oh, um, Juno you know that I don't like the work you do. I'm kind of mad at you about it, because I didn't know until just like, a couple weeks ago.
Nick (as Juno): I don't really know how to convince you otherwise. Um, there's some stuff I'm not ready to talk about yet, but could you believe that I'm doing it for a good reason, and I have a plan?
Kit (as Birdie): Is it's one of your plans?
Nick (as Juno): Sure, I've been working around the domes and upgrading them, but I've been around I've been learning a lot of stuff.
Kit (as Birdie): [sigh] You and your plans.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I don't suppose we're gonna like land in conflict because you're working for Dome people that aren't Opal.
Kit (as Birdie): Or Wander.
Nick (as Juno): Oh no, all the Dome people fuc- all the Dome people frickin - they love me like Ramp Girls love bribes.
Kit (as Birdie): And what about Wander?
Nick (as Juno): What about him?
Kit (as Birdie): I don't know.
Sydney (as Winifred): [sharply] What about him?
Nick (as Juno): Are we worried about Wander?
Kit: Birdie suddenly realizes that she may not have told Winifred and Janus about the fact that she made a deal with Wander.
Nick (as Juno): I try not to work with the guy. He's fucking terrifying.
Kit (as Birdie): No!
Cameron (as Janus): He was dead for a minute there.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, he was.
Nick (as Juno): That's what they keep saying. But that, I don't think that's real. I think that's just rumor mill stuff. That's not very believable.
Cameron (as Emma): Both Opal and the First Sword said that Wander was dead.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): Anyways, enough about Wander.
Cameron (as Emma): I feel like, I feel like Gwendolyn wouldn't lie - about that, at least.
Kit (as Birdie): Mhm. Nothing about Wander. Nothing. Anyways - [sigh] look, just stay, okay? Please.
Nick: Juno gets a big dopey smile on his face, and he scratches at his buzz cut that's growing in unevenly.
Nick (as Juno): If you want me to put earmuffs on at any point, I will. That's okay.
Nick: And he slouches into a chair and chin hands on the table to look at Winifred. And then when there's a long pause while they make eye contact, he does a little go on gesture with one hand and goes back to chin hands.
Kit: Birdie looks at Winifred with a helpless glance of what do you expect me to do?
Sydney: Winifred chews on the inside of her lip.
Sydney (as Winifred): So with great Juno's help, we planted a connection relay into the network around Councilor Opal's properties.
Kit (as Birdie): Kay.
Sydney (as Winifred): And through that, I have -
Sydney: She looks like she's thinking very hard about what she's saying, and basically makes a gesture per word.
Sydney (as Winifred): - through the power of talking to Juno's octopus friends, the piece of hardware that we were looking for to solve your pre-existing problem - I know what it is. I unfortunately don't know where it is, but I know what it is.
Sydney: And Winifred points on the wall to one of the pieces of X Bike memorabilia hanging up that would have been one of Zan's contributions to the living area's decor.
Sydney (as Winifred): It turns out that we need the X bike trophy. It's convenient that you all have been chosen to be Opal's X Bike champions.
Kit (as Birdie): Cassidy, remind me to start on those lessons with you.
Sydney: Cassidy has leaned against the wall out of the circle. She's sipping an americano that she made herself.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, I've been down at the track starting to practice, but yeah, if we have to win and not just do well, that's, I mean, that's a different bar.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Cameron (as Emma): I got your really good bike.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah. I mean, I've, I've -
Cameron (as Emma): I realize the driving is the important part there, but you have a very good machine to work with as well.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah I mean, like, we're about as set up, I guess, as well as we could be.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Given that I haven't X Biked before, like I've I'm putting in the work. But so you're saying the thing, it's not in Opal's hands? We, like we went through all of setting that up to be able to figure out where it was or get access, and now it - did it just not matter? Or
Sydney (as Winifred): I think it moved. If what I was seeing was the trophy and the season was starting, and so it got put away in escrow or whatever, to be given to the next champion. I mean, it was probably sitting on a plinth or something with a empty beer can from Carbon, but we managed to just not be, to not have the right timing. This intrusion was meaningful. It gave a lot of information. It just didn't - it was the first step.
Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.
Nick (as Juno): So the trophy for X Bike is going to help you do something cool? It's going to help them do something cool? Like, why are we? Why?
Sydney (as Winifred): Birdie asked.
Kit (as Birdie): Guilty. [uncomfortable laugh]
Nick (as Juno): Okay, close enough for me.
Kit (as Birdie): Thank you guys. You know I appreciate it.
Sydney (as Winifred): Well you have been dead for a long time.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, I do wish the circumstances were a little different, though, than 'Hey, I'm not dead. Come help me with this thing'.
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah, but I like you coming back to life a lot better than I like Wander coming back to life. So
Kit (as Birdie): Awww.
Nick (as Juno): That's a rumor. Those Domers are always making stuff up.
Cameron (as Janus): No, he's definitely alive, Juno. I saw him.
Nick (as Juno): No, the whole he died thing like they're just trying to build some sort of mystique. He's probably working with Opal.
Cameron (as Janus): Why - why-?
Kit (as Birdie): He's not. Oh I wouldn't know that.
Nick (as Juno): Oh okay.
Cameron (as Janus): That's not suspicious at all, Birdie.
Kit (as Birdie): No...
Nick (as Juno): Uh huh.
Sydney: Winifred squints at Birdie.
Nick: Juno also squints at Birdie identically.
Cameron: Janus gives a matching look at Birdie.
Sydney: Cassidy gives an eyebrows raised look at Birdie of 'a choice is yet to be made', and sips her coffee.
Cameron: Emma takes a bite of cookie and studiously avoids looking at anyone.
Kit (as Birdie): [sputtering] Um - [very rushed] I made a deal with Wander and now we're double agenting between Opal and Wander.
Sydney (as Winifred): What?
Cameron (as Janus): I'm sorry I thought I heard you say that you made a deal with Wander, and you're gonna be a double agent now for Opal and Wander, and then it just kind of wandered off into mumbles.
Kit: Birdie is gonna start chugging her coffee.
Nick (as Juno): Oh, fuck yeah. No, that's dope as hell. I'm on board.
Kit (as Birdie): [laughing] Oh, God, if Juno's on board, then I must be messing up.
Nick (as Juno): Hey!
Sydney (as Winifred): So you're, you're, you're doing what for Wander?
Kit (as Birdie): Ah, just a little double agenting.
Sydney (as Winifred): Hmm.
Kit (as Birdie): Just a little.
Sydney (as Winifred): I mean if our goal is the trophy, then I guess you can have whatever relationship you want to with Opal.
Kit (as Birdie): I mean -
Penn (as Marathon): [high and totally fully awake] Even a kissy relationship?
Kit (as Birdie): Marathon!
Cameron (as Emma): [laugh] No Marathon.
Sydney (as Winifred): I mean, if Opal is your type.
Nick (as Juno): Did that couch just talk?
Kit: Birdie will pick up a soft washcloth from the side of the sink and throw it at Marathon.
Penn: By the time the washcloth hits Marathon, there's already a snore.
Kit (as Birdie): Damn it.
Sydney (as Winifred): I guess congrats on -
Cameron (as Janus): The couch didn't talk, Juno. That is Marathon.
Nick (as Juno): Oh, okay.
Cameron (as Janus): She fell off a building recently, so she's a little high right now.
Nick (as Juno): Ah, yeah, that tracks.
Sydney (as Winifred): I mean, you're you're free to make your own choices. You're in society now, congrats.
Kit (as Birdie): It's just sometimes it's better to play all the sides if you can't trust any of the sides, right? Right? Back me up here.
Nick: Juno puts his finger on the side of his nose and nods knowingly at Birdie.
Kit (as Birdie): This doesn't mean I support you working for the Domes.
Nick (as Juno): All right, well.
Kit (as Birdie): Mmm. Now you know.
Cameron (as Janus): So I'm assuming you signed a contract with Opal.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, yeah, with Opal we did. Not with Wander yet.
Cameron (as Janus): Okay.
Kit (as Birdie): Probably go and do that -
Cameron (as Emma): She has a weird amount of butlers.
Kit (as Birdie): She does! And all of them are, like, so sad and droopy.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, it was weird.
Nick (as Juno): You know, I tried that job for a little while.
Kit (as Birdie): [surprised laugh] You did?
Nick (as Juno): I was a butler for like, four days, yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh my god, I would have paid to see that.
Sydney (as Winifred): Where you were also sad and droopy?
Nick (as Juno): There's a training on air quotes, "proper Butler demeanor." It's wild.
Kit (as Birdie): They taught you how to be sad and droopy?
Nick (as Juno): Yeah, pretty much. You should see those guys after work, though they - Oh, man, they, they cut loose.
Kit (as Birdie): They - ohhh.
Cameron (as Emma): I can't imagine that occurring.
Nick (as Juno): I couldn't either. It was pretty transcendent.
Cameron (as Emma): I'll take your word for it. I don't, I don't think, I don't think those people have ever smiled. [laugh]
Kit (as Birdie): [laugh]
Nick (as Juno): Well, you know, sometimes things -
Cameron (as Emma): They didn't seem unhappy in their job, but they definitely didn't seem happy. The lawyer might have seemed a little unhappy in his job.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Nick (as Juno): Oh yeah, that guy, yeah. I feel bad for him, but yep, sometimes things aren't exactly as they appear. And you know, sometimes everything ends up kind of cleaning itself up, like my device did.
Kit (as Birdie): Mm hmm.
Nick (as Juno): Kind of takes care of everything.
Cameron: Janus' head tilts.
Sydney (as Cassidy): When you say your device cleaned itself up, would that be related to why we had to leave the event with a fire alarm?
Nick (as Juno): To why nobody had time to investigate any security breaches and you were able to leave with a large crowd? I don't know. Maybe.
Sydney (as Winifred): I mean, if we did our jobs right, they wouldn't have noticed in the first place. Besides, there was a large crowd already because Emma was fighting.
Cameron (as Emma): Mhm.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah Emma fought someone!
Nick (as Juno): Oh, damn.
Cameron (as Emma): Yep that did happen. Not on purpose.
Nick (as Juno): Are you the reason Atlas Bloodfeast got fired?
Kit (as Birdie): [gasp]
Cameron (as Emma): Oh, [overlapping] he got fired?
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] He got fired? Damn Emma.
Nick (as Juno): I wouldn't worry about him.
Cameron (as Janus): The book club will be so sad.
Nick (as Juno): He'll find work he always does. Wow.
Cameron (as Emma): I mean -
Nick (as Juno): Put down the Bloodfeast. Nice.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah. Well, I'm not surprised he got fired cause his boss is kind of an ass.
Nick (as Juno): Oh yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): Janus you should hire him just to be like eye candy around the store. I'm sure it would bring in a lot of business.
Cameron (as Janus): [laughing] I mean, he's tall enough to put all the books on the shelves without a ladder.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah. And he could probably just sit in on your book club.
Cameron (as Janus): He has actually come to the regular people's book club before.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh!
Cameron (as Janus): The normal one -
Kit (as Birdie): Oh.
Cameron (as Janus): - with not the high society ladies. They're the weird ones who kind of make him uncomfortable.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Nick (as Juno): I just think, like, Atlas is big and strong and he's got the muscle thing, but compared to Nate, you've already got, like, eye candy galore in that store. I don't, I don't think he can compete.
Cameron (as Janus): You know, I do tend to not have Nate downstairs when the book club gets there though. [laughing]
Nick (as Juno): Smart.
Cameron (as Janus): We've had some incidents,
Kit (as Birdie): [disappointed in society noises]
Cameron (as Janus): - where we've had to have people removed from the premises.
Sydney: Cassidy takes another big swig of her coffee and sets it down on the side table next to her.
Sydney (as Cassidy): So our next task, I guess then is just go win X Bikes. Casual.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean, I guess what - we could steal the trophy or something, but we gotta find it.
Cameron (as Janus): [doubtful noise in thief] Hmm.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, still gotta be close to it.
Cameron (as Janus): Yeah -
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah winning is gonna be the easy way.
Cameron (as Janus): That's gonna be the better option, I think. Either that or trying to take it immediately prior to the final match, when it's in transport, but that's probably too logistically complicated.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah. I mean, we haven't we - we can't say we've lost until you know, the bike explodes with me on it, or I crash and fall off the city, or Birdie cra- like
Cameron (as Janus): If you crash and fall off the city from the X Bike Arena, you are so talented.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well that's why I'm the premier undiscovered X Bike champion in the making.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep.
Cameron (as Emma): For your flashy racer name, are we just gonna call you like The Shard?
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh do you need to have some branding help?
Cameron (as Emma): Opal says that Cassidy Shard just wasn't super exciting.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney (as Cassidy): It's just my name. I'm sorry that I picked one that wasn't flashy enough.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, it's not "flashy" and then Marathon started talking about you flashing people, and it just kind of went downhill from there.
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh you're flashing people too? [way too interested]
Penn: Marathon sits straight up.
Penn (as Marathon): [in a daze] Fla- flashing?
Penn: And crashes back down onto the sofa.
Kit (as Birdie): Anyways.
Cameron (as Emma): Well, we know it has her interest.
Kit (as Birdie): [laugh]
Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean, not every team out there is like doing something ridiculous. If I don't know, I guess if Opal cares, we can do something fancy.
Kit (as Birdie): It's just, it's good to be memorable. And, like, having a really specific name will usually do that.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I'd rather be memorable because we won.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, yeah, but also, like, it gets people on your side. And sometimes X Biking is weird. Sometimes the crowd's opinion actually does matter more.
Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah, you don't want the crowd throwing heavy things at you in your racing if they don't like you.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah and the more people like it's, you know, you don't want people booing you and stuff like that. People definitely don't throw heavy objects.
Kit: And Birdie is outright lying. This is obvious.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, we're just gonna get you as prepared as you can be.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, you too, because you're the other driver.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, and that's why we're gonna train together.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Great. How long, oh all knowing Winifred, do we have till the season starts? Since I'm assuming you know everything about X Biking now.
Cameron (as Janus): [laugh] Do you want to tell her or do you want me to?
Kit (as Birdie): Guys, be nice.
Sydney (as Winifred): Oh you can, if you want.
Cameron (as Janus): You have -
Nick (as Juno): Doesn't X Bike start in like, four days?
Cameron (as Janus): - four days. Four days. Four days. Thank you, Juno.
Sydney (as Winifred): Sorry, Cassidy.
Nick (as Juno): Oh, shit, y'all are screwed.
Cameron (as Janus): Hey hey hey! Positive attitude.
Sydney: Cassidy picks up her coffee, takes another sip, and goes
Sydney (as Cassidy): Right. Well, I guess I, as premier X Bike star, need to go spend the next 72 hours at the track and then sleep for 24 so that I'm rested for the race.
Cameron (as Emma): I would probably recommend splitting up those hours differently.
Kit (as Birdie): It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it. The only thing complicated about X Biking is the rules.
[hurdy gurdy music swells]
Outro:
Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.
This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:
Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.
Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.
You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
Until you tune back…
…stay bold and stay kind