The Patina has planned and surprise meetings with Sasnak Councilors.
The Patina has planned and surprise meetings with Sasnak Councilors.
Cast:
- Marathon Messenger is played by Penn Van Batavia. She can be found on Twitter at @acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram at @john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE *IT* OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
- Cassidy Shard is played by Sydney Whittington. She is our wonderful editor. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast. Find her on Twitter at @sydney_whitt.
- Emma Blackwood is played by Cameron Robertson. Find her on Twitter at @midnightmusic13 and on Instagram at @reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
- Birdie Foundling is played by Kit Adames. Find her on Twitter at @venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor and writer on Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
- Our GM and narrator is Nick Robertson. Find him on Twitter at @alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron and can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
Music & Sound Credits:
- This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
- old radio Channel search sound effect by Garuda1982. Link & License.
- WALLA Ballpark Applause Short 01 by AshFox. Link & License.
- Ahooga vintage car horn, remix of craigsmith's Freesound 480002.wav by Timbre. Link & License.
- bike_horn by MiscPractice. Link & License.
- toaster oven or lift/elevator bell by azumarill. Link & License.
- United Voyagers by Sergey Chereminisov. Link & License.
Art Credits:
- The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @rashedjrs.
Find Us Online:
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A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript
Season 3 Episode 40: Continuing To Surprise
Transcript by Cameron Robertson
Intro:
[hurdy gurdy music begins]
Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –
Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.
Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.
Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.
Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.
Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.
Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:
Wow, I just checked the time and it’s wrist o’clock, which means it’s cross-promotion time! Nick just made an appearance on Vivian Von Vixen and the Vast Beyond! An audio drama about a female space adventurer discovering a new galaxy, it’s highly produced and written like a Pulp Space adventure from the 20's and it's a blast. Nick shows up in episode 4.
And if you want further adventures a little closer to home, consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 40: Continuing To Surprise. And so…
“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches
To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”
[hurdy gurdy music ends]
[electronic beeping]
[robotic powerup noise begins]
Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.
[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]
[over radio]
Kit (as Birdie): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, um Marathon and I decided to go and do a little bit of self care, one could say, and we both got some really really cool piercings and - well I got a really good haircut and Marathon got… a haircut. And Cassidy and I did a lot of winning. Um which is, which is really good. It’s great. And it definitely doesn’t make me nervous for whether or not this is all going to be worth it in the end but it should be. Trying to keep our hopes up, uh, looking forward. [nervous laugh]
[radio static]
Episode Start:
Nick: It's the day after the Patina's latest victory in their whirlwind X Bike tour, and we find Emma, Birdie, Marathon, and Cassidy in Opal's office yet again, as they have been summoned to discuss any final preparations for the end of the X Bike season, the X Bike Finals, and what Opal needs to do to ensure that the Patina is in that Final in an attempt to win the trophy that they need for Winifred. Opal is there alone.
Cameron (as Opal): Well, I must say, excellent work to the two of you ladies. Goodness. I know, I know I said that my job would be much simpler if at least one of you remained on the podium, but, my goodness. I feel I didn't needn't have said anything. I don't, I don't know why I was so worried about the amount of efforts this was going to take to get you into the Finals. Bravo. Excellent. Excellent job. Um, how, how are how are you feeling? Tired? Elated?
Kit (as Birdie): Well, you know, we've amassed quite a following. I think a lot of people are really excited to see what we're going to do next, and we're feeling, I think we're feeling, we're feeling good going in. Excited, you know?
Cameron (as Opal): Yes, I feel like I've learned so much about all of you. You're the main topic in all of the gossip rags.
Kit (as Birdie): [excited] Really?
Sydney (as Cassidy): I would venture many of those facts are not based in reality.
Cameron (as Opal): Well, of course, darling, but that's what makes it more fun, is that I have no idea what's correct.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Of course.
Cameron (as Opal): But yes, you have gone up the popularity ladder quite successfully and rather like we were on a trampoline, or had a jet pack or something.
Penn (as Marathon): We went to the moon.
Penn: Marathon says with her arms crossed, sunglasses on, in her security suit still.
Cameron (as Opal): Well, Tall One we did pass a chunk of it a few weeks ago, so kind of, yes, um, but also not, not that high for the rest of it that's still up there. I do believe that a large portion of this fame that you have accumulated is due to you, Tall One, and your most diverting mascot for the team.
Penn (as Marathon): Did you catch it?
Cameron (as Opal): Catch what?
Penn (as Marathon): Catch the show, not the chainsaw.
Cameron (as Opal): Oh.
Penn: Marathon gives a little wink and then realizes she's got sunglasses on and awkwardly stands.
Cameron (as Opal): Yes, I have been monitoring all of the races. The the last few have spent a an amazing amount of time focusing on you when they likely should have been looking at the track, but that that is a bonus for us. It keeps the interest off of the other teams and keeps it on you, so excellent.
Penn (as Marathon): Helps, helps our bikes made by super mechanic Miss Emma here shine.
Cameron (as Opal): The chainsaws do?
Penn (as Marathon): No, the the distracted racers.
Cameron (as Opal): Oh, oh, yes, okay, that that makes more sense. Um, yes, those, those parts that you earned in your first job, most definitely seem to have done their part. Made an impact. Done great things. I am most pleased. Now we have been rushing through this whole ordeal, we'll say, to make it to the Finals, which, of course, are just two days away. But surely, with all this practice you've gotten in, you're feeling very prepared, and I know that you'll be just so pleased to hear that I have successfully gotten your team entered into the Finals, and I barely even had to grease any wheels at all to make that happen. Your meteoric rise to the top of the rankings of the lower level professional races and top top marks on the popularity made it a very convincing argument, and the fact that one of your main competitors found themselves not able to complete a race and losing their place and the Finals didn't hurt one bit. So
Kit (as Birdie): Yes, we heard about we heard about that. It's very unfortunate.
Cameron (as Opal): Oh yes, not as uncommon as you might think, dear, there's normally one team at least, who has some rather unfortunate accident within the week or so, two weeks, leading up to the Finals. It keeps all of the betting pools on their toes. So you're in. Congratulations. All of my council friends are very jealous. And I don't, I don't think you'll find anyone who says that you shouldn't be in the Finals. I think you've been, only been racing a short time, but my nephew has told me that one, all of his school friends are rather salty, because he has been placing bets on you for all of the races and has been winning spectacularly and also they are apparently all convinced that you are obviously expert racers from some sort of racing circuit outside of Sasnak. Which I know, of course Tall One, you said that The Shard was but Hellcat dear, I believe that this newer for you - you raced, you raced as a child against your 15 siblings. Is that correct?
Sydney (as Cassidy): [laugh]
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle] Oh, well, a previously very high ranking X Bike racer, you know, showed me the ropes, so yes, but I was very, very young when that all happened.
Cameron (as Opal): Yes, marvelous. Well, do any of you have any questions for me? I feel like you're probably very much in the swing of things at this point. But any questions about the Finals in particular, or any of the festivities surrounding it?
Kit (as Birdie): Festivities?
Cameron (as Opal): Well, yes, you know the parades, the press dinners?
Kit (as Birdie): Oh.
Cameron (as Opal): Surely you've been reached out to about the commercials,
Penn: the Patina all just starts to look at each other like somebody else should have known.
Kit: Birdie will look a little sheepish and say,
Kit (as Birdie): I honestly thought that they got rid of all of the pomp and circumstance around that, because we - it's really expanded and I thought it was a money thing, but I guess not.
Cameron (as Opal): Well, so they did discontinue it for a while there, but it's such fun. It was a stupid decision to cancel it, so we brought it back.
Kit (as Birdie): I see.
Cameron (as Opal): But I'm assuming from the blank faces that you have not been made aware of any of these activities.
Kit (as Birdie): Nope -
Sydney (as Cassidy): We have not.
Kit (as Birdie): - not quite yet.
Cameron (as Opal): All right, well, that's a failure on my staff's part. I will work on that. You have time to attend the dinners and the festivities like the parades directly surrounding the race, of course. I will, I will have someone from my staff will be reaching out to you to try to at least get a quick commercial segment in that we can maybe fit in, possibly even during the race. We'll have to decide what product we want to put you on. There's so many options. Hmm, that's a future - that's a future us problem. We'll deal with it.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Do we know who all is going to be in the Finals? I assume it's Carbon's team.
Cameron (as Opal): Yes, unfortunately, Carbon's team made it. No great shock there, so it is very much the teams that we would expect, really your team and the ScavengHERs are the two teams that we haven't known this whole time were going to be in the Finals. And really the only reason that both teams are is because we had that terrible incident that took one of the known teams out of the running. So honestly, The Shard, I don't care enough about the other teams to be able to list all of them.
Sydney (as Cassidy): No. I mean, we know. We know. We have watched races.
Cameron (as Opal): It's the professional teams. You and the ScavengHERs are the surprise entrant just in that you made it there and you weren't, you weren't there the whole time. You weren't in the Finals last year, that's really all that surprise means. And then, of course, Carbon. Any questions?
Kit (as Birdie): No, I think I'm, I mean, I think I'm all I'm all good on the questions front. Cassidy?
Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean, that's what we've been working our way up the ladder for. We know how it works.
Cameron (as Opal): All right well, I figured, but, you know, it is a bit of a larger race. Obviously, there are surrounding events that we will ensure that you are plugged into. Well, if you have no more questions, be waiting for my staff member to get in touch with you with the details for your hmm, abbreviated press circuit, we'll say. And just in appreciation of honestly how easy you've made this for me to make it happen, I will be having a delivery made to your garage, or my garage, the garage you're using, and we here at Opal Corp have been able to procure and save off some proprietary fuel mix for you to utilize during the Final. My my engineers have assured me that it is totally fine to work for your bikes and is safe there. It is in limited supply, which is why I did not offer it to you earlier, but that should give you at least a one step up on your competition for this last race here.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Appreciate it.
Cameron (as Emma): That's great. Thank you.
Kit (as Birdie): Yes, thank you. Thank you so much.
Penn (as Marathon): Just as long as Emma checks the safety of that. But yes,
Cameron (as Emma): Oh.
Penn (as Marathon): Thank you.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, of we would want to make sure that Cassidy and Birdie knew what power they were going to be working with when they got out there. So we will have to try just a little bit of it in both of the bikes to make sure that y'all don't like fall off the back or something when it takes off. [laugh]
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): [concerned giggle] Yeah.
Cameron (as Opal): Yeah, yes, please, please, please don't. There is, there is more there than you should need for the races for just two bikes, but just just be aware it is a limited quantity. And as this is proprietary mixture from Opal Corp, I will be having a security detail monitoring the garage. They're, in fact, there already now, both to ensure that no one else gets their hands on the fuel, but also that no one um, fucks with your bikes.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, thank you very much.
Cameron (as Opal): Yep, so for the actual viewing of the race, obviously two of you will be down racing, so this doesn't apply to you, but to the rest of your group, the Councilors are opening up our box level to our teams. So you're all welcome to come and view the festivities from up above the normal people. Feel free to come and go as you must, if need arises of your mechanical or mascotial knowledge. Um, but we'll there will be, there will be snacks, some more comfortable chairs up there. Yes, all right. Well, I don't have anything else to say to you, so goodbye. Go win stuff.
Nick: And the Patina is escorted out of Opal Corp headquarters, and you all are free to move about the city and relax for the next day or two before The X Bike Finals begin. The next thing we see is the Patina in the late evening, gathered around the kitchen table of the shipping container, listening to the radio as the city prepares for the X Bike Finals, which will be occurring very soon.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over the radio] And that concludes our Power Hour X Bike Roundup. Hard hitting analysis of every bike that's going to be in the Finals. As a reminder, I'm your host, Cletus Axelhammer, and here's
Nick (as The Nuts): [over the radio] The Nuts! [awooga][way too many soundboard noises] Oh yeah~.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over the radio] We'll be doing six more hours of analysis over the next day as we lead into the show, and then you'll see us live in the stadium in my signature outfit.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over the radio] I haven't seen a lineup like this since five years ago when Riff Cannon tried to make a comeback for retirement and crashed and burned so spectacularly.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over the radio] Real tragic to see.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over the radio] You know, sometimes people just got to take a hit and get out of the game. [womp womp]
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over the radio] But the Cannon Academy is going to be his legacy.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over the radio] You know what they say Cletus - those who can't do, teach.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over the radio] Speaking of Riff Cannon and his legacy, with this Final as we just covered, we have the Patina with Hellcat, one of Riff Cannon's final associates, unseen for years and now suddenly returned.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over the radio] [ghost noise] It's like they came back from the dead. Everyone's really excited to see what the Patina can do, and how about that The Shard? I'm really curious to see what happens when it all comes down to the line. Carbon’s had a great season, but the Patina had an unprecedented amount of success, and with their sponsorship by Opal, who knows what they're going to bring to the Finals? [trumpet playing First Call riff]
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over the radio] And speaking of Opal sponsorships The Nuts, let's cut to commercial.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over the radio] My favorite part, let's get paid. Oh yeah.
Kit: As the radio spot cuts to commercial, the sound of motorcycle engines passing each other very quickly with almost a Doppler effect sound through the radio and Birdie's voice cuts through the airwaves, sounding mildly not like herself, both due to the medium of radio and the fact that she's doing an advertisement and no one talks normally when they're on the radio.
Kit (as Birdie): [over the radio] Take life by the handlebars. My favorite way to make sure that the headlights don't flash too soon is with Opal Corp's safety tape. Reduce the jiggle no matter how you wiggle. Keep the airbags from deploying early. My name is Hellcat and I approve this message.
Sydney: As the commercial ends, Cassidy looks over to Birdie with an eyebrow raised, before the beginning of a jingle that she recognizes comes on and she looks off into the distance, expecting the next parts.
Kit: Birdie has her face in her hands.
Penn (as Marathon): No, that was good, Birdie. You did a good job.
Kit (as Birdie): Thanks. Yep.
Penn: [laugh] Marathon is patting her back.
Sydney: The soft chime of an elevator opening plays before we hear Cassidy's voice coming across the speakers.
Sydney (as Cassidy): [over the radio] Are you tired of living where people have lived before you? Do you want tile that's never seen the stains of previous tenants? Do you want to look out the windows and see the horizon instead of the city of Sasnak? Ascend to new heights in the new Crystal Canyon Constructions by Opal Corp. These luxury high rise buildings, still within the Crystal Canyon Dome, protected from weather, but you can imagine that the lands rolling by are only yours to experience. I'm Cassidy Shard and I can only dream of living in the Crystal Canyon Constructions.
Sydney: The elevator chime plays again as Cassidy squints her eyes.
Penn (as Marathon): Damn, Cassidy.
Kit (as Birdie): Ugh.
Sydney (as Cassidy): So fun being a puppet of the rich and privileged, isn't it?
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, that is not an enviable position, right there.
Cameron (as Emma): Have you ever wanted a home that hadn't been touched by filthy, filthy peasants? Well, have I got a deal for you . That's what that sounded like. [laugh]
Sydney (as Cassidy): The good news is I see every every night that we're on the road, I sleep in a place that no one has slept in before because I put my tent up.
Cameron (as Emma): That's true.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I don't know I -
Cameron (as Emma): Real big question here, though Cassidy - can you see the landscape from your tent?
Sydney (as Cassidy): If I climb a tree.
Cameron (as Emma): And can you pretend it's all for you?
Sydney (as Cassidy): I don't have that kind of entitlement.
Penn (as Marathon): You can only dream of it, I guess.
Cameron (as Emma): Well I guess you'll never live in the Crystal Whatever-the-heck-the-second-word-was.
Sydney (as Cassidy): This city's kind of fucked up.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah.
Cameron (as Emma): Mhm.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep, it's pretty bad, isn't it? [sad laugh]
Penn (as Marathon): And you did like eight different commercials like that? Sheesh, I guess we gotta listen to them all, right now.
Cameron (as Emma): [cackle]
Sydney (as Cassidy): Wow, playing back to back, your gonna be tired of hearing our voices. Yeah? All right, well, they said the analysis is over. That's all I needed to hear.
Penn (as Marathon): What no - Cassidy, we gotta listen to your interview. You cannot hide from this. You're gonna stay and you're gonna you're gonna give us some eye candy to go with the wonderful interview.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, you're gonna see me sitting here and making like the most unimpressed faces as they ask all about my childhood and 'how did I learn to X Bike?' 'What motivates me? '
Cameron (as Emma): 'What's your passion?'
Sydney (as Cassidy): Exactly.
Penn (as Marathon): 'You got a girl back home?' I bet you they asked that too.
Cameron (as Emma): You're like, 'Nah, I care- I carry her with me wherever I go.'
Penn (as Marathon): And then you were like, 'Yeah, I've got an awesome girlfriend.'
Sydney (as Cassidy): They actually asked if I had a guy back home.
Penn (as Marathon): Shit.
Kit (as Birdie): In a truck. [laugh]
Cameron (as Emma): Yep.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, hold on. Hold on. Y'all, I think it's coming back on.
Penn: And Marathon turns it up.
Nick: And as you all lean around the radio, you are interrupted by a knock on the door of the shipping container.
Penn (as Marathon): What? No~.
Sydney: Cassidy takes the opportunity to turn down the radio again.
Cameron (as Emma): Were we expecting somebody?
Kit (as Birdie): I'll get it.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Nona with cookies?
Nick: And Birdie as you go to the door of the shipping container and push it open, standing in the yellow wash of the porch light of the shipping container, you see none other but Councilor Wander in his dark robes, standing well back from the door, appearing to shift back and forth impatiently while waiting.
Kit: Birdie who has opened the door in a pair of pajamas registers who's in front of her goes
Kit (as Birdie): Ah!
Kit: And then almost shuts the door and stops herself and goes
Kit (as Birdie): [stuttering] Come in?
Nick (as Wander): Why thank you, Birdie. That's what I was hoping you would say.
Sydney: Cassidy has stood up and a throwing knife has appeared in her hand.
Kit (as Birdie): Okay...
Nick: Councilor Wander walks past Birdie into the room, sees the throwing knife, and very calmly, puts his hands up, showing that they are empty, and says,
Nick (as Wander): Now, now, no need for that. I'm just here to talk. I'm alone and unarmed.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay, talk.
Kit (as Birdie): Um, okay.
Sydney: Cassidy has not put the knife away and is looking prepared to take action.
Penn: Marathon has dropped her knuckles into her hand behind her back and slowly stands alongside Cassidy.
Kit: Vaus pours a cup of tea for Wander. [laugh]
Cameron: Emma crosses one leg over the other, leans back in her chair, looking very comfortable.
Cameron (as Emma): [overly friendly] How are you this evening, Wander?
Nick: I'm doing well. Thank you.
Cameron (as Emma): [her cheeks probably hurt from smiling] What brings you to our humble shipping container?
Nick (as Wander): I'm glad that you asked. [aside] Thank you.
Nick: And Wander takes the cup of tea from Vaus.
Nick (as Wander): Do you mind if I have a seat? It's quite a walk to find your way all the way up here from where I normally skulk, as it were.
Cameron (as Emma): [very perky] It sure is a lot of stairs. Pick any seat you like.
Nick (as Wander): Why thank you.
Nick: And Wander will slowly and unthreateningly and leaving plenty of space between himself and Cassidy and Marathon, who are armed and ready for action, will sit at the kitchen table and take a sip of the tea.
Nick (as Wander): Mm. This is delicious. Thank you.
Kit: Vaus will nod and then go back to their room while Birdie sits at the kitchen table across from Wander.
Sydney: Cassidy disappears her throwing knife.
Penn: Marathon, keeps her hands behind her back.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Are you here to make more family threats or, ?
Nick (as Wander): Oh, no, I think I'm quite done with that for now.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Good to know.
Nick (as Wander): I'm here because my curiosity has frankly gotten the better of me. You all are just so interesting.
Nick: And he claps to himself once and holds his hands together, almost in a benediction, before going back to holding his hands around the cup of tea.
Nick (as Wander): I just want to know more about you, and you all have been so careful about what you've revealed through your actions that I just thought I'd come and ask instead. I hope that's okay.
Kit (as Birdie): Yes, of course.
Sydney (as Cassidy): We have a radio interview going up right now.
Nick (as Wander): Yes, but I'm not much of a fan of the sterilized conversation that happens publicly. I am here for the nitty gritty, and I am willing to offer you something quite valuable in exchange to true answers to my questions.
Nick: He looks very smug, waiting for somebody to ask what the offer is.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] [perky friendly Barbie still] What's the offer?
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] [already over this nonsense] What's the offer?
Nick (as Wander): I've been around, and I know I've told Birdie this, a very, very long time, and I know quite a few things. And since I have questions, I know that you all must have questions, either about me or the city, and I'm prepared to answer them. One of the games, like from days of old, you answer my question, I answer yours. We take turns until someone gets bored or we run out of ideas. I'll even go first.
Kit (as Birdie): As in, you'll ask your question first or we can ask you a question first?
Nick (as Wander): As a show of good faith, ask me anything. I would be happy to demonstrate the value of the information that I could offer. I don't make this sort of offer to just anyone. You all have earned this by just being so darn thought provoking.
Kit (as Birdie): Okay. Um
Sydney: Cassidy has crossed her arms and is leaning against the wall on the other side of the room.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Opal thought she killed you and you didn't die. What happened?
Nick (as Wander): Ooh, starting out strong, I like it. Opal shot me multiple times. Unfortunately for her, my body doesn't respond the same way most do when they're injured. I can come back from quite a bit, which is part of my longevity. If you don't mind, could I see that knife you were holding a second ago?
Sydney: Cassidy reappears it and holds it up.
Nick: Wander will hold a hand out expectantly.
Sydney: Cassidy looks to Emma and Birdie, seeing as this is the first time that she's interacting with Wander directly.
Kit: Birdie shrugs because she is of the opinion that Wander is not dangerous in the weapons area.
Cameron: Emma gives a confident nod.
Sydney: Cassidy takes a couple of steps across the room and puts it on the table within reach.
Nick (as Wander): Thank you and thank you for demonstrating trust.
Nick: And Wander grabs the knife with one hand, sets his other hand flat on the table and slams the knife through his hand and into the table, and sits there for a second.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Fuck.
Cameron (as Emma): Oh my gosh!
Kit (as Birdie): That's a real - that's an old antique table.
Nick (as Wander): Oh, my apologies. I will -
Kit (as Birdie): It's okay. Just been in the family a long time.
Nick (as Wander): I will make sure that you are compensated for the damage. I just wanted to prove my point.
Nick: He grabs the handle of the knife and pulls it out of the table while leaving it in his hand, and holds it up, and you can see a thin runnel of what looks like thick milk where blood would be.
Kit (as Birdie): Ehh.
Cameron (as Emma): Oh, interesting. [oh look a science nerd]
Nick (as Wander): My body isn't entirely human and can take quite a bit of abuse.
Nick: And he pulls the knife out, and you can see that it looks like a wound, just the blood is the wrong color. And he shakes his hand out, doing a little spray of blood off to the side, and says
Nick (as Wander): That was just to show you with a demonstration. I am not trying to be vague here. I don't have a human body, and I don't have to worry about the same things that most people do.
Nick: And he sets the knife on the table, still with a thin sheen of this milky blood on it, and slides it back to where Cassidy first put it down.
Cameron: Emma reaches behind her and grabs a kitchen towel off of the counter and tosses it to Cassidy.
Sydney: Cassidy wipes the knife clean and the path that it left.
Kit: Birdie will lean forward and reach over to run her fingers over the stab wound on the table and say,
Kit (as Birdie): All right, so what's your question?
Nick (as Wander): Oh, I have so many, let me see.
Nick: And he taps at his cheek with the injured hand.
Nick (as Wander): Hmm. I think I'll be self indulgent and ask the question I'm most curious about, rather than the question that's probably the most helpful for me right now, what do you have in the back of your truck? The Ramp Girls have stopped me from doing any of my normal investigation for some reason, and I don't have full access to the security systems in that area. Why am I being stopped? And what do you have?
Sydney (as Cassidy): That's two questions.
Nick (as Wander): Answer the one you want most, and we'll go from there. What do you have in your truck?
Sydney: Cassidy retreats to the far wall and disappears the knife again.
Nick (as Wander): I can give you my word if you need further assurance, that I have no designs on taking anything from you.
Cameron (as Emma): No, I -
Nick (as Wander): This is purely curiosity.
Cameron (as Emma): Clarification on the question - like the inventory of the back of the truck? Because it's my workshop, and there's a whole heck of a lot of stuff.
Nick (as Wander): Come now. You have something back there that's extremely heavy. I may not have been able to see what's in that truck, but I saw the video of your approach to the city, and you're riding low. What do you have that weighs so much?
Cameron: Emma is gonna look to Cassidy to see if she can get an indication by making a slightly questioning face at her if she's cool with Emma answering.
Sydney: Cassidy gives a shrug towards Emma.
Cameron: Emma nods when Wander adds the clarification of knowledge that it is the heavy thing that he wants to know about and she leans forward on the table and sets her elbows down and says,
Cameron (as Emma): The heaviest thing in the back of the truck is going to be our mech.
Nick (as Wander): Oh~. I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't that. Very interesting. Oh, this is so much fun. Feel free to ask your next question.
Kit (as Birdie): You I assume you're wild tech. Are you - are you organic? Are you mechanical in nature, or both? I guess.
Nick (as Wander): That's a question that begins to border on the realm of the metaphysical I'm afraid. How to explain... it's a little bit of both. I was once, well, this body was once fully organic. If you were to have the right kinds of wild tech sensors and equipment, you would find that very little of it is organic anymore, but still follows the same layout. It's not something that you see very often. I won't say that I'm one of a kind, but I will say it's pretty damn close to anything else on this planet.
Sydney: Cassidy, keeping her expression blank, but she's comparing this to what she knew of Zee-o's origin.
Nick: So I would say, based on what you knew about Zee-o and what Pallie researched into Zee-o and shared with you, this sounds like taking a different road to get to the same destination. Zee-o was mechanical and was elegantly simple in their mechanisms, but was entirely inorganic, whereas it sounds like whatever this brand of synth is that Wander is claiming to be would have been more like a sourdough bread start to creating a body like this, but based on what you just saw and the stories you've heard, it sounds like Wander and Zee-o would have similar capabilities.
Nick (as Wander): So I guess it's my turn to ask a question again, isn't it? Now, if you feel that I'm not being detailed enough, or if that seems to be some sort of half truth, please feel free to ask further questions. I am here purely in good faith, and as long as that continues to be the case, I would love to alleviate any curiosity that you have much the way you are for me.
Cameron (as Emma): Of course.
Nick: Wander smiles, revealing his filed teeth, and it looks like he's trying to be friendly, but you can't tell if that doesn't come across as genuine because of his face and facial features, or because he's just not a friendly person. It's just too hard to tell, especially now that you know more about his origins, he just doesn't look human enough for his facial expressions to ring true. It's very uncanny valley for you.
Penn: As Marathon, who's stood unmoving more towards the center of the room in an intimidating presence as she sees this maybe genuine attempt at some sort of sincerity, and because it still creeps her out, she lets her hands down to her sides, showing that she's got these knuckles and just maintaining her strong presence. And she asks to the Patina specifically,
Penn (as Marathon): Well, do we want to ask anything that would give us an advantage in the race y'all?
Penn (as Marathon): Um,
Cameron (as Emma): Well, it's his turn again.
Penn (as Marathon): Shoot.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, it's his turn. But also, I don't know if he has anything of that nature. Maybe.
Nick (as Wander): Feel free to ask whatever you like, and if I don't feel I can give you an effective answer that won't be a waste of the question.
Kit (as Birdie): You're being very giving.
Penn (as Marathon): Do we need to ask any more questions, y'all? I mean, I know he's got a question up, but
Kit (as Birdie): I have more questions.
Penn (as Marathon): [stressed sigh] Okay.
Penn: Marathon gives a little tilt of her head.
Nick (as Wander): Oh, now it's my turn again. Let's see my question for the Patina is, why are you trying so hard on this X Bike circuit? It seems like a strange set of employment opportunities for a mercenary company such as yourselves. You could do something easier and probably make more money than working for Opal in this way, and yet you keep taking these risks.
Penn (as Marathon): I feel like this one's easy. Can I take this one, y'all?
Cameron (as Emma): Sure?
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, we want to win that trophy!
Penn: Marathon gives a self satisfied smile as while she's still standing, her shoulders relaxed just a little bit.
Nick: Time for a contested roll.
Kit: Can Birdie provide assistance by further explaining Marathon's answer?
Nick: Sure.
Kit: Birdie will add on.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, it's it's also a nostalgia thing, of course, being that my family has been involved in X Bike racing for quite a few years now. It felt only right that I should continue the legacy. I mean, Zan always wanted to be the champion.
Nick: Okay, so I need Marathon's Deception score, but you can swap out either the training level or the Cunning level from Birdie, since it's an assisted check.
Penn: I don't have any training, but I have three Cunning so
Kit: I have two yellows and a green in Deception.
Nick: So you'll be rolling two yellows and a green versus three reds.
[dice rolling]
Penn: One success and one advantage.
Nick: Okay, good job. So the advantage you could either just save that and it could be a blue die, in case you all need it later in the scene, or it can be that Wander will feel more positively towards you, like he likes this answer, not just that he believes it.
Penn: I like the advantage that, along with Marathon asking about the race, that it kind of furthers the agenda that they're really just invested in being really good sports people.
Nick: Wander looks at your face very intently Marathon, and then looks to Birdie for a second before nodding to himself.
Nick (as Wander): Yes, I suppose that does make sense. Our pasts do tend to catch up with us, and I'm not surprised that the great Marathon Messenger of Tree All Chainsaws fame would want to continue her sports career.
Penn (as Marathon): No, shucks. You got my trading card?
Nick (as Wander): Several of my employees are huge fans. Maybe later, you could do a meet and greet.
Penn (as Marathon): As long as it's not with that horse guy again. .
Nick (as Wander): Oh, no, I try not to associate with people like that. Well, that's, I will admit, more simple than I expected, but I appreciate your honesty. Your turn. If you have any more questions, now's the time.
Penn (as Marathon): Y'all I say we end it here, but Birdie, it's your call. You got the questions?
Kit (as Birdie): Does anyone else have any questions?
Kit: And she'll mainly look at Cassidy. In the meantime, Birdie will say with a little innocent shrug, just
Kit (as Birdie): You know, honestly, I think we're a lot more boring than you give us credit for.
Nick (as Wander): Oh no, I don't think so. I'm already having fun just watching everyone's different reaction to me acting differently than you may have expected.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, when you don't set expectations for something that is a rather unpredictable force makes it a lot easier.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, honestly, I've kind of just been expecting the unexpected.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Cameron (as Emma): That seems to be working out pretty well so far.
Nick (as Wander): Very wise. Extremely wise, beyond your years.
Cameron (as Emma): All right, Wander, I have a question. You've mentioned your longevity in a previous answer. What exactly is the definition of longevity in this context? How long have you been around?
Nick (as Wander): Hmm. I have to admit, I have not been asked personal questions in a long time.
Cameron (as Emma): If it's if it's gonna take a bit to figure out an answer, a guesstimate works as well.
Nick (as Wander): I've been around long enough that counting the exact years is difficult, but what I can say is that I arrived on this world when the moon was broken.
Kit (as Birdie): Holy shit.
Nick (as Wander): So you could say I was one of the first to walk this world when it was new.
Cameron (as Emma): All right, we're talking very long longevity then?
Nick (as Wander): Yes.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay.
Penn (as Marathon): Always this moon fall.
Nick (as Wander): It's a benefit of my particular situation. I'm going to be honest, I was a little worried you were going to ask about what Carbon's torque ratio was or something like that. So I'm glad we're continuing to surprise.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, no.
Penn (as Marathon): [hissed] See, I told you we should have asked about that kind of stuff y'all.
Cameron (as Emma): Why? I've watched his bike.
Kit (as Birdie): I don't think that's what's important right now.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, no, I, look - I've got the mechanics down. I'm good. I don't need to know about Carbon's bike.
Penn (as Marathon): You are good, Emma.
Kit (as Birdie): [sigh]
Cameron (as Emma): Not what I meant, but thank you.
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle]
Nick (as Wander): Is my answer satisfactory? May I ask another question?
Cameron (as Emma): I believe so yes. Thank you.
Nick: Wander takes a slow sip of tea and sets it down, making a face of enjoyment.
Nick (as Wander): Have you ever interacted with someone in the Advantia named Susan?
Kit: Birdie laughs outright. Just
Kit (as Birdie): [stressed laughter]
Sydney: Cassidy's eyebrow flicks downward before she catches it
Nick: Wander, tilts his head slightly.
Cameron (as Emma): Yep.
Nick (as Wander): Oh, you have?
Cameron (as Emma): Mhm.
Kit (as Birdie): Susan? There's someone in the Advantia named Susan?
Cameron (as Emma): There is someone in the Advantia named Susan.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, my god I totally forgot!
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah...
Cameron (as Emma): They don't all -
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well you weren't there to see it. So
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah they don't all have cool names.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, it was - well, Ren and Ciphera mentioned Susan.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah she's got that Spoon River song, Birdie.
Nick (as Wander): Wonderful. It's good to know you might be one of her projects, and that explains a lot. Thank you.
Kit (as Birdie): Uh,
Kit: Birdie will raise her hand up.
Kit (as Birdie): Projects?
Penn (as Marathon): Is that your question?
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] [sounds like she's going to throw something at Marathon] No that is not my question!
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] Yeah, I'm fine with that being the next question actually.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah actually, I think we need to - I think we should, we should dive into this further. What do you know about Susan's projects?
Nick (as Wander): Oh, you put me in a difficult position Birdie. I'm not entirely sure that this is my secret to tell.
Cameron (as Emma): We won't tell anybody, promise.
Nick (as Wander): A question so I know in what direction to reveal information. How important to the Advantia do you think Susan is?
Kit (as Birdie): Middle management. Like she's she's in charge of stuff, but not -
Cameron (as Emma): Boss lady.
Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.
Nick (as Wander): Okay. I would say that you are most of the way there. She - the Advantia itself has some issues of organization that I can't approve of. They are not as coordinated as they would like everyone to believe. Susan is one of the major players, and she has a tendency to adopt people who might upend the status quo. What happens from there tends to be left in the project's hands themselves, but if you've drawn her interest and you've interacted with her directly, I would expect to see her again, if I were you.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, I would, I would say 'left in the project's hands with too little information' does sound about right.
Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.
Cameron: It is, it is possible Emma is trying to drop breadcrumbs to make it seem like an interesting thing to ask about.
Nick (as Wander): All right, my next question is, you were headed west when you intersected with the city. I presume that that will be where you continue on when you leave us. Are you seeking anything in particular out west? What made you choose that direction?
Kit: Birdie will smile a little bit and say,
Kit (as Birdie): Well, I mean, you know that I used to live here, and it was - I spent a really long time not coming back because I couldn't reach my family over radio waves, and so when I finally got a hold of them a couple of months ago, and the Patina was willing to work with me and take me along, and we wound up at Sasnak it was really a happy occasion that we were able to find Sasnak at all, given its unpredictability, of course. And you know, out west, we also have, you know, other ties. I mean, Cassidy has family out in Quirk.
Sydney: Cassidy looks a little bit pained.
Cameron (as Emma): The direction we leave in will probably depend on which way the city's heading when it's time for us to leave, though, because -
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle]
Cameron (as Emma): - it sure does seem to be changing its mind a lot.
Nick (as Wander): That it does.
Nick: Make me a Deception check Birdie. You can have a blue die for the half truths and Cassidy being uncomfortable, and it is against three reds.
Kit: Birdie will be rolling two yellows, one green, one blue and three reds. Two failures, but two advantages.
Nick (as Wander): Hmm. Now you wouldn't be interfering with the sanctity of this sacred exchange of information by holding back information, would you Birdie?
Kit (as Birdie): Of course, not. Those really are our intentions. I mean, anything past that -
Sydney (as Cassidy): Birdie's got a romantic partner, an ex romantic partner in Quirk.
Kit: Birdie eye twitches almost completely shut for two seconds.
Cameron: Emma leans forward dramatically towards Wander and goes,
Cameron (as Emma): [dramatic whisper] It's Cassidy's sister.
Kit (as Birdie): [stressed and gay panicked laughter] Yeah.
Kit: And Birdie is bright red, tip to nose, tip of ears -red.
Nick (as Wander): Well, that's disappointing.
Kit (as Birdie): Like I said, more boring than you thought.
Nick (as Wander): I guess so. Well, I think I've learned enough and should be going. I thank you all for your time, and wish you luck in the race.
Nick: And Wander stands to leave.
Kit (as Birdie): Well um, yep.
Kit: Birdie will usher Wander towards the door and say,
Kit (as Birdie): Yep, thanks for dropping by.
Cameron (as Emma): Before you leave, this this doesn't count as the question, but do you eat real food?
Nick (as Wander): [overlapping] Yes.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] Because - [end overlap] Okay, cool. Would you like a cookie? [laugh]
Penn (as Marathon): [so sad in the background] Why? No.
Kit (as Birdie): We have so many.
Nick (as Wander): I would absolutely love a cookie.
Cameron (as Emma): All right.
Cameron: Emma stands up from the chair and turns around to the counter and pulls out the platter of cookies from Nona of multiple different flavors.
Nick: Wander grabs two snickerdoodles off of the tray, takes a bite of one, nods very seriously and appreciatively and puts the other one in his pocket and says,
Nick (as Wander): Thank you for your hospitality.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep.
Cameron (as Emma): Hopefully that's enough fuel to get you down the stairs again.
Nick (as Wander): I appreciate the consideration.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep, have a good night.
Nick: And as you usher Wander out of the door, the last thing you see is his dark cloak disappearing into the Sasnak night.
Kit (as Birdie): Who the fuck even wears cloaks anymore? Like, seriously.
Kit: That's as she closes the door.
Penn: Marathon, flops back down into the chair, pushes the biggest breath out, and then excitedly tries to turn the dial on, only to hear an ad.
Penn (as Marathon): [so pained] And he made me miss the god damn radio interview.
Sydney: Cassidy hasn't moved from her spot on the wall, and she's looking very deep in thought.
Kit (as Birdie): That that was freaky. Um, [concerned laugh]
Penn (as Marathon): No way that guy is that old.
Kit (as Birdie): I don't I don't know. Dang it. I wish I got to ask about the city. [sigh]
Cameron (as Emma): I am of the the technical opinion that, based on what I saw here today, very well could be possible that he is, in fact, that old.
Penn (as Marathon): Ugh.
Cameron (as Emma): He said he arrived when the moon shattered.
Penn (as Marathon): This city is fucked.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I don't think -
Cameron (as Emma): That's, that's, that's what he said. He arrived when the moon shattered, right?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Mhm.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep.
Nick: Emma, why don't you make me a daunting Wild Tech roll.
Cameron: Gonna flip a Story Point to upgrade.
Sydney: Can Emma have a blue die because Cassidy had relayed the information from the consoles in Erie Data Transformations, talking about the moon?
Nick: Yeah. That is a good point. You can have a blue die for that.
Cameron: Alrighty. So for this Wild Tech roll, I am rolling two yellows, two greens, a blue and four purples.
[dice rolling]
Cameron: One success, four threats, and a triumph.
Nick: Huh. So I think the threats mean you're not going to be entirely confident in this answer. You're going to have an idea, but you're not necessarily fully bought into it. It feels very much like a theory to you. So what exactly are you asking? Just so I make sure I like answer it.
Cameron: So the information that Emma is pondering and trying to put together is that he said that he is both partially organic and partially wild tech mechanical. He arrived on this earth when the moon shattered, and the body that he's in used to be organic and is not anymore and also combining in the milk blood and the healing factor, just trying to mush all that together to identify what Wander be.
Nick: Based on everything that Wander said, and filling in what you know of wild tech and the timing and exact wording of what he said when you asked where he came from, you think that Wander was probably originally human and some sort of wild tech infected him and basically took over the body in some way or another. You don't know exactly how that would have gone, but since he said that he used to be organic, and now he's clearly not, you have some ideas of some sort of evolutionary process that could have created what Wander is now, and the fact that he said he arrived when the moon broke, the only thing you can extrapolate from that makes any sense is that probably that technology came from the moon, or had something to do with the moon.
Cameron: So for my Triumph, I would like to be able to salvage what we have available to us at this moment so that I can continue my pondering and theorizing and experimenting to figure out this mystery that is techno Wander, and I would like to collect all of the for lack of a better term, milk blood that was left on the table and in the towel that removed it from the knife so that I can study its properties.
Nick: Okay, yeah. You are able to scrape together enough of a sample that hasn't dried or been contaminated that over time, you'll be able to do some analysis there. You might learn some very interesting things. Great use of a Triumph.
Cameron (as Emma): This looks super gross in a test tube.
Kit: Birdie has been standing next to Emma while she does this, and will go,
Kit (as Birdie): Ew ew ewewewewewew.
Cameron (as Emma): Well, that was stressful. Does anyone else want a cookie?
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, most definitely. God, Cassidy - can we just reenact the interview?
Kit (as Birdie): [surprised giggles]
Sydney: Cassidy is still leaning against the wall, still not having moved, trying to put together her own pieces of what just transpired.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, hey, Cass, are you all right? Do you need a some space? Do you want a group hug?
Sydney (as Cassidy): No, I'm just thinking.
Cameron (as Emma): She's blue screening. She'll be fine in a sec.
Penn (as Marathon): For sure.
Nick: And as you continue through the evening, you can't help but wonder if, with all of the answers you received, did it create more questions?
[hurdy gurdy music swells]
Outro:
Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.
This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:
Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.
Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.
You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
Until you tune back…
…stay bold and stay kind