The Patina does some proper heist prep for once.
The Patina does some proper heist prep for once.
Cast:
- Marathon Messenger is played by Penn Van Batavia. She can be found on Twitter at @acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram at @john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE *IT* OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
- Cassidy Shard is played by Sydney Whittington. She is our wonderful editor. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast. Find her on Twitter at @sydney_whitt.
- Emma Blackwood is played by Cameron Robertson. Find her on Twitter at @midnightmusic13 and on Instagram at @reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
- Birdie Foundling is played by Kit Adames. Find her on Twitter at @venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor and writer on Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
- Our GM and narrator is Nick Robertson. Find him on Twitter at @alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron and can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
Music & Sound Credits:
- This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
- old radio Channel search sound effect by Garuda1982. Link & License.
- Walking on Airvent.wav by SiyaMahlobo. Link & License.
- Dry grinds 3.wav by crazy_freerider. Link & License.
- Smiling Turtle (ID 2003) by Lobo Loco. Link & License.
Art Credits:
- The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @rashedjrs.
Find Us Online:
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A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript
Season 3 Episode 35: Competence is Sexy
Transcript by Cameron Robertson
Intro:
[hurdy gurdy music begins]
Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –
Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.
Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.
Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.
Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.
Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.
Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:
Hey, quick exercise. Check your pockets real fast for me, or if you don’t have any, your bag or the cupholders next to you. Under the loose change and the lip balm? That’s a metaphorical token of our appreciation for you. Keep it with you, and evil spirits will think twice before bothering you, because you’re that awesome. And if they still bother you, just tell them you’re under Editor Sydney’s protection and they’ll have to think a third time.
And if they’re especially stubborn, change tacks and ask them to consider backing our Patreon, which gives them access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards. They’ll be so confused (and perhaps even enticed by the hours of additional content) that you can slip out the back.
And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 35: Competence is Sexy. And so…
“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches
To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”
[hurdy gurdy music ends]
[electronic beeping]
[robotic powerup noise begins]
Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.
[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]
[over radio]
Sydney (as Cassidy): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, we swung by Opal’s office to be lavished in praise for our performance in the last race. Sounds like as long as we keep doing well (which I’m surprised doesn’t actually have to mean individually winning every race), she’ll handle the favors and discussions necessary to get us into the finals without looking too entirely slimy. Only a few more weeks until we get that trophy and Winifred can clean out all the spooky AI crap in the Knight. Hopefully.
In the meantime, we’re gonna be infiltrating Ramp Girls HQ. Birdie jumped on it right away, but before we go blindly running in, we’re gonna have to get a lot more info about the target, and a lot more of a plan than our last “adventure”.
Speaking of which, Emma and I went shopping, and in exchange for her fashion advice, she got my side of the story of what all happened there. We also got caught up on Marathon’s attempt to define our relationship, which really just ended in deciding we were going to be exclusive and then not change anything else. Like, I appreciate the sentiments of wanting to pursue me and reduce ambiguity, but I’m not sure we actually accomplished much of that second one. Oh well.
[radio static]
Penn (as Marathon): [reading a letter] Dear Nana, I wasn’t sure how to start this other than I’m sorry for not writing to you sooner.
Life has changed a lot. I’m not a derby star anymore. I thought I would be sadder writing that. Luna and I aren’t together anymore. Haven’t been for a while. My fault. I was on the radio for a while but it wasn’t for me either. I kind of made a mess of things in Tree All.
This last year has been strange, in a good way though. A group of travelers picked me up for some squares. I may have started something up with one of em. I started to work with them more, doing deliveries and good things for folks. They’ve really become like another family to me, more than any team has before. We’re hunting for treasure out West, something I heard about on the radio waves. I know we worked hard to get me to Tree All, and I know this isn’t the plan we or Dad had for me, but I hope, no I think you would be proud of the woman i’ve become. I’m so grateful for this second chance, I just wish you’re able to see it, Nana.
How has Incantation been? Are the Canary Corp still taking good care of you? How have you been? I miss your voice and your hugs. I miss watching you read and feeding your pond fish. I miss your Chicken n grits and even your Crusty Casserole. I miss the smoke of your menthol Boromans, the buzz of timber wasps outside, shouting at bare boxing with you, sun leaking through your worn flannel curtains - I miss everything, Nana.
I really miss you.
I don’t think we’re going to stay in Sasnak Traveling much longer, which means we’ll be on the road. I want to visit you someday soon. I really want you to meet these folks I’m traveling with. I think you’d really get along.
Once and always your Marigold,
Marathon Messenger
[radio static]
Episode Start:
Nick: Opal didn't give the Patina a specific timeline for when they needed to complete this job, but you all realize that it would make more sense to do it before your race schedule gets as busy as it's going to in the next couple of weeks. You have allocated a few days to collect information on your target of the Ramp Girls headquarters, and you have some time to divide and conquer, collecting information and prepping for the job, casing the joint, as it were. The Ramp Girls HQ is a multi story facility, some of it extends up above the main platform of Sasnak Traveling. It is a short distance from the ramp itself, connected by tunnels within the city and a overland route towards the same parking facility where the Patina has left the rig. Birdie has seen enough of it to know that it is a multi use facility with it seems different wings and rooms and while the control center that Karma took Birdie to originally is a couple of levels down under the main platform of the city and on the edge so that it can look out, this large building that the Ramp Girls have secured for themselves does extend several stories above the platform as well. It is three stories tall and goes down several stories into what would be the Guts if it wasn't self contained. What do you all do to prepare for stealing this information from the Ramp Girls?
Sydney: Cassidy's role in the scouting of this - while they've been on Sasnak, she's been taking some odd jobs, not unlike those which the Foundlings took as younger kids, doing the very high and tight space maintenance jobs that don't necessarily need a lot of technical skill but aren't well suited to those who can't handle the exposure - and in this case, with the help of some small schedule changes made possible by Winifred, she's picked up a shift cleaning ducts for the air recycling facilities going in and out of the Ramp Girls HQ. So we see her down, climbing through a large passable by humans but not walkable upright vent. She's got on her construction knee pads and she's cleaning dust out of the vents with the characteristic large, metallic sounds of traversing across the sheet metal. But as she's going and doing this honest job, she's also keeping track of the dimensions and the measurements as she works her way through the vent system, at least up to the edge of the controlled perimeter where uncleared personnel aren't allowed, and begins to construct her own map of one potential way in and out of the building and the accessibility and the ability for stealth.
Nick: So go ahead and make me a hard Stealth check, but you can have a blue die because you have a good cover as actually working for these duct cleaners.
Sydney: Cassidy has one rank in Stealth, but it is Agility, so I'll be rolling one yellow and four greens against three purples plus the blue.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: Four successes.
Nick: Great with four successes, you're not able to map all of the vents through the whole building, but you are able to get fairly far into what would normally be a controlled area without being detected or worrying about being detected even, so you have a pretty comprehensive map of the duct system and what's traversable and how to crawl through the ducts making as little noise as possible, because you had lots of time to practice.
Sydney: Being out in the areas where it didn't matter if she was heard, **was practice to get down the technique to move through making less noise for the other areas.
Nick: So yeah, if you want to do duct work, you feel very prepped for that. You don't necessarily know exactly where each duct leads as far as how it connects to your objective, but you can guess pretty well. You're not going to lose a lot of time putting in the last couple of legs of that journey for sure.
Sydney: Later that day, the group sees Cassidy, very dusty, but with a journal packed full of good notes and diagrams as she returns to the shipping container.
Nick: So as a dusty, but well informed Cassidy makes her way back to the base of operations, what is Birdie’s plan to contribute?
Kit: Birdie's plan for prepping for the specific mission involves getting a few supplies to assist their stealth needs and make them look the part of the Ramp Girls, thanks to a friend of Vaus' that Birdie has been sent to track down. And we see Birdie in basically the back of Merchant's Alley - the actual proper alleys between the levels of businesses, and if you go far back enough, you'll find a few more sketchy places that the normal folk of Sasnak Traveling and tourists do not know about or do not acknowledge.
Nick: Yeah. So your point of contact you're introduced to by Vaus, they are a surprisingly muscular, fairly short, very broad shouldered, non binary person with their head shaved and geometric patterns tattooed into their scalp. They have a dermal piercing in their cheekbone and just the wickedest grin when you enter the room to talk to them. This building looks like a dry cleaner. It has the counter with the hanging rack next to it, and there appear to be racks in the back of the room, but you can see that there also seems to be like a costume shop or something in the back of this building. There isn't a dividing wall, but there's a lot of sewing material and raw textiles and half finished clothes everywhere. And I need you to make a - this is probably a Charm check or, I guess it could be Streetwise - whichever one you want.
Kit: Probably Streetwise.
Nick: Okay, so Streetwise, it'll be hard, but you get a blue die because you have used a contact with Vaus to already have an in with this person.
Kit: I do also have the talent Know Somebody that reduces an item's rarity by one rank, if that factors into anything?
Nick: Yeah, I think it definitely does. So it's only going to be an average check. So you have the blue die because Vaus introduced you, and that Talent makes it easier to find contraband. What a great idea.
Kit: So I will be rolling three yellows, one blue, and two purple. That is one success and three advantages.
Nick: Great. So you are able to get as many uniforms as you need. Some of them are going to need to be custom made. With those advantages you make this contact with this person, you work well enough that you think they would probably help you with something else if you had to ask.
Nick (as Viper): My name's Viper, by the way. I think I could probably get you what you need.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah? Um
Nick (as Viper): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): Great.
Nick (as Viper): Any friend of Vaus is a friend of mine.
Nick: And they wink at you.
Kit (as Birdie): I'm glad to hear that. I definitely will take you up on that in the future, I think
Nick (as Viper): It's good to hear. And I'm here at all hours if you ever need anything. Clearly, you know where to find me. And I don't need to know anything about what these uniforms will be used for. I imagine it's some sort of costume party.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah!
Nick (as Viper): We do a lot of costume parties.
Kit (as Birdie): Of course. [giggle]
Nick: They smile more broadly at you and you see that their canines are capped with silver and are longer than normal, like they have tooth implants.
Kit (as Birdie): [so so high - the gay panic really popped off here] Okay bye now!
Nick: And as Birdie retreats with a secured promise of Ramp Girl uniforms, what is Emma doing while collecting information?
Cameron: Emma has entered the garage where the rig is currently parked to go and visit their BFF Riley, the Ramp Girl who gave the tip on the super duper cool nail polish shop. And had made plans with Riley to go and hang out after their shift ended, but is going to where she knows that they're currently stationed before the shift officially ends, so that she is there whenever it's time for Riley to go clock out and everything and leave. She has skipped up over to the table at the front of the garage where Riley has been awaiting people coming in and needing parking.
Nick: As you approach Riley, what new style of nails do they have that catches your eye? I think they've done something very different this time.
Cameron: They are silver chrome, long coffin nails - truly look like metal, but nails, but not like the metal type of nails, like fingernails.
Nick: They twiddle their very shiny fingers at you as you walk up.
Nick (as Riley): Oh, hey, Emma! Yeah, I'm about to get off shift. Good timing.
Cameron (as Emma): Ooh!
Cameron: Emma as she's reached the table has just reached out and grabbed one of Riley's hands from where they were twiddling their fingers, and just like turning their hand in the light, catching it.
Cameron (as Emma): Whoa, those are so neat.
Nick (as Riley): Yeah, they're not as durable as they look. They're they're really a statement piece, I think.
Cameron (as Emma): How often do you have to shine them to get them to stay like this? I feel like I'd be smudging them constantly.
Nick (as Riley): They stay shiny. The problem is that the shine rubs off over time, so it's more like refreshing it than polishing.
Cameron (as Emma): Oh~. So kind of like an aging mirror?
Nick (as Riley): Yeah, and the tarnish look is good too, so I don't do it all the time.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay, cool. Well, yeah, I know you're about to get off shift, but we had said that we were gonna meet at the front of Ramp Girl Headquarters, and I realized as I was getting ready I don't actually know where that is, so I came here instead. [laughs]
Nick: Okay, so I'll give you a choice. If it's an average check and you succeed, you'll get a direct route from here to the front. If you make it a hard check, you can convince Riley to give you a little bit of a tour and see much more of the building on your way through. And it's going to be Charm.
Cameron: Okay, I'll try for a hard. I want to get good info on it. I am going to flip a Story Point because I am telling the truth - I do legitimately have no idea where the headquarters front doors are, but also, Presence is not my strong suit and I only have one rank in Charm.
Nick: So that'll be a hard check to try to convince Riley to give you the tour, but you will get a blue die because you already have a relationship with them over a mutual love of cool fingernails.
Cameron: Yep. So with my upgrade, that puts me at two yellows and a blue against three purples.
[dice rolling]
Cameron: A Triumph and a success.
Nick: Wow. Okay, I think with that roll, Riley's the one that suggests it, so it's even less suspicious. And so Riley suggests a tour and says,
Nick (as Riley): Well, as long as we're making our way to the front, what if I show you around headquarters a little bit? People do that sometimes. Often is some people do it as, like a date move,
Cameron (as Emma): Huh.
Nick (as Riley): - which I've always thought is a little weird. I just want to show you where I work as like a friend thing. I don't know who would take somebody to the office to be like, 'Look how cool I am. Isn't this attractive?' But some people do.
Nick: And Riley rolls their eyes.
Cameron (as Emma): It's like a instead of a take your kid to work day, like a take your date to work day? That's kind of weird.
Nick (as Riley): Yeah. I guess if someone identifies really strongly with their job, that it's a way to show themselves being competent and everybody knows competence is sexy. I just, I don't think I would do it.
Cameron (as Emma): I mean it makes sense if it's someone, like, if, if you're in a long term relationship with somebody and like, this is your job. You're - it's obviously going to come up in conversation a lot, like showing off where you work makes sense, but as a date activity? That's odd.
Nick (as Riley): Agreed.
Cameron (as Emma): But yeah, if it's if it's if it's easier for for you and you've got stuff that you need to do, I I am happy to go a wandering with you.
Nick (as Riley): All right. Well, let's take a look around, shall we?
Nick: And Riley takes you not to every part of the building, but you do make some extra turns to see more of the building than you would if you just took a straight shot, including you go all the way to the furthest down basement, because Riley wants to show you where they've sealed off the entrances to the Guts to make this building self contained. So you now know for sure that this building has four basement floors as well as the three floors that go up above ground. So you know that. Is there something specific you would like to use that Triumph on as long as you are getting a guided tour of the place you're trying to rob?
Cameron: I would like to be able to take meticulous notes in my head of any technological security measures that I notice.
Nick: Yeah. So you notice that there are quite a few electronic locks on certain doors that you don't go in, and that there are periodic security cameras. With that Triumph, Riley points out that about half of the security cameras - they're the black plastic domes that hide the camera - and Riley points out that about half of those are empty and don't actually have cameras. They just look like they're cameras. The Ramp Girls have cannibalized some of them to make sure the other ones still work. So there is a security network, but it is not top of the line. And you are able to make your way through the facility - Emma you get a pretty good map of where things are. Of your objectives, you are able to either see signage or see the entrance to two out of the three of the objectives that you know you are going to have to do in this building, so that is very, very helpful, and you have the gist of where the other one would be. The last thing we see of you and Riley is leaving the front security checkpoint, Riley vouching for you, and you skipping off to go on an adventure together. And as Emma heads off on her friend date with Riley, Marathon, how are you preparing for the upcoming theft from the Ramp Girls?
Penn: We see some beams in the Eaves with the quiet noise of the wind moving through before sparks start flying as skaters grind over this beam and throughout this chunk of the Eaves, laughing and rolling around as Marathon swoops past as well on her grav skates in this gaggle of skaters jumping from rooftop to rooftop. She gives a signal up to the skaters, just her thumb and her pinky out as a signal to pause, and they stop on top of a roof of a building, and she kneels down to look over the top of the building towards - is it towering, this Ramp Girls Headquarters?
Nick: So from where you are, it is much shorter because you are up so high. There are other tall buildings, but this building is one of the taller ones. I think there's one building that's about five stories tall in this area, but the Ramp Girl Headquarters is three.
Penn: We see Marathon crouched down to peer over the roof of this building. She's trying to get an angle on the Ramp Girls Headquarters, which is much farther below them and about a half mile away. From this angle, she still can't see the entrance or any of the exits possible through some of Cassidy's early mapping that she's called so far. So Marathon gives the signal.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay, I think we need to find a new one. Anybody else got a suggestion?
Penn: Marathon turns to these skaters who she's enlisted in helping her find a good angle on the Ramp Girls Headquarters. They don't know much, but they do know that she needs to be able to see a few different points of entry and exit.
Nick: This group of skaters look almost like a subsidiary or a different branch of the team that Cassidy and Birdie faced recently on the X Bike circuit and one of the leaders of this skate group - there's no de facto leader, but one of the more popular ones, whose name is Acid Mouth, nods in agreement and says,
Nick (as Acid Mouth): Yeah, all right. Well we could uh, if we grind this way and stay on this ledge, it's it's a long way down, but we should get a better angle.
Nick: And jumps up, kicks off and rockets out of view, down a very steep, small ledge towards a different vantage point up in the eaves of this building.
Penn: Marathon follows suit, and as they arrive at this second vantage point, she slides sideways to a stop, crouches down before realizing she doesn't even need to crouch down to see exits and entries from this point. Makes a quick scan and looks at the rest of this crew and gives a smile and nod.
Penn (as Marathon): I think this is the one. Thanks.
Nick (as Acid Mouth): Yeah, it's a good line.
Penn (as Marathon): ScavengeHERs!
Penn: And she gives their little signal with her thumb and her pinky.
Nick: There's a series of hoots and hollers as people do tricks in place. They are all very hype. They're feeling the hype. And I need you to do me a check about how dangerous this is going to be. So this will be a hard Perception check. You get a blue die because you as well, have called in some favors with contacts that you have cultivated here in Sasnak. The Perception check is to see exactly what sort of skating line from this vantage point to an entry point you could take and avoid lines of sight from others and how dangerous that is.
Penn: Since she's tired from skating all day, she's gonna stick with this spot, whether it's super dangerous or not. So I am rolling three purple, three greens, and a blue.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Two successes and two threats.
Nick: Great. So you are able to identify a solid line that would take you from here, which you're able to get to without arousing any suspicion - there's skaters up here all the time - to an entry point in the Ramp Girls Headquarters. Those threats are that there are multiple jumps along the way. There is no straight shot. You are going to have to do some fairly risky maneuvers on the way there that could potentially lead to injury or a very loud crash, depending on what happens.
Penn: And that's something that Marathon has lots of experience with. She makes a note to get a lawn chair and some binoculars, high fives the rest of this crew, before whispering a little bit with Acid Mouth and heading out back to the shipping container, riding along the rest of these rooftops and beams.
Nick: Next, we see the Patina and Juno gathered around a table in the upper floor of Reed's Books. The windows are shuttered and a single light bulb illuminates the table where plans and maps have been scrawled by each person's intel gathering. The air is slightly smokey and the atmosphere is close and charged as the Patina goes over their plan for a heist.
Sydney: Cassidy sits at the middle of the table, her maps looking a lot more polished than would maybe have been strictly necessary. She looks around the table and goes
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay, as we learned on our last job, we're going to make sure that we clearly understand everything as we go into this one to make sure we're all - everyone's good, including me. So since we're doing things tomorrow, we're gonna go around and make sure that everyone has the same understanding of what their role is. Let's start with Emma.
Cameron (as Emma): Hello. My name is Emma, and I will be playing the role of Ramp Girl.
Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.
Penn (as Marathon): Mm. Mm.
Cameron (as Emma): I will be entering the stage from the short term parking garage and making my way to somewhere about the first and second floors above ground to locate the security procedures.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Perfect. And your your method of copying?
Nick: From out of the shadows, Juno steps forward into the circle of light.
Nick (as Juno): Well, luckily, I have this little wild tech beauty that I am happy to donate to the cause.
Nick: And Juno holds up a small white box with a slot on one side.
Nick (as Juno): If you enter documents into here, it'll make you a copy. Pretty handy, huh?
Nick: And he sets the box on the table and puts two hands and leans in towards the group.
Sydney (as Cassidy): And there's - that's the behavior it has, right?
Nick (as Juno): Yes.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Like it - there's no secret timers or anything?
Nick (as Juno): No - except the one. But we - nah, I'm just kidding. No, it copies documents. The end.
Cameron (as Emma): And and we will be doing a trial run before we go so that I know exactly how to work it.
Sydney (as Cassidy): That's what I like to hear.
Sydney: And Cassidy takes a sip of her fresh chai tea from the tea shop downstairs.
Sydney (as Cassidy): All right, Birdie?
Kit (as Birdie): Okay, so Juno and I will be entering from the Guts together, and we will be dropping Juno off at a camera room, likely between shifts that we've observed of the whoever's on camera detail for the Ramp Girls. And then I will be on locating and getting the procedure documents with Emma for Emma to copy, and I'll be there in case of need of distraction. If Karma comes or someone else comes, I can cause a distraction.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Sounds good. And Marathon - holding a smoking cigarette in this room with windows closed.
Penn (as Marathon): I thought it was good for the ambiance.
Kit (as Birdie): Um.
Penn: And Marathon is leaning back in her chair, two legs on the ground, her feet crossed on the table.
Penn (as Marathon): Uh [clears throat] My name is Marathon, aka Crash Out, a skater hanging out on the Eaves, until all of a sudden, jumping around off rooftops, diving down and rolling up the up the wall to the top floor of Ramp Girls Headquarters. I become Crash Out the Ramp Girl in my Ramp Girl outfit, and where I will be acquiring entry and exit ramp logs from the log library.
Penn: And Marathon brings her Voyager back to her mouth in a satisfied puff.
Sydney (as Cassidy): And for the sake of my own sense of your safety, I will not be scoping out your course beforehand. I'm just going to assume that you know what you're doing.
Sydney: And Cassidy gives a slanty smile.
Penn (as Marathon): Of course. And -
Cameron (as Emma): [interrupting] Marathon has a lot of experience falling off stuff. She'll be fine.
Penn (as Marathon): And once I have acquired those documents, I may be able to exit the same way I came in, or provide further distraction. And before I almost forgot, I apologize Miss Cassidy, before I enter the stage, I may even be observing from my rooftop vantage point to see if we need any more assistance.
Penn: And Marathon tilts her head, giving Cassidy like a 'are you proud of me?' look.
Sydney: Cassidy gives Marathon a thumbs up with her hand that's not holding the tea that she's sipping from.
Penn: And with that, Marathon self satisfiedly puts her cigarette back in her mouth and puts her hands behind her head, leaning back a little further.
Kit: Birdie is now doodling mini Emma and herself onto the map in stick figures with papers in their hands.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Juno, would you like to state your role for the class?
Nick (as Juno): I will be sitting under the stairs in my room pretending that I don't exist.
Kit (as Birdie): Boo.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Incorrect. You will be accompanying Birdie to the camera room.
Penn (as Marathon): Say it back.
Nick (as Juno): I will be following Birdie, my fearless confidant, as we infiltrate the Ramp Girls through my domain of the Guts. And we will be working as backup for Emma.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Perfect. For my role, I am Cassidy, as you may have expected, and I will be infiltrating through the air vents, going down to the lowest basement floor, looking for the evidence cage to modify those logs. I sure hope we're not framing innocent people, but I guess that's what we're here for. In one final restatement of our mission objectives, we have three goals. We need to steal those customs logs, Marathon. We need to copy those procedure documents, Emma and Birdie, and we need to modify the evidence logs. Objectives two and three can be backed out on if necessary. So if something is looking sketchy, leave. Your safety is more important than this. We don't want to be locked up. It will compromise our other goals. Err on the side of caution.
Penn (as Marathon): And that first goal, entry and exit logs that I will be acquiring from the top floor, you can count on me to get that one done 100% boss.
Penn: And Marathon gives a little salute with one of the hands that was behind her head and momentarily loses balance, pushed back in her chair before regaining balance and putting both hands on her seat.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yes, and we will be in contact to make sure that if for some reason the impossible happens, we can reorganize our available personnel to make sure that that one happens, because that's that's the mark of mission success from Opal, everything else is potential, further rewards, maybe even a favor. Any questions?
Kit (as Birdie): Um, Emma, do we want to establish like some sort of signal for if things are - I'm not able to cause a proper distraction, and people are trying to move in, even though I'm trying to not let them question mark?
Cameron (as Emma): Yes, that seems smart.
Kit (as Birdie): Um, maybe just like a word that's slightly out of normal use.
Nick (as Juno): Constabulary.
Kit (as Birdie): Um, defenestration. No.
Nick (as Juno): I use that one all the time.
Kit (as Birdie): What?
Cameron (as Emma): Throwing a lot of people out windows,
Kit (as Birdie): I'm sure.
Cameron (as Emma): - Juno?
Nick (as Juno): No, but I watch it happen a lot.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, okay. Um
Cameron (as Emma): Huh. Okay.
Nick (as Juno): I'm not just in the Guts.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, where the window - of course, everyone knows about the windows in the Guts. [sigh] I think if nothing else, I'll just I'll shout or say loudly, like lavender latte or something like that, if that's okay, because I think I can bring that up semi normally, and it won't be a tip, but
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, lavender latte, cronuts, -
Kit (as Birdie): Cronuts!
Cameron (as Emma): - something.
Kit (as Birdie): Cronuts is a good one. Good idea. I like cronuts.
Nick (as Juno): So we'll talk about breakfast food.
Kit (as Birdie): Yes.
Nick (as Juno): That means there's a problem.
Kit (as Birdie): Um
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, it means a Birdie distraction not working, and I need to skedaddle in a totally chill and calm way, because I am wearing a uniform.
Kit (as Birdie): Okay and Juno you'll be in uniform too?
Nick (as Juno): Oh yeah, I brought one from home. I already had one.
Kit (as Birdie): So
Nick (as Juno): Please don't ask why.
Kit (as Birdie): Interesting. Okay, yeah, I don't wanna, I don't wanna know why.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Convenient.
Kit (as Birdie): Cool. Yay!
Kit: And Birdie will put a final heart around her doodle of Birdie and Emma in the copy room. [laugh]
Cameron: There's a quiet rattling at the door, and the door abruptly swings inward and the lights are turned on in the room.
Nick (as Juno): Ah!
Penn (as Marathon): Ow.
Kit (as Birdie): [sad noise]
Cameron: Janus is standing there holding a platter with some sandwiches and cookies.
Penn (as Marathon): [slightly dejected] We were going for a vibe.
Cameron (as Janus): Oh, sorry. You were wanting - why are you smoking in my bookstore, Marathon?
Penn (as Marathon): [panic, and not in the gay way] Oh, um uh
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle]
Penn: And Marathon, looking for a place to put it out, starts batting it a little bit.
Penn (as Marathon): [sputtering and clearing throat] I thought it was an - it was for the, furthered the energy.
Kit: Birdie pulls her knapsack up onto the table, which has changed significantly since their trip in the Guts ended rather unfortunately with the need to ship off her old one and get a new un damaged one. It's a deep purple in color and a little more slouchy than her old one, and has a bunch of safety pins and random zippers that Vaus seemingly put in and little duct tape skulls and crossbones across the flap and she tugs it open and produces a small silver ash tray and slides it towards Marathon.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, thank you. Thank you. You have one of these - anyway. You said something about cookies, Miss Janus?
Penn: And Marathon takes her feet off the table and settles down into a seated position, sitting straight up.
Cameron (as Janus): You can have a cookie if you open the window.
Penn (as Marathon): On it!
Sydney (as Cassidy): You sure you don't want to come with us on an exciting adventure?
Cameron (as Janus): Um, given the location that you're going, no. I'm far too well known. I would just be a hindrance.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Worth checking.
Cameron (as Janus): Be cheering you on from the sidelines, though. Feel free to call me if you need to get bailed out.
Sydney (as Cassidy): [laugh] Hopefully not.
Cameron (as Janus): [laugh] Just there as an option.
Nick: And as the smoke clears from the planning room and cookies are devoured, we cut away to the day of the heist. What time of day are you attempting this infiltration? Are you doing it in broad daylight? Are you waiting till the middle of the night? The Ramp Girls facility always has people in it. It's on 24 hour shifts. But other than that, it is up to you all.
Sydney: You could do it at sunset, so that the shift has just changed, and Marathon can see on her approach.
Cameron: Yeah.
Kit: And a lot of people will be at dinner, or will be like tired and about to go home.
Nick: Okay, it is the evening, as the sun is beginning to set, and it is just before shift change at the Ramp Girls Headquarters, as you all begin your separate infiltrations.
Sydney: We see Cassidy at the entry point to the air recycler. She's gone through the same set of maintenance doors. A hard hat and a clipboard get her past the couple of people that would care, but she's also been here before, and she drops a cone next to the vent that she goes into as if it was all just another day on the job, and then she doesn't quite get as dusty as the previous time as she begins to enter the secure perimeter.
Nick: Within the Guts, we see two figures approaching a barricaded doorway. They are illuminated by a blowtorch, and with a chin jerk, Juno flips down the face shield to cover his eyes as he prepares to cut into the doorway and get the two of them access.
Kit: Birdie flicks a pair of sunglasses down over her eyes and is like,
Kit (as Birdie): You know, I actually didn't think that - I thought that you were joking about the blow torch.
Nick (as Juno): I never joke about blow torches, Birdie.
Nick: His voice is slightly muffled by the shield.
Kit (as Birdie): [sigh] Continue. Continue. You're the expert.
[blow torch noise]
Nick (as Juno): Fuck yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle]
Cameron: Emma, wearing a ramp girl uniform and having done her makeup to where her eyeliner is a little too smudged making it look like this has been a long day already, makes her approach through the garage, following the same path that she followed with Riley. She's trying to look so, so tired in an attempt to have no one start up a conversation with her as she makes her trek in.
Penn: Marathon has been watching the outside, making sure that no surprise VIPs enter the building, and as dusk is just starting to settle in, she gets up from this chair she's been on while monitoring and begins to warm up. Stretching a little bit, pulling down a pair of crash goggles from her messy, overgrown hair, and begins to skate off, grinding on one of these beams in the Eaves, heading towards Ramp Girls Headquarters.
Nick: And so the heist begins.
[hurdy gurdy music swells]
Outro:
Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.
This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:
Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.
Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.
You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
Until you tune back…
…stay bold and stay kind