The X Bike Championship Finals continue and everything is going totally fine!
The X Bike Championship Finals continue and everything is going totally fine!
Cast:
- Marathon Messenger is played by Penn Van Batavia. She can be found on Twitter at @acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram at @john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE *IT* OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
- Cassidy Shard is played by Sydney Whittington. She is our wonderful editor. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast. Find her on Twitter at @sydney_whitt.
- Emma Blackwood is played by Cameron Robertson. Find her on Twitter at @midnightmusic13 and on Instagram at @reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
- Birdie Foundling is played by Kit Adames. Find her on Twitter at @venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor and writer on Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
- Our GM and narrator is Nick Robertson. Find him on Twitter at @alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron and can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
Music & Sound Credits:
- This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
- old radio Channel search sound effect by Garuda1982. Link & License.
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- Explosion 1.ogg by filipex2000. Link & License.
- Ahooga vintage car horn, remix of craigsmith's Freesound 480002.wav by Timbre. Link & License.
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- Running Eiskrokodil (ID 01) - Remastered by Lobo Loco. Link & License.
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Art Credits:
- The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @rashedjrs.
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A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript
Season 3 Episode 42: A Game of Risk and Reward
Transcript by Cameron Robertson
Intro:
[hurdy gurdy music begins]
Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –
Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.
Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.
Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.
Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.
Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.
Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:
This is your official reminder to take a nap sometimes. Today, even. Practically no one gets enough rest these days, and we could all do with a bit of the old kindergarten midday sleep. Maybe even with a kiss from a loved one to help you settle down. And if you need a bit of levity to help shake off your world-weariness while you relax, consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 42: A Game of Risk and Reward. And so…
“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches
To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”
[hurdy gurdy music ends]
[electronic beeping]
[robotic powerup noise begins]
Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.
[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]
[over radio]
Cameron (as Emma): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, we made it to the Championship! It both feels like we got here way too fast but have also been doing this for forever~. Cassidy and Birdie seemed fairly nervous - they both show it in different ways, but they were both a bit off from their normal selves. After we had our final team huddle, I headed up to Opal's suite with Audrey and Surge to watch the race from the fancy seats and hit up the buffet. I met up with Rye who was of course delighted to be hanging out with his Aunt and all her hangers-on, but hopefully my company and amazing race insights made it a bit more fun for him. Marathon is really getting in the swing of how to keep the crowd amped up and her chainsaw tricks are as impressive as they are concerning and terrifying. We’ve just got this last race to get through before we can get our hands on the trophy and get to patching up the Knight’s poor infected brain with Winifred. Despite all their nervousness, I’m sure team Patina will keep rocking the X Bike world and will get back on that podium - even if it’s just one of our racers…
[radio static]
Episode Start:
Nick: The X Bike Arena is full to capacity. There are fans standing everywhere that they possibly can. All of the bleachers are full, and the sound of the crowd cheering fills the air blocks in every direction with the excitement of this Championship Race. The racers have just finished their first obstacle, and they're moving quickly into the next as everyone jockeys for glory.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] And coming out of the first obstacle, we've got Hellcat in first, Carbon in second, and Trouble in third.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] The race is already pretty exciting there Cletus. I can't wait to see what happens next. Hopefully we get some blood. [the barking men do to show their excited - usually about sports - rendered as literal dogs barking] [siren noises]
Penn: So as you're heading down the track, Hellcat in the lead, we're going to have to pick the Challenge to start this new turn. So Hellcat, since you're in the lead, would you like this first Challenge to call upon the Driver skill Cool or the Driver skill Drive?
Kit: I'm gonna say Drive.
Penn: And in second place is Carbon, who will be choosing the Bike stat from Speed and Maneuver, and because Carbon's bike is a little bit faster than it is maneuverable, Carbon is going to pick Speed. So with Drive and Speed, this is going to be a Place Challenge, and in third, choosing our Integrity skill - Burnout and Instability is what Trouble from the Golden Jersey Devils is going to be choosing from. Cameron, would you roll us a Fortune die to see what Trouble from the Golden Jersey Devils is going to pick for this Challenge?
Cameron: One misfortune.
Penn: Perfect. So Trouble will be choosing Instability, which is also a Carbon favored stat. So in summation, this will be a Place Challenge using Instability as the Integrity statistic. And so I turn it over to the announcers who will build the obstacle. And a reminder, a Place Obstacle is a speedway or a chance to pass others.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] And we're coming up now to the second obstacle. What obstacle is this, the Nuts?
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Well, Cletus, this is one of my absolute favorites. This is one that they bring back year after year. We've got the Prism Parkway. You'll see there's a series of highly reflective conveyor belts moving both forward or backwards. There's no telling which direction it is. It's very hard to tell, especially with our custom laser light show brought to you by Opal Corps Party Supplies.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] This is a great opportunity for these riders to make up some time and get out in front of the pack, but only if they can manage to get onto the conveyor belts that are going forward. Unfortunately, you can't tell down the track with all the smoke and the fog and the laser lights, so it's kind of a luck or a reaction challenge, and I'm sure we'll see some collisions.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] That's right Cletus, the visibility here is extremely low, and that's by design. And don't forget, one of the parts of Prism Parkway is the dead stop where the conveyor is going almost as quick as the X Bike itself. If anyone picks that conveyor, they're going to fall way, way behind. [womp womp] Oh no!
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] It wouldn't be X biking if it wasn't extreme. And the races are in it now.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] [shakashaka]
Penn: Hellcat, you're approaching this obstacle right in front of Carbon, your lead is very narrow. But as you approach this obstacle, you're going to be completing a Place Challenge using your Drive stat and your Speed stat. So you will be rolling, since you've got four Speed, that's four greens. Your Drive is three, so that's three yellows, one green. Because you've got three Instability, you'll be rolling a red and a purple. And because this is a Final race, we've been adding an extra red to each Challenge. And you've got a blue die for magic gas. So you've got three yellow, one green, and a blue, versus two red, and a purple.
Kit: One success and an advantage.
Penn: Congratulations with one success, you've earned one point in Place, and as you succeed, because this is a success, I will have you respond to one of the success prompts. And so you will choose between: a moment of weakness that now manifests as strength, a moment of levity with one of the other racers, or a moment of inspiration that keeps you driving.
Kit: Could I do a mini cut of Birdie trying to get back on Contagion's good side after she was doing normal trash talking stuff and Contagion was not having any of it in their previous race, and Birdie was like, 'I feel bad, because that's not me.'
Penn: When do you imagine this happening?
Kit: I'm assuming that people were getting there to warm up their bikes or to talk to their mechanics, or just at a general point sometime before they had to go down to the track itself.
Penn: As Birdie approaches the fog, there is a slow moment as we focus on Birdie's eyes through this fog and light. Time slows, and as Birdie blinks, we flash back to where Birdie was getting ready for the race. All the bikes are loaded up. The other competitors are also in this area, nervously checking their bikes and getting everything finalized before the big race. We see Contagion decked out in twisted, rusted metal covered X Bike suit, holding her helmet in one arm as she makes some final checks on the handlebars of her bike. There are markations on the ground using chalk paint to show where each racer's spot is for their bike.
Kit: Birdie is one or two spots down from Contagion, and is peering around the other racers in between herself and Contagion, and she's a little nervously rocking in her stance before she just is like,
Kit (as Birdie): [whispered to self] Stupid. Just get over it.
Kit: And then she'll walk out and around her area to go up to Contagion. She's obviously nervous, because this is the Final race and they do have a lot riding on this, but she does approach this interaction with the same level of nerves as a seventh grader trying to talk to a high schooler.
Penn: Contagion seems to hear you walking up as she's continuing to work with a tiny wrench on what looks like a set of buttons on her handlebars, and without looking up, she says,
Penn (as Contagion): Hey, big shot.
Kit (as Birdie): [caught off guard] Oh!
Penn (as Contagion): What's going on?
Kit (as Birdie): [uncomfortable laugh]
Penn (as Contagion): Here to slam talk before the race a little more?
Kit (as Birdie): [awkward uncomfortable laugh] No, no, sorry. Um, well, okay. Well, about that, um, I wanted to apologize for how I presented myself in our last race. I kind of just, I grew up racing with people like Carbon and so it's kind of a thing that I need to turn off more. But I wanted to say that you're really cool racer, and I think that I'm really excited to be racing against doing it today. So that's that's pretty much it. [speeds up as it goes]
Penn: Contagion partway through your jittery speech, has turned around and is wiping off her tool with a little cloth and is smirking at you.
Kit: Birdie is trying so hard to be nonchalant.
Penn (as Contagion): Well, I'm glad that you came all this way to apologize. I mean, trash talk is just part of the race. You don't have to worry about it too much, but I can tell maybe - I think [pause and slightly uncomfortable sigh] I'm sorry. I think your other racer is a little more my type, unless I'm misreading the situation.
Kit (as Birdie): [dying noises]
Penn (as Contagion): But you are very cute. You are very cute. Let me tell you that, and I am sure you're gonna find somebody really cute as well.
Kit (as Birdie): [sputtering laughter] No, no. No I'm not hitting on you. Sorry. No, this is me trying to be like, a good sport. [continues to die of embarrassed awkwardness]
Penn (as Contagion): Oh. Yeah, no -
Kit (as Birdie): [still sputtering and laughing] Sorry if I gave that impression.
Penn (as Contagion): No worries, you're acting very nonchalant. [overlapping] So don't worry about it.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] Oh thank you. I am trying very hard.
Kit: Birdie's eye is twitching a little.
Penn (as Contagion): Yeah,
Kit (as Birdie): [trying desperately to reset] [clears throat] So anyways, I just, would -
Penn (as Contagion): I love your new piercings, by the way.
Kit (as Birdie): [reset failure] Thanks.
Penn (as Contagion): Get a few more of those.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh! [awkward laugh] I will definitely. Um yeah, just - [and all composure is lost with a panicked laugh] we're like, cool co-racers, friends kind of - [wild laughter]
Penn (as Contagion): Yeah, cool co racers. And for what it's worth, big shot, I hope that you take it all today. I've been really excited to see y'all grow, and I know you guys got it. So we're just lucky to be here. Let us know on the track if you need any coordination on something.
Kit (as Birdie): [voice is so strained trying to sound professional] Thanks. I appreciate it.
Penn (as Contagion): Yeah, of course.
Kit: And she's giving the most tense thumbs up and retreating, and just
Penn (as Contagion): What no fist bump? Biker bump?
Kit (as Birdie): [sputtering] Mhm.
Penn (as Contagion): I thought you said you were a racer.
Kit (as Birdie): [almost crying of shame] I am! [panicked laughter] I am!
Penn: And she's kind of teasingly smiling at you, while holding up for a biker bump.
Kit: Birdie kind of scampers back towards Contagion and gives her outstretched hand for a fist bump, and is just obviously very embarrassed that she came off as completely inept as she did.
Penn: And as your fists connect, the camera transitions back to your fist on the handlebars of your bike, and we see a little eye twitch from Birdie as she remembers this moment, but uses it and the words of encouragement from Contagion to steel herself as she successfully makes it through the Prism Parkway, just barely eking out a little bit faster than she was before. How does it look as Birdie makes her way through this dangerous set of mirror laden conveyor belts?
Kit: Birdie has discovered a pattern to how they did the forward moving conveyor belts versus the backwards ones versus the dead stop ones. And while it is somewhat random, she manages to keep it in order in this sort of split second moment. As it's a very well known obstacle, I think Birdie has also seen this before and has gotten certain pointers about it throughout the years from when she was living on Sasnak with Zan and from Carbon himself actually. Birdie manages to navigate these patterns according to what she's seeing and while she does misplace her wheel once or twice and it kind of skids off, it snaps her right back into it, and she's off the obstacle before she knows it.
Penn: Right behind Hellcat is Carbon, who is rolling four yellow versus two red.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Carbon has rolled two successes, two advantages, and a Despair. So with that, Carbon will still be taking two points in Place, and through this obstacle, taking the lead. Carbon has taken two in Integrity damage, but Hellcat, as you're finding this pattern, it's almost as if Carbon also knew the pattern, but to an even greater extent than you - is even quicker on the turn through this obstacle, almost like he's practiced the Prism Parkway before through these races, and maybe he has since this is a popular attraction. As he rolls through this you're starting to see his tires shred through these conveyor belts as he skips over some of these ones that are running in reverse. The smell of burning rubber is even stronger wafting past you as he rolls by and shouts something to your chagrin.
Nick (as Carbon): Chaw dude, you gotta be quicker than that.
Kit (as Birdie): Don't hurt yourself.
Penn: And then finally, we turn to the rest of the pack, which includes The Shard. We see a bunch of these racers rolling all together, neck and neck, and The Shard is right in the middle of it. So Shard, what are you going to be rolling as you approach the Prism Parkway?
Sydney: So Cassidy's Driving is a three and her Speed is a three, which means she's going to be rolling three yellows and a blue against the two reds and a purple from her three Instability.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: One failure, four advantages, and a Despair.
Penn: Ohh. It's not looking good for The Shard. So with that Despair, you'll take two more Integrity damage, and to put yourself into positive on this Challenge, you will take your last two points in Integrity as well, leaving you with none left after this Obstacle to fall back on.
Sydney: So what happens this time with the Despair is that one of the other racers on the track, because Cassidy is in the pack, she's a lot more involved in and close to these racers in their space, and unfortunately, within range of their track machinations, and she sees the racer Cease, reach down with a long bladed weapon and wedge it in between the machinery for one of the conveyor belts right as she's getting on it, and the segment of belt is disconnected, and the belt itself flies up in front of Cassidy, and so she both loses the momentum of the belt that she's on and has to make a very quick evasive maneuver and doesn't quite make it, and the belt slaps the front of the bike. Fortunately, she doesn't entirely lose control, but it impacts the steering column, and as she comes out of it and tries to keep going, the bike is now, has a permanent list to one side that she's constantly having to adjust for, and it means that she's fighting a bunch more internal friction of just the bike's driving now and is going to be struggling to keep up on anything that's a Speed related challenge, like this one.
Penn: And as you make it through this obstacle, you won't be earning any points in Place, but I will have you respond to one of the failure prompts here: so a moment of strength that now manifests as a weakness, a moment of conflict with one of the other racers, or a moment of regret about a sacrifice to get here.
Sydney: We see Cease throw a friendly wave over their shoulder as they see that Cassidy didn't die in that very dangerous high speed situation as they're trying to push for not even the lead, but just not to be left behind, and Cassidy's too busy trying to keep the bike under control, to even give anything back.
Penn: And as this listing bike makes its way through this obstacle on the course, I'll just roll for the pack real quick Drive and Speed means one green, two yellows versus the two reds and a purple.
[dice rolling]
Penn: And that is two successes and a threat. Do we want to roll a Fortune Pip to see how our pack does?
Cameron: Two Misfortune Pips.
Penn: So the pack is pulling ahead of Cassidy, The Shard is getting left behind a little bit. But we had two Misfortune Pips, and we turn it to the announcers,
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Hellcat and Carbon coming up to the Prism Parkway. Oh, they're already through! Carbon getting even further out in front, taking the lead right back from Hellcat!
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Exactly what we'd expect from our reigning champion and such a good spokesperson for Five and One, Plus Question Mark: Body... Stuff.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] And the rest of the packs coming up - Oh! Did you see that, the Nuts? Cease from [REDACTED], just threw an entire belt at The Shard.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] It's that kind of aggressive play that guarantees that Cease is going to be effective for years to come in this league.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Oh! Cease is taken out in a collision with Gong. That means the Cymbals are going, going, gong!
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] And I stand corrected. [womp womp]
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] And The Shard is somehow still up. Her bike looks in rough shape, but she's still in the race, even if at the back of the pack.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] The Shard showing a lot of determination staying in but maybe she should just give up. I think that at this point, there's not much that she could do without some sort of emergency pit stop repairs, something.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] We'll see if she even has a chance to do anything before the rest of these racers finish up. She's two obstacles in and hasn't earned any points.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Must suck for her. She must be really frustrated about that right now.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Maybe some of that Five Plus One would make her feel better as we go into this next obstacle.
Nick: As the race continues, we swing back to check on the other members of the Patina. Marathon what are you doing in your role as mascot?
Penn: Marathon has taken the opportunity for this final race to switch out her giant knee high heeled boots for a modified version with her grav skates. And so she is rolling around this mascot area of the arena, gliding, throwing chainsaws up, catching them down, popping out hidden pom poms from different spots throughout her outfit that it doesn't seem like it's possible she could have more, and is just generally cheering on the team, until she hears the whipping of this conveyor belt snapping and turns to see it hit Cassidy, and in the microsecond she sees Cassidy doesn't explode, is able to focus in real quick to catch a chainsaw from falling to the ground behind her back, and plays it off as she lifts it up like both of them just had a close call and a great save.
Nick: And the crowd goes wild.
Penn: Marathon, as she refocuses her work to the crowd, whispers to herself,
Penn (as Marathon): [whisper] Be careful, Miss Cassidy. Please be careful.
Nick: And Emma - as the race continues and you see how the places have settled after the second obstacle, where are you? What are you doing?
Cameron: Emma has been remaining where she started out watching the race at the edge of the balcony with Rye in Opal's suite, and has been having conversations with Rye this whole time. Has been laughing, been feeling pretty good because Birdie was out in front. Everybody was looking strong. They've been pointing and looking at Marathon off in the mascot section, like with chainsaws. And Emma has been explaining to Rye how terrifying it's been watching Marathon practice that by the shipping container, because there's just so far for the chainsaw to fall if she drops it. And then they focus back towards the race as Birdie and Carbon are approaching the second obstacle and focused watching them go through. She looks slightly sad when Carbon passes Birdie, but then when the belt whips out and is going for Cassidy, we have a close, quick zoom that happens on Emma's face as color drains out of it, the smile from the laugh was just gone from her face suddenly, and she sees it hit Cassidy, and Cassidy stay up, and a little bit of color comes back into her cheeks, but using the two hands that she's had resting on the railing, she uses them to quickly spin her away as she says,
Cameron (as Emma): Oh, fuck!
Cameron: And just takes off sprinting out of the suite, headed down to the track.
Nick (as Rye): Oh, bye.
Nick: Rye looks surprised and put out that Emma has left so quickly and then collects himself and realizes that her friend is in trouble, and shrugs and goes back to watching before murmuring,
Nick (as Rye): I hope they're okay.
Nick: Emma, as you sprint out of the luxury box, make me an average Athletics check to see how quickly you're able to navigate this stadium and the crowd and get to somewhere you can help.
Sydney: Can I give my advantages that I rolled to Emma as blue dice?
Nick: Sure, because technically it would be spending them on the next roll, so Emma's is the next roll.
Sydney: Having Emma get there in time to do something would serve me more than having blue dice on the next one if I'm in danger of exploding anyway.
Cameron: All right, so for my Athletics, I am rolling two yellows, one green, two blue, and two purple.
[dice rolling]
Cameron: One success, two advantages, and a Triumph.
Nick: Okay, I would say with that Triumph, somehow you are able to get from the luxury boxes at the top of the stadium down to the mechanic level next to the course obscenely quickly.
Cameron: Because they're rich people, they have one of the turbo elevators that goes immediately to the lowest floor, so they don't have to wait for all the peasants to get in at the lower floors. And Emma just noticed where the fast elevator was on their way trying to find the suite.
Nick: Yeah, if you want to spend the Triumph on a super fast elevator, and you are also able to run very quickly and dodge through the crowds. As the bikers round a corner headed towards the next obstacle, you find yourself standing in the pit stop area, which does not get used very often since the races are fairly short, but you are down next to the track, and Cassidy is approaching from the back of the pack. How do you signal for her to pull over?
Cameron: I grab the Patina flag from the pit stop area and I wave it around so that Cassidy notices me.
Sydney: Cassidy catches the flicker of movement in the pit stop area, and immediately pulls in towards it. She had already kind of been angling in that direction, hoping somehow one of her support crew would be there, thinking it was unlikely because they were upstairs in the box watching the match, but Emma is here somehow, and she slams into the space. The steering column is notably crooked, and everything looks fairly beat up as she comes to a hard stop right next to Emma.
Cameron: As soon as Emma saw Cassidy look towards her and start heading her direction, she threw the flag down and was throwing her hair up into a messy, itty bitty little bun to get it out of her way, and had grabbed up her tool belt and was slinging it around her waist over her probably nicer than normal mechanics outfit. So when Cassidy gets there, she's immediately there, looking at the bike, trying not to touch it because it has been running so it's going to be hotter, but doing an assessment of what she possibly could do to improve it given the very limited time and tools that she has on hand currently.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Belt hit it. You see it?
Cameron (as Emma): [oh so very winded and trying to catch her breath this whole conversation] Hi, yeah. I did.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Not dead!
Cameron (as Emma): Huh? Oh, yes. Great, great, great job on that. You'll be happy to know Marathon also caught the chainsaw. So we're all good there.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Glad to see you down here.
Cameron (as Emma): Uh huh. Yeah, no problem.
Nick: Emma I need you to roll me a hard Mechanics check to try and salvage this bike quickly enough that Cassidy can get back in the race.
Cameron: Can I have a blue die because I built this bike and so I'm intimately familiar - tweaking my Inventor talent that I'm reconstructing a device that I know how it was set up.
Nick: I think that's fine.
Cameron: All right. And I'm going to flip a Story Point. So for my Mechanics check, I am going to be rolling four yellows, one blue, and three purples.
[dice rolling]
Cameron: Six successes, two threats, and a Triumph.
Nick: Holy shit. So I'm willing to give an Integrity box per two successes and the Triumph be that you do this fast enough that there's minimal impact in the race, and Cassidy is able to hit the next obstacle only slightly behind the pack.
Cameron: Emma quickly walked around the front of the bike assessing the damage, and then walks to the side where it is now bent towards her and says
Cameron (as Emma): All right Cassidy. Hold the bike steady. Hold it firm.
Sydney: Cassidy plants both feet and holds the handlebars.
Cameron: And Emma takes the large mallet out of her tool belt and thwhacks the frame of the bike right under where the bend is to straighten it back out.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Damn.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay, that's not perfect, but you shouldn't pull you to the side anymore. You can go, that's all I can do.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Thanks.
Cameron (as Emma): Have fun. Be safe. Bye.
Sydney: Cassidy zooms off, throwing a hand in the air, a lot like the one that Cease threw to her right before Cease collided with Gong and took them both out. But she does not immediately crash, and instead catches the end of the pack. She's now in last but she's not out, and her bike is working again, give or take.
Cameron: Emma takes the tool belt off and drops it to the ground and then just collapses up against one of the concrete barriers they have to make up the corral of the Pit Stop zone, and just collapses against it, has her eyes closed and has both arms just kind of dropped to the sides and just doing deep breathing, trying to return herself back to equilibrium after that sprint and emergency repair job.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Well, Cletus, it's not every Championship you see a bike stop for repairs, but I think that might have been a good strategic decision considering how damaged The Shard was coming out of that last obstacle.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Well, and she wasn't even in that long and she's actually managing to keep up with the pack, and it looks like her bike's not listing so hard. This is only the third successful pit stop in Championship history, The Nuts.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Everybody knows that somebody's stopping specifically after the second obstacle, when the Championship race is set on the back half of the week, only has a 20% chance of finishing the race.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] They must have some kind of miracle mechanic on that team to be able to get this done.
Penn: As The Shard catches back up with the back of the pack, we're gonna move on to this third Obstacle. And so now Carbon is in the lead, he's gonna be picking from Cool or Drive. Carbon always picks Cool, because Carbon is superior at Cool and so that will be the Driver stat, but Hellcat since you're in second place, you'll get to pick the Bike stat. So you can pick from Speed or Maneuver.
Kit: I gotta go with Speed.
Penn: So this is a Cool plus Speed obstacle, which means it will be a Swagger Obstacle. And in third place, Trouble is still leading the pack from the Golden Jersey Devils. And what is Trouble going to be picking?
Nick: Let's roll a Fortune die again.
Cameron: One Fortune Pip.
Penn: So that is in favor of the Patina, so this time Trouble will be picking Burnout, which is a lot tougher for Carbon. Now that we know the race order, we know that it is a Swagger Obstacle, I'm going to turn it over to the announcers to plan this Obstacle and a reminder that a Swagger Obstacle is a spotlight to look cool or flaunt or taunt.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] So coming into the third Obstacle, we've got Carbon Steel leading, followed by Hellcat and Trouble, Johnny Bikes, Situation, Desist, Contagion, Goose, and trailing the pack is The Shard.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] This next obstacle is one of my favorites, Cletus - Fatal Frames.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Why is it your favorite, The Nuts?
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] This one's my favorite because it gives the racers a chance to truly demonstrate how confident they are in their own skills. Observe the massive amount of pyrotechnics. Observe the perfectly situated frames that the bikers are able to park behind, allowing for these great opportunities. The longer they wait, the higher their score will be, and the cooler their publicity photos will be, but the hotter their bikes will get.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] It's a game of risk and reward as we go to the Fatal Frames, and we'll see how much these racers are willing to put on the line.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] And also sick poses. [bike horn squeaks] [koolaid man: Oh yeah]
Penn: Carbon is hitting the Fatal Frames first and Carbon is rolling four yellow and one green versus three red and a purple.
Nick: But I am going to flip a GM Story Point to reduce the difficulty by one, so now the purple goes away.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Carbon got one threat, but that means Carbon has to spend some Integrity in order to stay in this part of the race, and then Carbon doesn't get any points for this. As Carbon speeds through the Fatal Frames, he eyes one particular ivory frame that he recognizes as his personal favorite in this part of any race, and as he takes a stop right into that frame and starts to lean his foot off of the bike to get off, one of the pyrotechnics blows up right in front of his front tire, sending the bike backwards, almost into a wheelie, and Carbon goes stumbling back, making for a really awkward looking photo as he falls onto his back and he struggles for a little bit with one leg caught under the bike before he's able to get it back up and start moving again, but with enough time, maybe for someone else to catch up to him. And with that, we're gonna turn it to Hellcat, who's in second right now.
Kit: So Birdie will be rolling two yellow, two green, one blue, and then two reds. Three successes and three advantages.
Penn: Yay. Oh my gosh. Go ahead, take three points in Swagger and save yourself an extra blue dice with those extra advantages for your next roll. And Hellcat as you speed through this part of the race right past Carbon, who has a bike on top of his leg right now, why don't you give me a little flashback prompt: so a moment of weakness that now manifests as a strength, a moment of levity with one of the other racers, or a moment of inspiration that keeps you driving.
Kit: As Birdie is slowing down towards the frame that she has chosen, she passes Carbon and flashes back to just this morning at the refreshments room with a few other racers that were making small talk, and she very fondly recalls watching Carbon trying to do a keg stand on a cooler of lemonade that's about a third of the size of an actual keg, and completely falling ass over tea kettle and how this moment in which Carbon is trapped under his bike is very reminiscent of that, and it makes her giggle. And I think with that, she has chosen a frame - she watched an explosive go off in that frame very, very close to when she pulls up into it and assumes that the explosives around it must be on some sort of random timer and manages to complete the task of coming to a full stop in the frame and watching as her competitors approach, and then hops back on her bike and will take her head start that Carbon has very graciously given her.
Penn: What's one of the poses that Birdie strikes?
Kit: Birdie makes a very silly face with both of her pointer fingers pushed into the dimples in her cheeks with a very big grin. It's very cutesy pop star.
Penn: The audience cries out, Awwww, as Birdie pops back on to the bike, Hellcat takes the lead. And I'm gonna roll for the pack here, right behind. So my pack here is rolling two yellow, two green, two red and a purple.
[dice rolling]
Penn: A single success and one advantage. So they are just doing good. Stayin' steady. We'll turn it over to The Shard, who is right behind the pack, who's going pretty steadily. People are posing, making fun, different poses, some on their bikes, some popped off their bikes, some getting blown away by explosives, triggering massive pyrotechnic displays. What does it look like as The Shard pulls up to the Fatal Frames?
Sydney: I will be rolling three yellows and a green against two reds and a purple plus a blue die.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: One advantage.
Penn: Mmm. Okay, so The Shard you're gonna have to spend one Integrity, so you have two left after taking this one more Integrity in order to maintain any position in this race, even if it is the back for now, finishing is still a worthwhile achievement, and because this is a Burnout skill, I'm gonna have you respond to this prompt instead - What about your body is failing? How do you stave it off for one more race?
Sydney: That the obstacle after the one where Cassidy had to take a pit stop is a take it slow, holds your positions as long as possible, as long as you feel safe, is part of the reason she's able to catch up. But as she pulls up the last to choose a frame, she comes to a stop, throws the metal horns up and then catches a firework to the chest. It bounces off before actually exploding, but it knocks the wind out of her, and she has to catch herself on her handlebars, and that's the picture that gets caught, is her looking exhausted. The rubber on the throttles is getting sticky from all of the heat, and it's coming off on her gloves, she does not look like she's having a great time, and that now fresh - hopefully it's only a bruise, taking this impact to the chest, it's not going to be comfortable to finish the race, and as soon as she gets enough wind back in her lungs to get going, she does, but it's pretty rough out there.
Penn: Well, unfortunately for Cassidy, as she's hit by this firework and The Shard struggles through this photo in the frame, I'm gonna have you respond to one of these other flashback scene prompts: a moment of strength that now manifests as a weakness, a moment of conflict with one of the other racers, or a moment of regret about a sacrifice to get here.
Sydney: As Cassidy is breathing hard, trying to refill her lungs, she thinks back to one of the conversations she had with Marathon the night before the race, about reassuring her that Cassidy knew what she was doing and that it's dangerous, but she'll make it through it fine, and the way things have been going, that has not been the case. She's giving a lot of herself for this opportunity to take this trophy, and has not gotten a lot in return so far in the Championship.
Penn: And we see these anxious thoughts running through Cassidy's head as she speeds out of the Fatal Frames. Cameron, would you roll a Fortune die again to see how the rest of the pack's survival odds are?
Cameron: One Misfortune.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Carbon leads into the Fatal Frames. But oh! His bike falls on him and he's struggling to get it up. That's not a good look.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] You know, it happens to everybody from time to time, Cletus.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] This is the Championship. There's no room for that. Look at Hellcat! Hellcats out here striking poses for everyone.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] She's really won over the crowd. I think that there's a long and successful future up ahead for Hellcat, if she keeps up this kind of performance.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Oh, we got a couple of duo moves coming! Situation and Trouble pulling up and doing a pyramid on top of their bikes. That's pretty sick.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] You know, a pyramid is my favorite geometric shape.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] You sure have a lot of favorites, The Nuts. ScavengHERs doing something similar, throwing their arms out trying to handstand on top of the bi- Ooh! Goose takes a windshield to the face.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] You hate to see an injury like that, especially with the amount of photo evidence that's going to be around after the race.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] I hope Goose is going to be around after the race. That didn't look good.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] It sure doesn't look like it Cletus.
Penn (as X Bike Crowd): Goooooose!
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Johnny Bikes throwing a nice pose.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Johnny Bikes is always known for his fantastic poses. I taught him everything I know.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Desist doing a nice 360 and Shard coming Ooh! Firework to the torso. I don't know how she's still on her bike. I don't know how that bike's still going.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Say what you will about The Shard, Cletus, but she definitely has the tenacity.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] If only she could complete any of these obstacles! [methinks I sense a bit of Cassidy player irritation]
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Or get together any sort of luck to get a run towards the upper rankings.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Finishing the race might be enough for this, though.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] At this point that may be all you could hope for.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] And here we got Hellcat coming into obstacle four.
Penn: Now Hellcat, you're up. Since you're in first place, you get to pick the Driver stat for this Challenge - is it Cool or Drive?
Kit: It'll be Drive.
Penn: So Drive and then Carbon is going to pick Maneuver for this one. And so with Drive and Maneuver, this is going to be a Technical Challenge. And Desist from [REDACTED] has taken the lead of the pack here. And so in third place, Desist is going to be picking from Burnout or Instability. And Cameron, could I get another Fortune die?
Cameron: One misfortune.
Penn: One misfortune, meaning this will be an Instability challenge, which is Carbon's favorite. So this will be a Technical Challenge against Instability, starting with the Hellcat. But before we get to that, we're gonna turn it to the announcers to create a Technical Challenge which is a threat to bike control. Something that a really skilled driver would be able to maneuver.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Up next is one of my favorite obstacles, Cletus.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] That's right, this is Mogul Mayhem. Steep hills and rough terrain all covered in gold coins someone could practically dive into! And if that wasn't enough, they're all constantly shifting, just like one of those coin pusher machines! What makes this one your favorite, The Nuts?
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] This one's one of my favorites because it represents some of the dangers of capitalism and the accrual of money. Oh, I'm just kidding. It's actually because there's a high chance of danger to the riders!
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Much like everything else in X Biking.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] This one's particularly fun because they've added an extra challenge in that the moguls themselves slide around. Makes it even harder to calculate the angle of trajectory. I mean, [womp womp] [old fashioned horn honking] [awoooga]
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] The racers are gonna have to get through all this gold to take that gold medal at the end and win that trophy.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] And don't forget, this ends in a sick jump.
Penn: Hellcat since you're in the lead, you'll be rolling first on this Technical Challenge, and you have an extra blue die from rolling your advantages last time.
Kit: Birdie will be rolling two yellow, one green, two blue, two red, and one purple. Three successes and a Despair.
Penn: Yay~. So go ahead, take three points in Technical and I'm gonna have you have to spend two Integrity as Johnny Bikes, in order to make way for Carbon, has had a little bit of a reckless boost. You imagine it could be a fuel source similar to yours, except that his bike looks like it is shaking to the point of falling apart as he tries to charge you, and is only able to bump you a little bit, but you're able to maintain that lead, because little does he know, you've got some of this gas yourself. And so because you succeeded, I'm gonna have you say: a moment of weakness that now manifests as a strength, a moment of levity with one of the other racers, or a moment of inspiration that keeps you driving.
Kit: I think that Birdie has a very heartwarming moment of inspiration, of looking back at all of her and Cassidy's races and the weeks that it took to get here and to their little team huddle and high five and her hopeful victory phrase that was, let's get Hellcat a trophy. Birdie is so overjoyed by the feeling of remembering all of this and all the work that Zan put into this title and this bike that she doesn't even really care that Johnny Bikes just tried to kill her. And as Birdie goes over each mogul, it's accompanied by a little
Kit (as Birdie): Whee! Whee! Wah hoo!
Kit: And she honestly looks like she's having a great time, if having only a little difficulty trying to maneuver this bike that was not really built for Technical Challenges.
Penn: What does it look like as Birdie finishes the race over this large jump made of these riches?
Kit: As Birdie gets to the jump point right before the finish line, she revs her engine and gets enough momentum to when she takes off the edge, yanks up on her handlebars and manages to pull herself and her bike into a backwards somersault and sticks the landing on her back wheel before taking a bit of a heavy fall forward onto the front one just feet away from the finish line.
Penn: We'll turn it next to Carbon, who is right behind but is a little bit struggling, as he's sent a little hand signal to Johnny Bikes right before this obstacle to try and sabotage Hellcat. And as Johnny Bikes rumbles his way towards Hellcat, we're gonna roll for Carbon himself. He is rolling three yellow and one green versus two red.
[dice rolling]
Penn: Carbon got a wash and a Triumph. He is not as concerned with trying to take this as a Technical Challenge, with trying to take this as a showcase of his bike skills. What he wants to do right now is brute force his way through this obstacle and just surpass Hellcat, whether or not it leads to the win, he can't handle the embarrassment of at least finishing second to this Hellcat who's risen back from the dead. And so Carbon just plows through these hills, these moguls, barely even going up and down, just piling straight through, and it looks like he might just plow through the middle of this mountain and just crash into it as well, but he pulls up on the handlebars at the last second and launches himself over this mountain, hitting the peak right as Hellcat is, but with the momentum Carbon has and with the trick that Hellcat does in the air, Carbon does a very nonchalant handstand on the handlebars, catching Birdie's eyes in the middle of the air, and giving a little wink without a smile, almost a malicious wink, as he lands right in front of Birdie at the finish line. And pack is two yellow and a green against two purples and a red.
[dice rolling]
Penn: A success and an advantage. Perfect. And then let's turn it to The Shard in the back of the pack to see how she's doing hitting Mogul Mayhem.
Sydney: I have three Driving and four Maneuver, so I'll be rolling three yellows and a green against two reds and a purple plus the blue die.
[dice rolling]
Sydney: Two successes, two threats, and a Despair.
Penn: So with that, you'll have spent all your Integrity, but you won't have gone over so you won't be gravely injured and taken out of the race. You will still finish and with some points under your belt for this one finally. And with the success, as you approach this obstacle, do you have a flashback that's a moment of weakness that now manifests as a strength, a moment of levity with one of the other racers, or a moment of inspiration that keeps you driving to the end?
Sydney: Cassidy thinks back to their goal, to getting the trophy, to be able to fix the Knight, to be able to help people in the world that her responsibility to the Knight is why she's doing anything, and to her team. She grits her teeth, breathing hard through the bruise on her chest as she takes these obstacles, finally able to negotiate something without falling prey to one of the Championship tracks many hazards, and as she gets to the ramp, she opens up the throttle, and as she hits the ramp and gets up into the air, there's a loud bang that cuts through the noise of the audience, and the RPMs of the engine drop dramatically. She hits the ground and is able to coast across the finish line, but the idle has gotten really rough, and a few seconds after she comes to a stop, the bike engine just dies, but it got her to the finish line and across it.
Penn: What pose does Cassidy strike as The Shard barely reaches the end of the finish line exhausted?
Sydney: Cassidy, a lot like she did in that first race, takes her helmet off and her hair cascades down as she throws up the metal horns, the melted rubber on her glove, sticking her fingers to her palm, and she takes a step away from the bike having kicked down the kickstand, and smoke begins to rise from it.
Penn: We see that same smoke rising from different parts of the track where other racers have fallen prey to the tracks many hazards. Cameron, would you be able to roll us a final Fortune die?
Cameron: One Fortune pip.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Hellcats coming into the Mogul Mayhem. That's the last obstacle this Championship race.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] I'm excited to see how this turns out, Cletus. This has been one heck of a Championship race.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Oh, and Johnny Bikes going for the self destruction maneuver to get Hellcat out of the way. Contact is made, she doesn't go down. Carbon is able to take the opening to get across the line first.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Carbon really taking style out of the picture here to try to win the Place award. Something you can always depend on Carbon for - Carbon always finishes first. [awooga] [womp womp]
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] And X Bikes has other things that's not the whole game. The Situation and Trouble coming up together just behind Desist, really negotiating those moguls well, and The Shard passes Contagion right at the end, manages to not be last.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Can you believe that she even finished the race? That's a pretty impressive level of grit and determination out of The Shard.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] Well and her bike doesn't look like it's doing well, but she made it across that finish line.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Well, the good news is the season is over, so her mechanics crew will have plenty of time to work on it before next season.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] And actually, Contagion just passed Trouble on that final jump. What an achievement for the young racer.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] It's always nice to see some of the indie racers seeing success out here on the track. You know, with all the major sponsors, it's pretty easy to forget that some people are in it just for the passion, and are pulling themselves up to see success. This idea brought to you by Quick Stripe: the fastest stripe to ever quick.
Sydney (as Cletus Axelhammer): [over speakers] And that wraps up the race of the X Bike Championship Finals. Let's head down to the field and see what our impartial judge panel we have just for this high stakes Championship has to say about the results of this race, The Nuts.
Nick (as The Nuts): [over speakers] Sounds good, Cletus.
Nick: We see the crowd holding its breath and the riders assembling on the infield waiting for the judges to pass along the results to the announcers, Cletus Axelhammer and The Nuts descend from cables from the press box like they're part of the halftime show, and everyone cheers as they prepare to announce who's the winner of the X Bike Championship. Birdie, you can feel eyes burning into the side of your head from where Carbon is standing, glaring at you.
Nick (as Carbon): I guess you did all right.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, don't hate the player. Hate the game.
Nick (as Carbon): Oh, oh, I hate both.
[hurdy gurdy music swells]
Outro:
Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.
This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:
Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.
Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.
You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
Until you tune back…
…stay bold and stay kind