It’s not the Championship celebration they were expecting, but it’s certainly exciting.
It’s not the Championship celebration they were expecting, but it’s certainly exciting.
If you want to learn all about cool and spooky lakes all over the world, go check out Geo on TikTok. It’s not at all related to our show, but Sydney asked for announcements for the intro and Cameron said “happy spooky lake month” and now we’re here. You’re welcome.
Cast:
- Marathon Messenger is played by Penn Van Batavia. She can be found on Twitter at @acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram at @john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE *IT* OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
- Cassidy Shard is played by Sydney Whittington. She is our wonderful editor. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast. Find her on Twitter at @sydney_whitt.
- Emma Blackwood is played by Cameron Robertson. Find her on Twitter at @midnightmusic13 and on Instagram at @reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
- Birdie Foundling is played by Kit Adames. Find her on Twitter at @venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor and writer on Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
- Our GM and narrator is Nick Robertson. Find him on Twitter at @alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron and can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
Music & Sound Credits:
- This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
- old radio Channel search sound effect by Garuda1982. Link & License.
- Riot Crowd Immersed in 5.1 Take 1 by MrProfDrDickweed. Link & License.
- Parking Garage - Metal Door - Slam by soundadvices. Link & License.
- "Flag of No Country" by Julia Kent. Link & License.
- The Signals by Sergey Cheremisinov. Link & License.
Art Credits:
- The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @rashedjrs.
Find Us Online:
- Our Website
- Twitter
- Join our Patreon
- Join our Discord
A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript
Season 3 Episode 45: Coup Attempts, Just Like Normal
Transcript by Cameron Robertson
Intro:
[hurdy gurdy music begins]
Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –
Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.
Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.
Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.
Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.
Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.
Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:
[In Geo’s cadence] Um, yes hello, it’s spooky lake month… [back to normal] although I suppose that’s not this show, huh. If you fancy a spot of thalassophobia, that series is definitely a fun (and educational!) time, but we’re more of a fiction show. Though who are we to dissuade you from taking a deep dive into the archives by backing our patreon, which gives you access to fathoms of bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
[see Spooky Lake Month here: https://www.tiktok.com/@geodesaurus]
And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 45: Coup Attempts, Just Like Normal. And so…
“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches
To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”
[hurdy gurdy music ends]
[electronic beeping]
[robotic powerup noise begins]
Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.
[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]
[over radio]
Cameron (as Opal): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, I began to make my moves. Going down my todo list, my team won the X Bike Championships, I repossessed Carbon’s bike - which if he was smart would teach him not to go against me again but I doubt he’ll pick up on that lesson. Now my final task, at least for the moment, was to turn in the dossiers I’ve had collected on all of Wander’s less savory activities to the First Sword so she could do something about him since my bullets didn’t stick last time. Of course poor Gwendolyn is scared of him and didn’t want to make a move quickly, so I was forced to turn over my additional evidence of his smuggling activities. I was hoping she could be convinced without it, but alas, I suppose I’ll have to locate a new smugglers hatch to use since the Swords know about the one the Patina acquired for me now. With that last bit of evidence Gwendolyn was forced to make a move at the Parade when Wander wanders out of his hidey hole of an office. I’m not permitted to attend and watch all the festivities in person, which is a damn shame, but at least his deeds will get dragged out in the open in a very public setting which should make all of my planned Opal Corp acquisitions much simpler to accomplish. Since my security forces work for me personally and do not represent the company, of course I sent them to ensure that the deed gets done and that the people know my role in making it happen. These fools really don’t know what it means to move in the shadows - it’s only really effective when there’s something to keep the people distracted in the light.
[radio static]
Episode Start:
Nick: The rumble of Sasnak Traveling beneath your feet mixes with the increasing roar of fighting in the streets as Sasnak is invaded. Wander and Gwendolyn are facing off across the stage that should have been the location of your X Bike Triumph. Gwendolyn looks ready to decapitate anyone who stands in her way and Wander looks alert, but faintly amused. His normal facial expression. Emma, you are standing close to the plinth holding the X Bike Championship trophy and the rest of the Patina are scattered around the stage. Birdie and Cassidy were attempting to defuse the situation, but so far, have been unsuccessful. There aren't any mercenaries or Sasnak citizenry nearby the stage, but it's only a matter of time before Wander's security around the bottom are swamped by the chaos. Everybody roll Initiative.
Kit: Birdie is rolling two green. Birdie rolled a success in two advantages.
Penn: Marathon is rolling one green and got
[dice rolling]
Penn: Two advantages.
Sydney: Cassidy rolled a yellow and a green and got two successes and an advantage.
Cameron: Emma rolled two yellows and got two successes and advantage and a Triumph.
Nick: [annoyed GM] Great. [GM remembering he's supportive] I mean, great. Gwendolyn has really high Vigilance, so Gwendolyn is rolling two yellows and two green. Wander is rolling, one yellow and two green.
Penn: Gwendolyn got four successes and two advantages.
Cameron: Wander has two successes and four advantages.
Nick: Okay, so it's gonna go Gwendolyn, Wander, and then the party goes. But Emma, with your Triumph from last time you get a surprise round, so you get to go first.
Cameron: I'm grabbing this trophy.
Nick: The trophy is two feet tall. Most of it is a silver cup structure like you would see on a normal trophy base, and then the top is that blue glowing cube that is sunk on one corner into the top. What's surprising as you pick it up off of this plinth is how heavy it is. It is about three times heavier than you would expect it to be for its size. It feels incredibly dense. It's probably 35 pounds somewhere in there, you can pick it up with one hand, barely, but it puts a strain on your wrist to do so - it's more comfortable with two hands.
Penn: Marathon is on the other end of the stage and shouts to Emma. She'll say,
Penn (as Marathon): I'll play receiver!
Penn: And will keep her hands ready to catch anything Emma might need to toss.
Nick: So it doesn't take your whole action to pick this thing up. You were already right next to it. If you want to throw it to Marathon, you can, or if you want to move away from the coming conflict, you can.
Cameron: I'm going to put the trophy into my chainsaw case, because now it has handles and it's basically in a backpack.
Nick: Okay. Manhandling it into the case and zipping it up is the rest of your action.
Cameron: She will allow the chainsaw to turn off, so that Gwendolyn stops yelling. But I want to use my Triumph for my Initiative that I can do this without disarming myself.
Nick: Yeah, I think that's fair. If you have the case around one shoulder, you can swing it around in front of you and pretty deftly get this thing put away, it just takes a second - and you still have your chainsaw, you'll just need to restart it again, which won't be hard, since it was just running.
Cameron: That's fine. It's a sword right now. It's just not moving. I'm not really concerned about the chainsaw breaking. [laughing] Emma has no strong emotional attachment to this chainsaw.
Nick: Starting the chainsaw is just like pulling the cord again once you've got your hands free - like that's an incidental. It's not gonna really take anything. So that is what Emma has done. She has taken the trophy and put it into a chainsaw case and zipped it up, and now it's Gwendolyn's turn. Gwendolyn, you are currently convinced that everybody on this stage is out to get you, especially Wander.
Penn (as Gwendolyn): Wander. You're coming with me. Stand down now.
Penn: And she will, with this sword at both hands, bring the handle of the sword down to her hip and brace her knees ready to charge forward. She looks pretty daunting in this heavy armor. She looks like a wild animal ready to charge forth at a moment's notice.
Nick: Wander smiles his sharpened teeth at Gwendolyn and says,
Nick (as Wander): No, I don't think I will.
Nick: And with a quick flourish, two knives appear, one in each hand, and he crouches in a defensive stance.
Penn (as Gwendolyn): Fine. No duels. No men. None of this shit. I'm taking you in myself.
Penn: And she is going to start stepping forward and charge forth like a train, driving this sword in front of her.
Nick: And Wander didn't actually get to go yet, so he's not going to actually get bonuses for his Defensive Stance, and it'll be against two reds, not two purple because he has Adversary 2.
Penn: Gwendolyn is rolling three yellow, two green, versus two red.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Four successes and three advantages.
Nick: Wow, that's a lot. So it's eight damage and a crit. If we want to roll the crit.
[dice rolling]
Cameron: For the crit that is a 95.
Nick: Holy shit!
Cameron: A 95 is At the Brink: The target suffers two Strain each time they perform an action until this critical injury is healed.
Penn: So as Gwendolyn charged forth, she might have brushed past or bumped away Birdie, who was originally between these two adversaries, and in this charge, with her wide eyes, we see it's ended with Wander ran through pierced, punctured from stomach to back, with the First Sword's sword and Gwendolyn looks down and has a moment of maybe regret, maybe confusion, before a spurt of milky white sprays out, and she tries to step away, panickedally pulling the sword with her and pulls Wander with her as well.
Penn (as Gwendolyn): What are you?
Nick: And it is Wander's turn, and he steps forward, keeping the sword impaled through his torso, and grabs the hilt of Gwendolyn's sword with one hand going for an overhand stab down into Gwendolyn's shoulder, through a gap in her armor. And he is going to roll two yellow and two green. But Gwendolyn is also Adversary 2, but I'm going to downgrade the difficulty of this attack by two, because he is right in close, and Gwendolyn's sword is blocked, so just one red.
Cameron: All right. So two yellow, two green, one red.
[dice rolling]
Cameron: Three successes.
Nick: Okay, well, his dagger doesn't do as much damage, but it is Pierce 2, so that's nice. He's got stilettos, so that's four damage that Gwendolyn is going to take straight. So Gwendolyn, he plunges this knife down in a gap in your armor between your neck and your shoulder,
Penn (as Gwendolyn): Ahh!
Nick: - and uses it as leverage to pull himself in close, and says,
Nick (as Wander): Don't you want to see what these mercenaries do next? I am just so curious how they're going to respond to our fight.
Penn: Gwendolen just squints and tries to twist, maybe not causing damage, but
Penn (as Gwendolyn): You're gonna stay dead this time.
Nick: And up next is one of the Patina slots. Everyone has seen Emma has the trophy and Gwendolyn and Wander have both impaled each other.
Kit: I think Birdie will try to get the two of Gwendolyn and Wander separated, split the two of them up using the baton that she recently acquired as best she can, given that currently they're both stabbed and bleeding, she's hoping to have it be easier than it normally would be.
Nick: I think it would just be a normal Melee attack, but since they're not focused on you, and they are both currently stabbed, you can have two blue die.
Kit: Okay. Birdie is rolling two yellow, one green, two blue and two purple. Two successes and an advantage.
Nick: Nice, very good. So what is it you're attempting to achieve right now?
Kit: She's basically swatting them apart like two rambunctious cats. She's using her baton to just like, swipe out them and wedge her elbow and shoulder in between them on the side where the sword is not. Birdie's pissed off.
Nick: So I think you're able to knock these two at least partially apart. Wander's dagger stays stuck in Gwendolyn's shoulder, but he slides back off of the sword, mostly, and they are separated by your attempts. They both seem fairly distracted by trying to stay focused on the person that they were attacking, but also now they are aware that you're here with a baton, just messing up their whole plan.
Penn (as Gwendolyn): I knew you were working together. I knew it!
Kit (as Birdie): What the fuck are you even talking about?
Penn (as Gwendolyn): Wander - he's making a play.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] You're fighting. You're fighting like idiots.
Penn (as Gwendolyn): [overlapping] Obviously, Opal you're part of it. You're part of Opal's play. There's -
Kit (as Birdie): We -
Penn (as Gwendolyn): I'm -
Penn: Gwendolyn looks around the stage and just sees flashes of chaos. Her eyes are highlighted.
Penn (as Gwendolyn): There's the fighting - you ushered in this - all of this!
Kit (as Birdie): We did not. And you need to go and quell whatever the fuck is happening out there. You're not doing - you're neglecting the actual people of the city that you're supposed to be working for.
Sydney (as Cassidy): The only people not fighting are up on this goddamn stage, now that you're fighting, I guess. Get your sword out of Wander and go do something useful.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah!
Penn (as Gwendolyn): Shut up Cassidy! You don't know how what it's like here, okay? This guy is - it all circles back to this guy, okay? If you want to do something useful, if you want to de-escalate, take this guy down, get him onto his stomach, and I'll take care of all of this shit because apparently I'm the only one that can fucking do it.
Nick: Who's up next at Initiative?
Cameron: How high is this stage?
Nick: Like six feet off the ground. You could jump off of there. You'd be fine.
Cameron: Having acquired and secured the trophy, Emma is going to look back up at the Wander and Gwendolyn altercation when she finishes zipping the chainsaw case and swings it back or under her back, and since Gwendolyn was facing her, I think she can see Gwendolyn's face and recognizes the kind of wild look in her eyes, where we are no longer doing the logical, controlled thinking - we have entered into just the fight part of fight or flight, but we're not making logical decisions. She's committed at this point, and I think around the same time that Birdie steps in to try and get the two of them to be mature adults about this and stop stabbing each other with pointy sticks, Emma turns around towards the front of the stage and is going to run and leap off of it over the heads of Wander's security guards and land and do a roll, and then keep running and head towards where the riots are happening, to go and try and help the poor, defenseless people of Sasnak.
Nick: Emma, go ahead and give me an Athletics check to see how much you can clear this cordon of guards and how far you make it down the road. The difficulty, I think, is average.
Cameron: For Athletics I am rolling two yellows, one green and two purples.
[dice rolling]
Cameron: One success, one advantage.
Nick: Okay, so yeah, you're able to clear this gap. What does it look like as Emma makes her way out of the conflict zone and into a different conflict zone?
Cameron: If we're describing where the camera is filming this action sequence from: camera is down with Emma when she's finishing zipping up the case, rises up with her as she stands and looks towards Gwendolyn. We get a close up on Gwen's highly dilated, wild eyes, just looking all around, not really focusing on one person, just all of the Patina and Wander are threats. And then the camera jumps back to look at Emma. She turns towards all of the ruckus and the noise happening in the distance from the riot, and seeing that three of her teammates are still up on this stage, it's probably okay. They'll probably run. The camera starts following her as she starts running towards the front of the stage, and then the next shot is down from the feet of the security officers from Wander's group as she flies over them, and then cuts to watching her do a roll on the ground and then take off running down the street towards the riot. Probably around the time that she's landing on the ground and starting to run again, for the second time in as many days, she yells back over her shoulder to the rest of the Patina,
Cameron (as Emma): [yelling] I'm gonna go help people.
Cameron: And then keeps running.
Kit (as Birdie): See, be more like Emma.
Penn (as Gwendolyn): I'm solving the problem at its root.
Nick: So we're to another party slot in Initiative. What do you all do?
Penn: Marathon, who was staying open in receiver mode, as she calls it, for any hot potato antics with the trophy, sees Emma flip off the stage and was cheering her on, and then turns her attention towards Cassidy, trying to make eye contact, as if asking for an order.
Sydney: Cassidy has seen that Emma jumped off and ran into the crowd, and is trying to run the math on what course of action to take. What is going to be the most effective for the city and also for them, and settles on that if Wander has lived for however many 1000s of years, he's likely to be the most dangerous person here, and she doesn't really want to watch Gwen die in front of her and the way to keep that from happening is to keep them from fighting and Cassidy points down at the melee that Birdie is trying to break apart.
Penn: Marathon is going to make a small nod, and then in a fluid motion, turn her gaze towards Wander and Gwendolyn, and is going to just run full speed and try to tackle Gwendolyn off the stage and bring the sword out of Wander with her.
Nick: Yeah, go ahead and roll me that Brawl attack. It's gonna be against two reds.
Penn: Marathon is rolling four yellow and a green versus two reds.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Three successes, three advantages, and a Despair.
Nick: Are you using your brass knuckles right now, or are you just tackling?
Penn: I don't think Marathon had time to take out the brass knuckles. She's just doing a shoulder tackle. She's not even using them for this anyway.
Nick: Okay, so you're doing seven damage combined with your shoulder check and the act of flying off the stage with Marathon on top of her. Her armor does absorb some of that blow, but you hurt Gwendolyn pretty good. She's not doing as bad as Wander, but she's not feeling great, but you successfully tackle her off the stage.
Penn: Yeah. As Marathon got a running start, we just see her tuck down and she's spearing Gwendolyn in the side, and then both of their bodies go tumbling down off of the stage in the direction that Emma jumped down, and the sword comes dragging out of Wander. And as they fall down, the weight of the sword's blade tips and it sticks itself into the cobblestone road.
Nick: Wander sags as the sword is pulled free. He has kind of an unreadable facial expression as he watches this happen. What does Gwendolyn say after she gets smashed to the ground here?
Penn (as Gwendolyn): [yelling] What the actual fuck? [doppler effect as she falls]
Penn: And then she hits the ground.
Nick: Wander holds his hand to the large wound in his chest, and says,
Nick (as Wander): Well, that was unexpected.
Nick: And he has a very broad smile on his face, because at the moment, it looks like the Patina has sided with Wander. And we're to the next initiative slot. Cassidy is up.
Sydney (as Cassidy): All right, Wander, take your people, go stop the stupid fucking riot that's gonna about to murder all these innocents, because I guess you're the only other person around here with any group of power.
Sydney: And Cassidy moves out of the way and tries to go see what she can do to now peel Gwendolyn and Marathon apart without everyone also getting hurt - everyone in the new pile.
Penn: I think when they fell off the stage, Gwendolyn hit with a big thunk, and Marathon used Gwendolyn's body to brace her fall.
Sydney: Cassidy looks down at the pile of Marathon and Gwendolyn and goes,
Sydney (as Cassidy): Gwen, now that you're not stabbing people that are uninvolved in the situation, go out there and actually like, deal with the fucking riot.
Penn (as Gwendolyn): [yelling] Shut the hell up and take him down!
Sydney (as Cassidy): We have better things to be doing!
Penn (as Gwendolyn): [coughing to get air back into lungs]
Nick: So I think the Despair that Marathon rolled is that Gwendolyn is basically in a blood rage right now. She has become very singularly focused on Wander being the problem. So the difficulty is going to be much harder on this Charm check that you're about to do. Instead of it being two reds, it's going to be three reds.
Sydney: I'm gonna flip a Story Point to go up to a yellow and a green against these three reds.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: A success and two threats.
Nick: Good for you, you lucky duck. Something about your relationship with Gwendolyn, and the situation gets through to her.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Damn it Gwen, even Wyatt would have known that there's bigger stakes right now. [oh snap]
Penn: Gwen gets a flash in her eyes and quickly pushes Marathon off of her, sending Marathon bouncing into the sword sticking out of the ground, and then looks at Cassidy, shakes her head a little bit, looks up at Wander and Birdie up on stage, and then takes a moment to look at her surroundings, and will just nod at Cassidy shamefully, pull her sword out of the ground and start dragging it behind her as she starts running into the fray to disperse the rioting going on. As she starts stepping away, she shouts behind her,
Penn (as Gwendolyn): Just do me a favor and keep him there.
Sydney: Cassidy looks over at Wander.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Send your guys out. Go help and I guess we get to stay here and wait.
Penn (as Marathon): Ow, my head.
Nick (as Wander): This is such an interesting change in circumstances. Are you saying that I am not the bad guy anymore?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, you're waiting here for justice. What do you mean? You did just stab the First Sword.
Nick (as Wander): Oh, by current Sasnak rules she started it. I - that aggression would not hold up in court.
Nick: He's standing, he's just slouched, holding his wound.
Kit (as Birdie): Whatever you are, you're part of the problem right now.
Nick: Wander looks a little hurt.
Nick (as Wander): I'll make a deal, because I have no interest in seeing this city fall to a sort of military incursion. I will order my troops to assist in exchange for some basic first aid.
Kit (as Birdie): Fine.
Nick (as Wander): I appear to be bleeding quite a bit.
Kit (as Birdie): Yes, yes, I know. Okay, yes. Do that.
Nick: If you flip me a Story Point, there's a nice first aid kit here.
Kit: Ooh~. Yeah, I'll flip a Story Point for a nice first aid kit to be somewhat near.
Nick: Yeah, there's a medic station just off the stage. You're able to go and get the first aid kit out of it. It's been abandoned, so it's pretty easy to get.
Kit: Birdie's doing things in the way that you do in your frustrated post situation. She slams the first aid kit down on the ground, and she's like,
Kit (as Birdie): Sit down. Just just just just do what you need to do and sit down.
Nick (as Wander): Yes, ma'am.
Nick: And Wander takes a couple of steps towards the edge of the stage and says,
Nick (as Wander): Captain, divert your forces. Radio all employees that we are to repel this mercenary incursion immediately. Hazard pay is in order.
Nick: And the security forces, who had not responded to any of this so far, they had just stood as though ordered not to interfere, one of the members of the Security Group turns around, nods to Wander, gives a brief salute and pulls out a small radio and begins to talk into it, and they form up into a phalanx of security and run towards the sounds of conflict. You do notice that the security forces move a different direction than Emma went. They're heading down a side street. And after that, Wander takes two steps back towards Birdie and then sinks down to sit on his butt and looks even paler somehow.
Nick (as Wander): There. It's done. Best deal I ever made.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, yeah, okay, just hold still. You're - do your vital organs function like humans do? Or can I just stitch you up? Because this might be like surgery, surgery.
Nick (as Wander): Oh, just stopping the bleeding should do for now.
Kit (as Birdie): Okay, that's really [grossed out noise] - why is it white?
Kit: She's pulling out gauze and is trying to apply pressure, pushing some gauze into the wound itself, and trying to get the bleeding to stop.
Nick: One thing you notice as you are trying to clean the wound and apply pressure is the jagged edges where the sword cut through the skin are wiggling slightly and seem to be reaching towards either side, as though it's trying to actively stitch itself closed. It's extremely off putting.
Kit (as Birdie): [concerned uncomfortable noise] Do you - you don't need stitches or anything?
Nick (as Wander): No, that should be fine. Thank you, Birdie.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, don't mention it.
Sydney: Cassidy is pacing the stage, watching the people be dispatched, watching Gwen having disappeared, and is trying to decide whether, if she ran after Emma, it would be useful, or just one more person in danger.
Nick: So Birdie finishes giving a peremptory bandage to Wander, and you can hear fighting on side streets. This particular area has quieted now that the security is gone and Gwendolyn is gone, it's weirdly peaceful for just a second. Wander nods to the group and says,
Nick (as Wander): I don't think I'll be going anywhere anytime soon.
Penn: Marathon pulls herself up onto the stage fully out of her daze.
Penn (as Marathon): Uh, y'all, do I - wait where do I go? Do I help Emma? Help you? I don't want to leave y'all unprotected.
Kit (as Birdie): We'll be fine. I mean, it's all around there that's bad.
Penn (as Marathon): Cass?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Birdie, how well do you know the allies around here? You think you can go find Emma without putting yourself in danger?
Kit: Birdie will think about it.
Penn (as Marathon): I can hold a wound. You did the hard part.
Kit (as Birdie): It should be fine.
Penn (as Marathon): Mhm.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, yeah. I know this area. I can, I can find Emma.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay.
Penn (as Marathon): We'll keep this rascal grounded then.
Kit (as Birdie): Do you want to meet back here, or
Sydney (as Cassidy): Meet back at the shipping container. And if we can't get there, then either the bookstore or Winifred's. I'm not sure where Emma would go.
Kit (as Birdie): Probably back home.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Kay.
Penn (as Marathon): Birdie?
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah?
Penn: Marathon's just gone give her a quick hug.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay, you got this. You got this. Stay safe.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Be safe. See you soon.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, well I got my baton.
Kit: And she'll run off.
Nick: And we cut away as Birdie climbs down from the stage and starts to track down Emma, to Emma surrounded by a group of mercenaries protecting a small group of children who are clustered in an alleyway in fear. Emma, what does this seed look like? There's four grizzled mercenaries with weapons drawn trying to surround you and get past you to get to these kids and potentially whatever money that they might have or the shop behind them. You're not entirely sure what they're trying to do.
Cameron: So how much time would you say has passed?
Nick: Probably like five minutes. And it's, you're like, a couple blocks away. You ran very fast.
Cameron: So standing here in front of these kids, my only weapon at the moment is a chainsaw. [laugh]
Nick: Yep.
Cameron: To not scar these children for life, because obviously my first thought is, oh, cool, chainsaw that's just a moving sword, spin in circles like you did with the sword, but children - so what I want to do is in an alley in front of a storefront, as this is a highly industrial city, is there a pipe or something of substantial weight that could be up above the mercenaries in the alleyway that I could mechanically cause to fall?
Nick: If you flip me a Story Point, there can be.
Cameron: All right, I'm flipping a Story Point. What I would like to do is use my How Convenient Talent to make a hard Mechanics check, and if I'm successful, I can make a device spontaneously fail.
Nick: Oh, interesting.
Cameron: So I would like some heavy piece of machinery to fall from the sky, not necessarily killing these mercenaries, but squishing them. They can be alive still, but incapacitate them, rather than trying to hit them.
Nick: Sure, what do you think this piece of heavy machinery is? It could be a scaffold that collapses. It could be one of those window washer gurney carts that the pulleys give out.
Cameron: I like the idea of this area being slightly under construction. It's not the scaffolding that necessarily falls, but it's like they had hoisted a heavy pipe that they were going to install, or like an air conditioner or something like that, where sometimes to keep people from stealing it while they're not at the job site, they'll use the crane to lift it up in the air,
Nick: Sure.
Cameron: So we'll say it's a new metal pipe that they're going to install.
Nick: Go ahead and roll me that hard Mechanics check.
Cameron: All right. So for my hard Mechanics check I'm rolling three yellows, a green, and three purples.
[dice rolling]
Cameron: Four successes and a threat.
Nick: Okay, that goes very well. Describe what this looks like as you rescue these children from these encroaching mercenaries.
Cameron: So as the mercenaries approached, Emma had taken a step further out in front of this group of children, and is getting into her standard fighting stance, and hefts the chainsaw slightly, and then looks down at it and registers this is a chainsaw, and then glances back over her shoulder at this small group of young children behind her, and is like mmm and shifts her hands around to use it more like a club, rather than a blade of mass destruction. And then, as she's turning to the side to get momentum going to swing it around and hit all of these mercenaries, a panel in the wall of the alley catches her eye, and then she glances up and sees a pipe. And then she, instead of using this chainsaw as a club to hit the mercenaries, just bashes the chainsaws back - the body of the chainsaw - into this control panel, causing this pipe that has been lifted above the alleyway in preparation for some construction job to be released from the crane holding it and fall to the ground via the airspace being taken up by these mercenaries, and it squishes them.
Nick: Yeah, this thing falls down and crushes these people beneath it, knocking them all conveniently unconscious and sparing these children from watching you dismember them with a chainsaw.
Kit: A small orphan child holding the left leg of a teddy bear so its head is upside down, yet seems to be one of the older ones of the pack of orphans that Emma has just saved will wipe their nose and go,
Kit (as Small Child): Thank you for saving us, pretty lady. But what do we do now?
Cameron (as Emma): Now you're gonna hide and try not to let anyone find you.
Kit (as Small Child): Uh, okay, okay, okay, yeah. [yelling] Everyone! Hide and seek now!
Kit: And everyone scatters.
Cameron (as Emma): Excellent.
Kit (as Small Child): [still yelling] 1 - 2 - 3 -
Cameron (as Emma): Maybe, maybe a little maybe a little bit quieter. A little bit quieter.
Kit (as Small Child): Sorry, they just, they can't really hear me. [softer yelling] 4 - 5 - 6 -
Cameron: Emma, seeing that this child obviously has this well in hand, is going to head towards this pipe that fell from the sky and hop over it to get back out of the alley, and is going to pick up one of the swords from these unconscious mercenaries. Whichever one seems to have the nicest sword, that's the one she takes.
Nick: Yeah, you're able to get yourself a pretty nice sword and Birdie - right around now is when you're able to catch up to Emma. You find her standing next to an alley mouth, picking through a pile of weapons next to some crushed mercenaries beneath heavy equipment.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, my good- what did you do?
Cameron (as Emma): Hmm?
Kit (as Birdie): Emma?
Cameron (as Emma): Birdie.
Kit (as Birdie): Emma that's - okay.
Cameron (as Emma): I dropped, I dropped a pipe on them.
Kit (as Birdie): [relieved exhale] Glad I got to you. [alert again] You dropped a pipe on them?
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): Um, yeah, okay. Why is that small child facing the wall and counting?
Cameron (as Emma): Cause she's helping her friends hide.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, okay, cool. Um, well, I'm glad I found you. Seems like you have everything covered here though. I thought that was gonna be a lot harder.
Cameron (as Emma): How did - how? How -
Kit (as Birdie): How's everything?
Cameron (as Emma): - you? Wander? Gwendolyn?
Kit (as Birdie): [sigh] Well, Gwendolyn seemingly came to her senses after Cassidy brought up Wyatt and kind of just stalked off. And then,
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] Oh, damn.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] I had to give - yeah, whatever that was about. And then I gave Wander first aid in exchange for him calling his, his people on the mercenary group that's doing this shit right now. So, you know, it's, it's as it's as in control as I think it's gonna be right now.
Penn (as Small Child): I found you. You're it.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay, okay, but I'm not playing. I've got to go beat up more bad guys. So I need you -
Penn (as Small Child): You're it!
Cameron (as Emma): - to keep playing in the - okay, y'all go hide. I'll count. One -
Kit (as Birdie): Oooh you better go hide!.
Cameron (as Emma): Two -
Penn (as Small Child): [giggle] I'm going to the cabinet.
Cameron (as Emma): - Three -
Nick: And we cut away from the impromptu game of hide and seek, back to Marathon and Cassidy. What all have you two decided to do now that Birdie has run off to fetch Emma?
Penn: Marathon takes up her familiar security stance, standing up tall and straight, intimidatingly, with her arms crossed just a few feet behind Cassidy.
Sydney: Is Wander still sitting down?
Nick: Yes, he is sitting down. Despite how much bravado he showed before, after being stabbed, he's looking a little shaky and hollow eyed after being impaled. It seems like whatever passes for adrenaline for him is starting to wear off.
Sydney: Cassidy is - having cast a glance around and seeing that the sounds of combat are getting further away thanks to the efforts of Gwen, Emma, and Wander's security forces - squats down a few feet over from Wander.
Sydney (as Cassidy): So what's going on is this all councilors making coup attempts, just like normal?
Nick (as Wander): I would say that there is very little about this that I would classify as normal. But yes, it would appear that my opponent, Opal, has finally decided to make her move. Maybe the council is no longer serving its purpose in her illustrious opinion.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, in your illustrious opinion, what do we need to do to keep the city from just destroying itself and killing all the people who aren't armed mercenaries?
Nick (as Wander): I think whatever forces she's brought to bear are the biggest problem. You've already managed to get the First Sword focused on the right objective. My employees are focused on the right objective. I would argue anyone who can fight should fight if your goal is preserving the city, which, as I am quite fond of the city myself, I would also appreciate.
Penn (as Marathon): You'd like that wouldn't you. We leave you here alone, you know to escape and go wherever you please.
Nick (as Wander): I won't be going anywhere quickly, and even if I do, the city is pretty self contained. There's not much anywhere to run if I've completely destroyed my reputation here, but I don't think I have. Just a minor inconvenience.
Penn (as Marathon): Cass?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Kay is Opal just trying to do a political takeover, or she have like some magic way to control the city?
Nick (as Wander): That I unfortunately don't know. She's actually surprised me this time. I would assume that her objective is a little more complex than just seize the city using foreign mercenaries, but sometimes a hammer works better than a scalpel. I think the only way to find her true motivation will be to cause her to fail at this point, but you can expect heavy resistance. Now that she's gone all in, as it were, she will no longer be worried about being subtle.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, it's hard to be subtle when you're doing a mercenary takeover of Merchant's Alley.
Nick (as Wander): Agreed. Her next target will probably be the Domes. And then after that, who could say? Probably the councilor and then forcing some sort of surrender would be my guess, but if we can stop them before that, we'll save people and property.
Sydney: Cassidy stands up and does a small lap, holding her hands to her eyes.
Penn (as Marathon): I think it's about time we go hero mode, Cass.
Penn: Marathon's hands are on her hips now.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, it's sure sounding like it isn't it Marathon? I don't, we don't have enough information. We don't even, I mean, it's probably Opal. When are we just gonna go guns a blazing in Opal's building and go, 'okay, here. We're all, Oh, hi, we heard you were a problem. We're here to end your problem.'
Penn (as Marathon): I thought we were gonna go after mercenaries, but you want to take it straight to her. I I admire that. I think I'd be down.
Sydney: Cassidy looks up at Marathon.
Sydney (as Cassidy): No, we have to protect people. I don't think that's the - I think that's just going to be more chaos.
Penn (as Marathon): Mhm. Get pulled into the machinations. God, I don't know if I like Sasnak. [laugh]
Nick (as Wander): The city and its people certainly have layers to them, Marathon. I'm of the opinion that all of it is good, or at least interesting.
Penn (as Marathon): I think I prefer when they when the council people don't know my name. Let's, let's roll Cass. Well, opposite direction or same direction as the rest of Patina? And do we tie up this guy before we leave?
Nick (as Wander): Please don't.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, let's follow Birdie, head that way up towards the shipping container. Get on top of everything. Take a look around. Get geared up in something that's not this.
Sydney: And Cassidy looks down at her very shiny, very skin tight outfit.
Penn (as Marathon): [chuckle] Although I would love to see you kick ass in that outfit, I agree. Let's head up.
Nick: And we'll cut away from you two to the underside of Sasnak Traveling, where you can see dozens of armed and armored trucks driving, keeping pace with the city. They have hooked into the underside of the city with grappling hooks and ladders and mercenaries are slowly climbing their way up into the underside of the Guts. The Ramp is a battlefield with the Ramp Girls holding back a large portion of this mercenary force keeping them from getting into the city, and from one of the larger trucks, you can see the bucket of a cherry picker arm being raised up to the underside of the city, and two mercenaries are holding what looks to be a large piece of wild tech, maybe weighing 100 pounds, and they struggle to lift it and press it into the underside of the city where it sticks with a heavy clang. One of the mercenaries pulls out a radio and clicks the static twice before getting a response.
Cameron (as Opal): [over radio] Please start up the device, Captain.
Nick (as Mercenary): [over radio] Yes, ma'am.
Nick: And there is a quickly growing flash of light at a loud clang and the members of the Patina from where you are in the city, for the first time that you can remember, you hear nothing. The deep rumble of this city, the vibration that pervades every aspect of life here, is suddenly gone as the city of Sasnak stops.
[hurdy gurdy music swells]
Outro:
Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.
This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:
Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.
Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.
You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
Until you tune back…
…stay bold and stay kind